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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25718362">Carry You Home</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Larrylover3000/pseuds/Larrylover3000'>Larrylover3000</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angry Kissing, Angry Sex, Comfort, Cute, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Home, Jealousy, Love, M/M, Malec, Smut</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 10:40:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>47,926</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25718362</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Larrylover3000/pseuds/Larrylover3000</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Magnus peeked inside with a shy smile playing on his lips, standing in the door as he said, “Am I disturbing something?”</p><p>Alec’s cheeks blushed a little bit. “No, you’re not.” Then he forced himself not to be awkward about this and added jokingly, “Not this time, at least.”</p><p>Magnus laughed, opening the door further to walk inside. His gaze was a little uncertain, still. “I’m really sorry about that, I should probably have told you that I was coming home earlier.” he tried to apologize. </p><p>Alec gestured for him to sit down on the bed next to where he sat himself. “I’m sorry you had to catch me like that. It won’t happen again, I promise you that”</p><p>----<br/>Or the one where Alec moves into Magnus’ apartment for a two month stay and finds himself fantasising about his new, gorgeous roommate. Along the way they fall in love. And Alec, by mistake, writes down dirty thoughts of Magnus naked.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Magnus Bane &amp; Alec Lightwood, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>199</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The important cat-question</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Alec, you’re doing it again,” his brother said, waving a hand in front of Alec’s face. Alec had been staring into the air, mind wandering back and forth, not paying much attention to whatever his siblings had been talking about. “Are you alright? You seem kind of off lately.”</p><p>It had been like that for some days now, he couldn’t focus on anything and seemed to get lost in his own thoughts too easily. “Just a little bit exhausted, that’s all.” Alec explained, shrugging as the boy before him narrowed his eyes, doubting Alec’s words. </p><p>“You’re sure it has nothing to do with the demon attack downtown last week? You’ve just been acting kind of weird ever since.” Jace always seemed to notice whenever something happened with his brother, Alec couldn’t hide it from him. </p><p>“I think you need to stop pushing yourself, Alec. It’s alright to need a break once in a while,” Izzy, his sister, added as well. </p><p>“I’m fine, really. I’m a shadowhunter, I’m used to this.” He wasn’t really sure whether it was true or not, but he tried to smile at them, reassuring. </p><p>Listening to his body wasn’t something he had been good at doing. He had to do his duty, kill demons and stay alert all the time, ready for an urgent mission.</p><p>“Well, if you need some time off, it’s fine. Even shadowhunters can get stressed out,” Jace explained as if Alec didn’t know. Being a shadowhunter could be exhausting at times.</p><p>“It’s nothing. Maybe I just need some sleep.” he tried to shake it off, but both of them sent him a look as if they didn’t quite believe him.</p><p>“Alec, seriously. I’m starting to get worried. Please.” Izzy begged him and he knew she meant it. He hated how both of them were able to look right through him as if he was transparent, but maybe that was just the thing about siblings.</p><p> </p><p>So that’s how he ended up in his current situation. Izzy had asked the Clave to give Alec two months off from duty, while Jace had found “The perfect apartment” where Alec could stay so he wouldn’t have to walk around among other shadowhunters and be tempted to join in on the missions. </p><p>It had probably not been necessary, but his brother had insisted that he needed to get away from everything and stay somewhere peaceful and quiet.</p><p>And Alec hated this a lot, but at the same time, he knew he needed this. Because, admittingly, he had been feeling weird and drained lately and had maybe needed to just relax a bit, read some books and do some of his old hobbies. </p><p>Back when he was younger he had enjoyed writing a lot, so maybe that was something he should start doing again now that he had two months with nothing else at hand.</p><p>Being around mundanes wasn’t something he was used to, so that would probably be interesting, too. Living with one was maybe going to be a challenge, but he was ready to face it.</p><p>Only about a week after the conversation with his siblings he was standing outside a huge, golden door, two big suitcases in his hands, for a moment fearing that this was the wrong decision. And it wasn’t just because of the nervousness in his body, it was more the thought of getting bored - or, at least that was what he told himself. </p><p>Thoughts were running wild as he knocked on the big door, he was taking in everything around him. The huge, old-fashioned building, the sweaty feeling in his palms, the golden door clearly meant to show that someone powerful and rich lived here. He wondered what this guy was like - probably old and boring.</p><p>As the door opened, a dark-haired, tall, slim man was looking at Alec with a curious gaze, hair put in a perfect fringe and piercings covering his ears. All the details on his face were neatly made, eyebrows pointing at the exact right angle, eyelashes long and black, looking almost angelic. To put it simple, in no way looking like what Alec had expected and even though he tried, it was almost impossible for him to put a number on his age. </p><p>“Well, you’re not Jace,” the man said in a deep voice, something in his gaze impossible to read. </p><p>“Didn’t he tell you that I was coming?” Alec asked surprised, but then again, this was something he should have expected. Jace always did just the necessary and then left it at that, and now Alec felt even more nervous about being here. Especially in front of this admittingly gorgeous boy.</p><p>“No,” the man answered, smiling at Alec with a soft look in his eyes. They were golden, just like the color of the door, and Alec had never really seen eyes like that. “But I’m not disappointed. Do you need help with the suitcases?”</p><p>“I’ll be fine, thanks.” Alec hardly even noticed the amused gaze the other man gave him as he carried in the two suitcases, struggling to get them past the door all at once. Alec was even more amazed as he noticed just how big the apartment was inside, but tried not to look too impressed by it. “So where do I stay?” he asked instead, gaze only quickly going over the paintings on the walls and the many shelves with old-looking books.</p><p>“Just in here.” The tall man showed the way down a hallway to a big room with sunlight shining through the wide windows at the end. The walls were colored a warm red, matching the sheets on the bed and the lamp on the nightstand. Pictures, swords, antiques and other weird stuff was on show all over the room, matching the old-fashioned style from the living room, too. Not exactly his taste, but good enough for two months of doing absolutely nothing. And definitely impressive.</p><p>“Do you have a problem with cats?” the man asked, curiosity in his golden eyes. “I mean, I know Jace doesn’t. He told me so when I asked him the same question.”</p><p>Alec snorted, saying, “God, he’s an idiot. I can’t believe he didn’t tell you that it wasn’t him who was going to stay here.” He went inside the room, throwing the suitcases in one corner, telling himself to unpack later. He looked around, admiring all of the things on the walls, his gaze going from one painting to another. “And he hates cats, so he was lying, anyways.”</p><p>“I knew it,” the tall man said with triumph in his voice. “He was trying to hide it, but I saw the way he looked at Chairman Meow, clearly not liking him.”</p><p>“Who is Chairman Meow?” Alec was stupid enough to ask, regretting it the minute the words left his mouth. “Wait!” he hurried to say, raising a hand as if stopping the man from answering. “It’s the cat, right?”</p><p>“Exactly.” The man was leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed and a smile on his face. “Hopefully that isn’t an issue.”</p><p>“No, that’s fine. I love cats.” It was actually true, Alec had always been a cat-person. Then, looking at the tall boy, he realized something. He felt his cheeks start to burn, shaking his head slightly. “I’m sorry, I haven’t even gotten your name yet. Only your cat’s.” he said, feeling a little bit rude. </p><p>“I’m Magnus.” The tall man said. “And what about you?”</p><p>“Alec!” Alec said, a big smile on his face. And they just stood there for a second, smiling at each other, Alec already liking this man’s company a lot. </p><p>“Well,” Magnus eventually broke the moment by saying. “My room is just behind that wall.” He pointed towards one of the walls, pushing himself off of the doorframe. “If you need anything, you can always try and knock.”</p><p>Alec noticed the teasing tone, but also sensed that this man didn’t want Alec to get too much into his personal space. Maybe he wasn’t that used to having roomies. Alec kind of wanted to ask him about it, but not right now. “Thank you,” he just said and stood watching until Magnus had left before closing the door behind him.</p><p>The first thing he did was call Jace while opening up the suitcases, putting his clothes and things into the dresser behind the door. </p><p>“Hey Alec, how is it?” Jace asked as he picked up the phone, sounding like he was outside, bird sound clearly audible somewhere in the distance. Maybe going for a walk, even though it wasn’t something he would usually do. </p><p>“He seems so nice. And this place is really cool. It’s so big” Alec said excitingly, putting his phone on speaker so he didn’t have to hold it. There was a lot of room for his clothes and he felt like maybe he had brought too little. But then again, it was only for two months.</p><p>“I thought you might like him.”</p><p>“And he’s cute, too. Is he gay?” Alec couldn’t help but ask, neatly putting his shirts and pants into place. </p><p>“I have no idea. I couldn’t really figure out if all of the glitter and bling-bling is just for the show-off.” Jace admitted and then another voice was at the other end, saying something Alec couldn’t make out. “Yes, it’s just Alec.” Jace said. Then someone else said something again. “No, he’s fine. Yeah, I’ll tell him.” Jace was then talking to Alec again, saying, “Izzy says hi by the way.”</p><p>“Say hi to her too. Tell her that I’ve moved into some kind of museum,” Alec joked. At the bottom of the suitcase, he found his notebooks and pencils, he picked them up and tried to find the perfect spot for them. </p><p>“Yeah, I know. He has so many weird things,” Jace agreed. </p><p>“And Jace, you’re so stupid.” Alec just remembered something. “Why didn’t you tell him that you weren’t the one who was going to live here?”</p><p>“I don’t know, I didn’t find it necessary,” Jace answered and Alec couldn’t help but roll his eyes, but smile a bit at how dumb his brother was. </p><p>“Idiot,” he said teasingly, walking to the nightstand to see if there was any space in the drawer attached to it. His notebooks fitted perfectly, and Alec liked to keep them close so no one else would find them. “Alright, I gotta run again, I’ll call you tonight,” he promised and they said their goodbyes and hung up. </p><p>Well, this was going to be good. Alec could feel it in his body, already so excited about this new mundane life he was going to be living now. No more shadow world for two months - it sounded absolutely perfect. </p><p> </p><p>Once he had put away all of his stuff, he threw himself onto the bed with a book in his hand. It was just something stupid, a romantic book, probably written for teenage girls fantasising about getting their first kiss. But Alec was entertained and relaxed. </p><p>He told himself to start listening to his body, because now that he was here he realized something. He had been pushing himself too much in the process of trying to be perfect like his siblings. And maybe Alec just wasn’t quite as tough as them.</p><p>Some of the things they had been experiencing lately had been getting to his head - especially that one demon attack downtown. It was like he couldn’t get it off his mind, not because it had been anything unusual, just because he had felt so fragile lately, so easily breakable. </p><p>After about an hour with the book in his hand he felt a little bit bored. So he went out the room to maybe chat with the man and look around the apartment. He hadn’t seen anything but the living room where he had come in and the hallway yet, and was very curious as to how the rest looked. </p><p>Both the kitchen, living room and bathroom were empty - but big and old-fashioned. As he walked back towards his own room, a little bit disappointed not to find Magnus anywhere, he realized that the door leading to the other man’s bedroom was wide open. </p><p>Too curious to keep on walking, pretending like nothing had happened, he peeked inside. Nobody was in there and the room contained almost nothing but a bed and a big wardrobe. It actually looked a lot like his own, besides the fact the the walls were perfectly normally white inside this room and weren’t plastered with weird, ancient stuff. </p><p>A black cat was asleep on the sheets, looking so peaceful and cute. Chairman Meow, Alec guessed. Oh well, he had two months to talk with the guy. He was in no hurry and now that they both lived here, they probably didn’t really have to tell each other when they were coming and going. </p><p> </p><p>Alec had fallen asleep long before it was time for it and as he woke up around 10 pm he felt rather dizzy and his head was starting to ache. Now he had forgotten to call his brother, and right now he wasn’t really in the mood to talk to Jace. </p><p>Hurrying to change into something more comfortable, he then went to go brush his teeth at the bathroom, yawning a bit. This certain feeling was all over him, complete numbness as when you’ve been sleeping in the middle of the day and wakes up confused. It wasn’t before then that he noticed that Magnus had come home again. </p><p>He was sitting on the couch in the living room, leaned back and curled up underneath a woolen blanket. His hair was soft against his head, not put into the fringe he had worn earlier, and that only made it even harder for Alec to figure out his age.</p><p>“Have you just gotten here?” Alec asked as he walked into the room in his pajama-clothes, eyes swollen and sensitive, noticing only now that Magnus was holding a glass of red wine in one hand.</p><p>“Maybe an hour ago.” the man answered once he noticed Alec, smiling, moving on the couch and gesturing for Alec to sit down next to him. “Come and sit”</p><p>Actually, he was just really tired and wanted to go back to bed, but he almost couldn’t refuse. He had also been wondering when Magnus was going to be back, and now he was here and wanted Alec to sit down next to him. So he only hesitated shortly before obeying. </p><p>“Are you just drinking red wine all by yourself?” he asked as he sat down, regretting the way it came out instantly. He didn’t mean to judge or anything, he wouldn’t want this man to think that he was just some idiot.</p><p>“Well, it helps me relax. Otherwise I stress out easily,” Magnus said, sending a shy smile in Alec’s direction, but his eyes looked warm and soft. Alec had forgotten how much mundanes liked to drink, was reminded as he looked at Magnus. “Do you want a glass?”</p><p>“No thanks, I’m good,” Alec said politely, hesitating slightly before he reached out for the corner of the big blanket resting on the couch between them and put it around his own legs as well. Magnus sent a soft smile and Alec hadn’t noticed before now, but as the man took a sip of his glass, he saw the nail polish, a warm red, that decorated the other one’s nails. It made the shadowhunter swallow, mind wandering again to whether the tall man was into boys or not. Was it too inappropriate to just ask?</p><p>“Where have you been all day?” Alec ended up asking instead after he had told himself that this, at least, was alright to ask. He pulled one leg up underneath his body, curling it under the blanket, trying to sit more comfortably. The tiredness was still in his body but the warmth on the couch did him good.</p><p>“Just out,” Magnus simply said, not explaining further. Then he snorted, whirling the glass in his hand in a way that made him seem like an expert wine-drinker. “But nothing you need to worry about, dear shadowhunter.”</p><p>And that made Alec frown instantly. “What,” he blurted out, looking confused. “How do you know that?”</p><p>“Well, you’re not exactly hiding away those runes,” Magnus explained, nodding towards Alec’s bare neck and of pure reflex, his hand flew up to cover the runes. He felt suddenly bare, taken aback by the man. </p><p>“They’re glamoured,” Alec tried to explain, but obviously, this man could easily see through his glamour so there was no use in trying to convince him.</p><p>It was like this came as a surprise to the boy in front of him as well. He straightened on the couch, turning so he was looking Alec into the eyes. “Well, not for me,” he then said. </p><p>Alec’s mouth fell open a bit. “But…” He started but trailed off as the golden, warm eyes he had been looking into earlier today as well suddenly changed. The golden color was replaced by a somewhat sharper and more yellow nuance, but what surprised Alec was the way that the pupil split the iris in two. </p><p>“Cat eyes,” Alec said underneath his breath, then shook his head, feeling rude once again. “I’m so sorry about that. You’re a warlock. I just didn’t know,” he tried to apologize, his heart pumping behind his chest. </p><p>Actually, this explained a lot. The many things from different centuries all over the apartment, the way Alec hadn’t been able to tell how old Magnus was, the way his golden eyes had looked like nothing Alec had ever seen - like they weren’t even real. </p><p>“I thought you knew,” the warlock said in a slow, deep voice, almost looking like he was the one apologizing to Alec, which was absolutely ridiculous. </p><p>“Jace didn’t tell me about it.” Alec felt his palms start to sweat again and he looked down at his hands, feeling a bit weird about meeting the boy’s gaze now that the cat eyes were out. He tried to hide the way he tensed, but guessed that the warlock must have noticed. </p><p>It wasn’t that he found Magnus ugly or repelling now, actually quite the opposite. It was just, he had always been a person to care a lot about others and know what they needed - but this man was completely unreadable. He should have noticed, should have figured it out long before now.</p><p>“Maybe he likes to leave out important details,” Magnus wondered out loud, sounding almost blameful. </p><p>“Well, I guess this was a good way to find out, then” Alec said jokingly, forcing himself not to be awkward about this, finally meeting the warlock’s gaze and realizing that his eyes were glamoured once again, looking golden and human-like. It for some reason made a breath of relief fall from his lips. “At least I didn’t try to glamour myself while leaving the bathroom naked.”</p><p>He felt some of the tension leave as a soft laugh came from the warlock’s mouth. “Well, that would have been quite the sight.” Magnus said. “Although, I wouldn’t have minded.”</p><p>And Alec didn’t even catch onto the flirting tone behind the words, too caught up in his racing heartbeat to think about anything else. </p><p>“Is this your first time meeting a warlock or what?” Magnus asked him calmly, sounding curious as he took another sip of his wine. It was almost empty now and Alec wondered if warlocks got drunk as easily as he did, because that amount of wine would have made his own head spin lightly.</p><p>“Nono, it’s not. I know I’m acting all weird and awkward, it’s just..” he trailed off, hands starting to sweat a bit again as he played with the hem of his pajama-shirt. “Did Jace tell you why I came here?”</p><p>“Take a wild guess,” Magnus said teasingly, irony thick in his voice, and somehow it made the shadowhunter relax a bit.</p><p>“Yeah, sorry, of course he didn’t,” Alec waited a second and wondered if it was weird to tell Magnus. “I’ve just started feeling so exhausted and unable to concentrate lately, my siblings thinks that the shadow world is stressing me out,”</p><p>“Well, that happens for many people - shadowhunters and downworlders alike.”</p><p>“I know that, but it still makes me feel a bit weak, to be honest. I feel like I should be at the institute, hunting demons. And instead, I’m just sitting here with you.”</p><p>Magnus put the now empty wine glass on the table, then placed a warm, soft hand with long, thin fingers on Alec’s arm. It made something turn inside the shadowhunter that he tried to ignore. “You’re not weak for taking these two months off, if anything you’re quite strong. Not many people admit it to themselves, they keep on pushing themselves until they break under the pressure.” he spoke softly. “We don’t have to talk about the shadow world at all if that is what you want, sweetie. You can pretend like I’m a mundane if you’d like,”</p><p>“Well, you’re nothing like a mundane,” Alec tried to lift the mood a bit by saying, but Magnus just kept on looking at him with this serious look. Like he was worried about Alec. Then he squeezed the shadowhunter’s arm lightly, the feeling sending waves through Alec’s body before the hand was gone again. </p><p>“I’ve been there too, you know?” He folded his hands in his lap.</p><p>“You? But you don’t seem like someone who would-”</p><p>“I told you, it can hit anybody,” Magnus interrupted. “Some years ago I thought I was undestructable. Turns out all the responsibility and all the people demanding you to do things for them, it was too much for be. I ended up hurting my own body and it took me time to get back on track again. Now, I always listen to my body. Does what it tells me to.”</p><p>“You’re wise,” Alec said as all the words imprinted on his mind, reminding him that damage to the body could be caused mentally as well. He was actually quite happy about telling Magnus about this, because he seemed to know what it felt like. </p><p>“Well, I’m old. I’ve learned through experience,” Magnus corrected. </p><p>“How old?” Alec asked before he could even stop himself, cheeks turning red right as the words slipped through his mouth. “Sorry, is that rude to ask?” he hurried to add, feeling the burning sensation in his face. </p><p>“A little. Warlocks don’t really like to talk about their age,” Magnus explained, not offended but more as if he had to teach Alec this. </p><p>Realising he wasn’t going to say it, Alec cleared his throat, thinking that maybe it was about time he went to bed before he said more stupid things. He didn’t want Magnus to feel like he was a burden to have around, and for some reason, it mattered a lot to him what this man was thinking about him. </p><p> </p><p>Opening his eyes, Alec felt confused and unsettled. He looked around nervously until he slowly seemed to remember where he was at, recognizing the warm red color on the walls and a strange painting facing his bed. He had been looking at it yesterday, too, but in the morning light it looked even weirder. </p><p>He felt a little bit beside himself, it was probably just the feeling of waking up somewhere new and feeling a little too far away from home. </p><p>He was quickly dressed, wondering what time it might be now. Looking at his phone, he saw that Jace had texted him, saying, “Having fun with your new room mate?? Just call me whenever you have time! xx” and noticed that it wasn’t more than 8 in the morning. </p><p>There was a growling in his stomach, an ache that told him that he was hungry. Taking a quick look in the mirror in the room, he tried to unmess his messy hair and noticed that he looked really tired. Whatever, he thought, and went to the kitchen. </p><p>He had hardly even taken the first step inside as he saw Magnus in a pair of jogging pants, shirtless, dancing around the kitchen lightly while humming a melody with his deep voice. His back was facing Alec and he was making something Alec couldn’t see. </p><p>At first, the shadowhunter felt a little bit paralyzed, just standing in the doorway debating whether or not to leave and come back when the warlock was done, because this felt… over the line. And still, he couldn’t really move. The sigh made his heart race, like Alec had done something forbidden. </p><p>“Goodmorning, sweetie,” Magnus said not turning around to look at Alec, too focussed on whatever food he was making. He must have heard him coming. “Do you want some breakfast?”</p><p>“Uhmm..” Alec searched for words, not seeming to remember any at all as he stood there for a moment. His cheeks felt hot and red, and since when had he become this blushy, shy mess? “Yeah, sure.” he managed to finally get out. </p><p>As he went to sit down at the opposite end of the counter, he tried to get a glimpse of what was on the pan. “You like pancakes?” Magnus asked, looking at Alec with a warm smile and beautiful, golden eyes. </p><p>Alec nodded, forcing his eyes not to go places where they shouldn’t be. He hadn’t even noticed how gorgeous and soft the warlock’s skin looked before now, the golden-brown color showing off his toned and strong muscles. </p><p>“Do you make pancakes every morning?” Alec asked just so it wouldn’t be so obvious how flushed and shy he felt and how much he had been staring at Magnus’ bare chest. </p><p>“Not at all,” Magnus said with a little laugh in his voice, trying to flip one cake in the air. It landed on the counter and splashed out, but Magnus hurried to flick his hand, blue sparks flying as the cake mysteriously ended up on the pan, anyways. “And don’t expect too much. I’ve only ever made it a couple of times before.”</p><p>“Warlocks!” Alec said teasingly, smiling at how cute it was that Magnus was making him pancakes. The warlock looked offended, but just for the fun of it, then he sent a warm look in Alec’s direction. </p><p>“Look, I can do it without magic, too,” he bragged as he tried to flip it over again, sending it even higher up in the air than earlier. It landed on the edge of the pan, breaking into two and Alec laughed at the sigh. </p><p>“At least you caught half of it this time,” he teased through the laugh, and Magnus just sighed, flicking his hand again and the pancake, repaired and perfectly made, appeared on top of the stack of pancakes that had already been made.</p><p>“I’m trying to be mundane, okay? It’s really hard,” Magnus complained, buttering up the pan before pouring some more dough onto it. Alec wondered if he had even made the dough himself, but doubted it.</p><p>“Why?” the shadowhunter asked amused. </p><p>“Well, you said that I was nothing like a mundane. I wanted to prove you wrong.” Magnus explained concentrated as he put the pan back down. </p><p>“I meant it in a good way.” Alec saw determination in the other man’s golden eyes as if he wasn’t just going to give up. </p><p>“I know,” Magnus said. “But you’re impressed by this, right?”</p><p>“NOo” Alec couldn’t help but say loudly, chuckles escaping his mouth the longer he looked at the shirtless, hopeless warlock. </p><p>“I guess if you want to distance yourself from the shadow world, pretend I’m a mundane, the least I can do is act like one. So I’m not going to use my magic around you,” Magnus explained while concentrating a lot as he picked up the pan with a firm grip and flipped the cake in a perfectly controlled motion. It landed in the middle of the pan, the color brown and crispy. “Yes!” he shouted, triumph in his gaze. </p><p>“You already used it twice.”</p><p>“Those were emergencies. That doesn’t count,” Magnus said teasingly, looking all proud and happy that he managed to get the flip right. Alec felt a little bit lightheaded, and lucky in a way. Because this man was something else, dramatic, but incredibly sweet and caring. Alec’s heart was beating fast behind his chest while he tried to tell himself that it would probably be a really bad idea to start feeling something now.</p><p> </p><p>As they had finished breakfast and Alec had gotten a quick shower, he realized that Magnus had left the apartment once again. And well, warlocks were busy people, and Magnus probably had important stuff to do. He couldn’t just sit around with Alec and keep him busy like Alec was some kind of little puppy. </p><p>So now he had to keep himself occupied. He had all sorts of notebooks with him. Quickly taking them out of the drawer and placing them on the bed, he looked through some of them, trying to get a hang of what was written in them. </p><p>Some of them were very old. He found a red one with golden motives on the front. It looked like it had been very pretty and delicate once, but now it was worn out and fragile. </p><p>Already before opening it, he knew what was inside. It was an old diary, probably starting from when he had been 13, the writing a bit messy in the beginning. The last writing date noted was only about two years ago, he read the upper line: </p><p>“I’ve been having a hard time lately. It has nothing to do with me and Andrew, but everything to do with Jace.”</p><p>Alec’s breath caught as he remembered having written the line, it was like he had almost forgotten how much pain his adoptive brother had caused him back when he had just started to come to term with his own sexuality. Admittingly, he had had a thing for his own brother, he almost cringed as he remembered. </p><p>Andrew, however, he hardly even remembered, despite the fact that he was Alec’s first boyfriend. They had been young and awkward and had both tried to keep it from the people around them, which of course had been more hard work than what it was actually worth. And more than anything, what had drawn them together was the fact that both of them liked men. </p><p>Having read more than enough of that certain book, he closed it, placing it on the far end of the bed. He had a new diary, it was more classical, completely black with the word “Diary” written in white cursives on the front. This one wasn’t a diary where he scribbled down his love life, this one only contained shadowhunter-stuff. </p><p>For some reason, Alec felt his chest tighten as he opened the book to a random page and read, “Today I came home feeling like I had been dragged through a forest in complete darkness. My body hurts and I almost can’t think of anything but the shax demon we found at an abandoned building this morning, the face and the many-..”</p><p>He shut the book close again and threw it next to the red one on the sheets, this time looking for something a little more... unpersonal. </p><p>A light green book with white stripes caught his eyes. It was bigger than the other book, but only by a bit. That was the one, his short story book where he would write down things he made up. Whatever it was, going from modern poetry to old-fashioned fairy tales. </p><p>With a smile, he opened it to the first page and let his eyes wander. His handwriting looked as if this was written only two years ago, the story taking place at a beach, some kind of family drama about to happen by the sea. </p><p>He grabbed a pencil and went out in the living room to sit in a chair with the notebook placed on a table. The bed wasn’t the best place to write these sort of things, he needed to concentrate, to have space enough. </p><p>He was deep in his writing, finishing off a story on another page, as his phone rang from his pocket. </p><p>“Hello,” he said picking it up, watching his handwriting as he waited, already knowing who to expect.</p><p>“Alec!” Jace said excitingly. “Are you at the apartment? Are you having fun?”</p><p>“Yep, I’m just chilling. I’ve been trying to finish some old short stories,” Alec explained, noticing how much his handwriting had improved since this story was written originally. All the small details were perfected. </p><p>“You’re so boring,” Jace exclaimed, having always found it incredibly boring when Alec had wanted to write and read as they had been younger. Jace loved action, he needed something to happen all the time. </p><p>“Well, isn’t that the point of me being here?” Alec threw his legs up on the table, leaning in the chair to a more comfortable position. “I thought you wanted to bore me.”</p><p>“That’s true,” Jace had to admit. “But tell me, were you up all night talking to your cute room mate? Are you guys flirting?”</p><p>“Jace!” Alec felt his cheeks start to blush again, looking around the room just to be completely sure Magnus hadn’t magically appeared. The coast was clear. “And we’re not flirting, or I don’t think so, at least. But he made me pancakes this morning and absolutely sucked at it - but it was really sweet.”</p><p>“He made pancakes? Mundane-style or what?” Jace sounded surprised. </p><p>“In fact, yes. And why didn’t you tell me he was a warlock!” Alec asked blamefully, still a little bit annoyed with Jace for keeping that a secret. </p><p>“I didn’t find it necessary,” Jace said like it was obvious. “I’m just really surprised he’d make a fool of himself like that.”</p><p>“It wasn’t really like that. I mean, he looked really cute and all when he did it,” Alec said like some teenage girl with a crush. And this wasn’t a crush, this was just Alec finding someone really attractive and sweet and cute. </p><p>“I think he is flirting with you. I don’t think the High Warlock of Brooklyn makes pancakes, mundane-style, to just anyone” And that, of course, was new information for Alec as well. </p><p>“He’s the High Warlock of Brooklyn? You’re kidding right?” Alec asked, and why hadn’t Jace told him this sooner? More importantly, why hadn’t Magnus told him that? </p><p>“You didn’t know?” Jace said. “Well, I guess it isn’t really that necessary to know, either.”</p><p>“Are you kidding? I mean, he works at the institute too, right? Keeps up the wards?”</p><p>“How do you think I got you that place? I just asked if he had a spare room for a two months rent when he came to check on the wards,” Jace explained, amusement in his tone. </p><p>“Jace, you’re absolutely unbelievable,” Alec exhaled, feeling like these two people were currently playing ping-pong with him. Well, at least that was one other question answered. Magnus wasn’t used to having roommates and Alec might very well be the first one in many years. Nope, that didn’t feel like a pressure at all. </p><p> </p><p>After hanging up, he had finished another short story. And then another. And as he finished a third, he realised that the time said midnight and he had just been caught up in his own little world, writing and thinking. </p><p>It was a pleasant world to escape into, the real one being too much sometimes. He was heading for his room as he saw a black, small figure with big, yellow eyes looking at him beggingly. It was Chairman Meow, standing outside Magnus’ open door as if waiting for him to come home. </p><p>“Hello, little one,” Alec said with a soft voice, bending to pet the cat. It closed its eyes and purred at the attention, but Alec felt a little bit nervous. It was midnight and he hadn’t come home, was he stuck somewhere or maybe in danger? And what about Chairman, had he been fed and did he have water?</p><p>As Alec got up to go to the kitchen, the little one followed him closely like he felt safe around Alec when Magnus wasn’t around. The water bowl was full but the food bowl empty, so Alec looked in the cabinets, searching for something edible for a cat.</p><p>“Where does he keep your food?” Alec tried to ask him when he couldn’t find any and stood looking at the cat for maybe two minutes before he realized that it wasn’t going to answer him. He sat down in a squatting position next to the cat, pointing at the food bowl. “Food,” he repeated, but the cat just walked into his outstretched hand, purring as if wanting attention. </p><p>Sighing, he stroked the cat and then went to open the refrigerator. Some of his leftover spaghetti would have to do it for tonight, and tomorrow he would have to ask where he kept the cat-food. </p><p>If he was coming home at all. Alec was starting to worry, looking around the kitchen to see if he had left a note or something, but didn’t find any. Hopefully something wasn’t wrong. </p><p>And what would Alec do, anyways. He didn’t have his number, didn’t know any of the same people as Magnus. Hell, he hardly even knew Magnus, this could be perfectly normal. </p><p>There was nothing for him to do other than head to bed, he figured. It took him some time to calm himself down, his mind kept on going places it shouldn’t be, imagining Magnus in need for his help.</p><p>But this man was a High Warlock. He didn’t need anyone. Sleep, he told himself, forcing his eyes close. </p><p>And of course that was when the front door barged open, Alec could hear it clearly from where he was in the other end of the apartment. It shut close with force too, almost as if someone was angry, and that just made one worry replace another, was he alright?</p><p>He felt almost rude for listening as closely as he did, but he couldn’t help it. He heard footsteps, then a loud noise as if someone had walked directly into a wall. He wasn’t drunk, was he? If it hadn’t filled his body with so much worry, maybe he would have found the thought funny. </p><p>Just as another loud sound was all over the apartment, Alec threw the duvet away to get up. It sounded like something breaking, maybe one of Magnus’ many antiquities. If he was drunk and not able to walk straight, he needed Alec’s help. </p><p>As he was reaching for the door knob, he heard voices. It froze him, because was he already with someone? He couldn’t make out what they were saying, or even make out if there was more than one voice - but who comes home around one o’clock, walks into a wall and talks to themselves? Nobody.</p><p>Then the sounds grew smaller as Magnus’ bedroom door closed. And the sound of walking into a wall appeared just were Alec stood, loud and clearly. That was when he realized what was happening. </p><p>Oh. Magnus had brought home someone. Magnus was probably kissing someone, pinning them against that very wall where Alec stood right now. Oh. </p><p>Though he told himself not to, he stopped to listen and now he heard it. Moans, sounds of pleasure coming from just behind the wall, and god, was Magnus screwing someone right now against that very wall? It was almost too much. </p><p>To say that Alec was jealous would be an understatement. And sure, he had been jealous before, but not really like this. It was like as if that certain feeling he had had this morning, feeling lucky and special, had been ripped away from him. Because really, he was nobody. He was just Magnus’ room mate. He had actually never been more than that, so why on earth was he feeling like this all of a sudden?</p><p> </p><p>He was woken by the muffled sound of voices debating something. With a quick look at his phone, he realized that the time wasn’t more than 7 in the morning. It seemed like an early hour to be up, thinking about how late his room mate had gone to bed last night. </p><p>He woke up annoyed, still feeling a little bit jealous and he had to pee. All in all, not the best morning he had had. </p><p>If it hadn’t been for the peeing part, he would probably have just turned around to the other side and slept and hour more. That wasn’t really an option, so he forced himself out of bed. </p><p>He opened the door carefully, listening as the voices grew loud enough for him to hear what they were talking about. They were standing outside Magnus’ bedroom door, Alec guessed.</p><p>“But it’s only 7, Magnus,” a voice said disappointingly, and the first thing that Alec noticed was that this was a man’s voice. “Lets just go back to sleep.”</p><p>“No, listen, this shouldn’t have happened. I’m really sorry about that. But you can’t be here when he wakes up,” Magnus said, apologizing to this man. Alec was in no doubt that this must be the one he had fucked against Alec’s wall last night. Or had been fucked by? Wow, this was almost too much to think about.</p><p>“Who is he anyways? You’ve always lived alone,” the man asked and now Alec knew that it wasn’t just someone random. It was someone Magnus knew, probably well. The only good thing was that them having sex was something that ‘shouldn’t have happened’.</p><p>“Not someone you know. And can’t I have a roommate now, or what?” Magnus sounded almost blameful. And Alec felt like it couldn’t be timed worse, because he really had to pee now. He didn’t leave the man time to answer before he was swinging the door open, pulling the handle down as if he hadn't been eavesdropping. </p><p>“Oh,” He said, acting surprised as he walked out in the hallway to find Magnus in a pair of boxers and a tall, blonde, handsome boy with very pointing ears standing fully dressed. “Good Morning,” he said, noticing right away that the boy was a seelie. And something else he noticed, was Magnus in boxers. His body looked absolutely gorgeous and he didn’t just notice it, it imprinted on his mind. </p><p>“Good morning, Alexander,” Magnus said, smiling at him and this was the very first time he had called him that. But he liked the way it sounded, coming from the warlock’s lips. Alec tried not to stare too much as he walked past them, heading for the bathroom. </p><p>“Oh, so that’s your new roommate? No wonder you are kicking me out,” the seelie whispered, trying to be discreet, but Alec heard it perfectly clear. </p><p>“I’m not kicking you out, I’m just-” And then the bathroom door fell shut, closing out the sounds of the two talking in the hallway. Alec’s mind was everywhere as he peed, who was this guy? He couldn’t be a boyfriend, could he? </p><p>Did Magnus think Alec would have an issue with him being gay or something? Why else would he kick out this guy? It was funny, because reality was that Alec would have had an issue with him not being gay, so things were actually perfectly fine. </p><p>As he came back from the bathroom, the seelie was gone and Magnus had put on a golden bathrobe matching the color of his eyes. </p><p>“Did you sleep well, sweetie?” He asked in his usually caring tone as if pretending nothing had just happened. Alec told himself not to be weird about this. </p><p>“Fine, yes. Who was that?” He asked, watching as Magnus’ face dropped just a little bit. </p><p>“Someone I used to hang out with centuries ago. Nobody important,” he explained as if he hadn’t just had sex with him last night.</p><p>“You’re gay, right?” Alec asked, blurting it out. It wasn’t meant to sound mean or rude, but meant to make Magnus know that Alec didn’t have an issue with that. It was more than fine with him.</p><p>Magnus’ eyes flickered, but his voice was soft as the word “No” left his mouth. And, well, Alec really wasn’t expecting that.</p><p>“But I heard you two last night, having sex against my wall!” he defended his statement, knowing that this maybe wasn’t the right way to tackle this. </p><p>Magnus just looked at him with this stare, clearly taken aback. “Well, I’m really sorry about that, I never meant for you to hear that. I thought you were asleep” he said sounding calm and steady, but a light shade of red had found its way to his cheeks, revealing that this was affecting him. </p><p>“So you just had sex with him, but you’re not gay?” Alec wanted clarified, not like it was any of his concern. Maybe it was just for his own benefit, it would be easier for him to figure out all of these new, weird feelings if he knew whether or not Magnus was gay.</p><p>“I do have sex with men, yes,” Magnus explained, putting it in a way so there was no doubt about this not being a one time thing. “But I’m not gay. I'm bisexual” he added. </p><p>And, well, that made a lot of sense actually. Once again Alec felt rude and embarrassed by being so straightforward.</p><p>“Yeah, well, I didn’t mean to push it out of you or anything,” he apologized. “I just meant to tell you that I’m fine with you being whatever you are, that’s all. You don’t need to hide away the people you date from me, I don’t mind.”</p><p>He wasn’t really sure if it was relief or something else that flashed through the golden eyes as Alec had spoken the words. But the smile seemed a little bit half-heartedly as he took a step closer to Alec, placing a hand on Alec’s forearm, just brushing his skin. </p><p>“Thank you Alec, you are really sweet.” he said with his eyes looking down into Alec’s. And Alec’s heart was racing, pumping as if he had just run a marathon, too caught up in the sensation on his arm to notice anything else.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. I want him to claim me, for him to make me his</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>So Magnus called Alec sweetie. So what, Alec told himself, that wasn’t even a big deal. He probably called everyone sweetie. He had heard him call Chairman Meow sweetpie once and that almost counted.</p><p>Then there was the touching. And Magnus was just a caring person, he liked to show people that he found them nice. The touching was hard to categorize, because Alec hardly even knew what was going on as it was happening, usually. </p><p>He had just been thinking about it lately. And of course telling Jace about it, who was sure that all of those were signs that Magnus wanted Alec. </p><p>Alec wasn’t as sure as Jace. </p><p>“What are you up to?” Magnus asked as he walked into the kitchen were Alec was siting, notebook open and pencil in hand. He wanted to say ‘writing’ but really, he had just been staring at a blank page for some time now, mind running wild. </p><p>“Nothing,” he ended up saying, sounding almost disappointed. “And you? You seem in a hurry.” </p><p>The warlock picked up some things from the refrigerator, putting it into a small, black back. “Just visiting a client. I might be home late.” He explained. Alec had noticed by now that a lot of weird stuff seemed to be filling up the refrigerator, if he wasn’t careful he could easily end up with something disgusting in his food.</p><p>“I’ll just be here, staring at this blank piece of paper,” Alec complaimed, playing with the pencil in his hand. The warlock stopped in his hurry, smiling at Alec with softness on his face. </p><p>“It will come when you don’t expect it to,” he said almost as if he was talking about something deeper and more meaningful than writing. He walked closer, rubbing Alec’s back as if cheering him up. “I gotta go now, but I’ll see you later, sweetie.”</p><p>“See you,” Alec said as the warlock disappeared out of the kitchen. Only to reappear about a minute later. </p><p>“Oh and could you feed Chairman Meow tonight?” He asked. Alec nodded, having finally learned where Magnus kept the cat food. </p><p>“I guess it’s just you and me now, Chairman,” Alec said, looking at the cat that was curled up on the floor. Sure, he was cute, but he was also a little bit stupid for a cat. Why hadn’t Magnus gotten a really smart cat instead. </p><p>And things had just been so easy and nice lately. Magnus never just disappeared anymore, he came to tell Alec where he was going and if he was going to be out late. Admittingly, Alec always hated it when he left, but Magnus was busy so Alec had a lot of time to kill all by himself very often. </p><p>Maybe he wasn’t used to having someone else around, he had only ever had one person to take care of and that was himself. Now, Alec was here, being in his personal space and Magnus probably had to get used to that. </p><p>Alec had been in his own thoughts, not even noticing what he had written down in the notebook. </p><p>“He’s cute and sweet, he makes me complete.” it said, and wow, this was really cringey. He put a line through it, not liking it at all. </p><p>But at least the paper wasn’t blank anymore, he thought. Maybe this would help him get something written - just as a start. It was like that with writing, once he was in the flow, it all came rushing to him. Then he could start writing something more meaningful.</p><p>He wrote, “His eyes are golden. Golden, like nothing I’ve ever seen. They keep secrets from me and hide away how he feels, if only I knew. When they look at me they take away my breath and when he touches me, everything around me seems to disappear. I want him to kiss me, take me by surprise and pin me against a wall, our bodies pressed against each other. I want him naked, every muscle strong and tense as he steadies me beneath the kiss, I want him-”</p><p>And Alec had to stop himself for a moment, because this was suddenly taking a turn. He swallowed, looking at the handwriting on the paper and not really understanding how this even happened. He couldn’t help himself before the pencil was on the paper once again. </p><p>“I want him to touch my body lightly, want only the fingertips to brush along my bare skin. I want him to tease me, to push me down the bed and hold me still as he kisses me with such eagerness and passion that my whole body starts to tremble. I want his hands on my naked body, grabbing my ass and fingers digging into my skin, leaving bruises. I want him to claim me, for him to make me his.”</p><p>Alec just stared at the words, his hand was almost shaking. And he felt it in his body, the arousal that had started to built. He was seriously getting horny just by writing this. Looking down, he knew exactly what he was going to find. His dick was hard in his trousers. What was he doing?</p><p>“I want him to claim me, for him to make me his” kept on resounding in his head as he got up from the chair and hurried to his room. He couldn’t just touch himself, not while these thoughts were on his mind, could he? He closed the door behind him and threw the notebook in the bed, taking a look at himself in the mirror. </p><p>Sure, he had fantasised about men before, but he had never written down the actual fantasies. His pupils were huge and cheeks red, he had to sit down on the bed, to think. </p><p>But his mind just kept on going back to Magnus, to all the things he wanted Magnus to do to him. This hard on wasn’t just going away, he could feel it in his body. Was it really that wrong to jerk off while thinking about your roomie? Your gorgeous, sexy roommate?</p><p>“I want him to claim me, for him to make me his.”</p><p>Before he knew it, he was opening the zipper of his trousers, dick aching to be touched. This would just have to be a secret, no one could ever know about this.</p><p> </p><p>Something had crept into his mind. All these things he had started to imagine whenever the warlock was around, he had caught himself in the moment more than once now, his mind running wild. And that wasn’t just it. Sometimes he got all awkward and blushy when he realized, hopefully it wasn’t obvious enough for Magnus to notice.</p><p>“Are you going to shower?” He asked one evening as he sat on the couch reading a book he had found in Magnus’ book shelf. The warlock came walking out of his room with his towel hanging over the shoulder only wearing a pair of boxers. </p><p>“Isn’t that quite obvious,” he teased, passing behind the couch and ruffling Alec’s hair on the way. Alec couldn’t help but stare over his shoulder, catching as much as Magnus’ body with his eyes as possible.</p><p>“Do you even need to shower?” Alec asked and Magnus turned around, standing outside the bathroom door.</p><p>“Right now or in general?” The warlock put one hand to his hip, causing his muscles to show more clearly. Alec swallowed.</p><p>“In general. I thought warlocks didn’t have to.” he clarified, forcing his mind not to go places where it shouldn’t be.</p><p>“Well, we don’t.” Magnus confirmed. “I just like to shower. It feels nice and clears my mind.”</p><p>“That makes sense.” Alec sent the warlock a shy smile as he watched Magnus disappear into the bathroom and the sound of running water filled the room a second later. And now it was in his head, the idea of Magnus naked and hot water running down his body. </p><p>He told himself to let it go and tried to focus on his book again. It was actually quite interesting, written by a warlock Alec had never heard the name of before. The title, ‘Staying In Control’, had originally caught his interest because that was something Alec had been having issues with lately.</p><p>It turned out to be a book meant for warlocks to read, and not shadowhunters like himself. It linked emotions and magic closely, explaining how controlling emotions was necessary for controlling magic. </p><p>Alec, of course, couldn’t focus on it with the water running in the background and the sight of Magnus wearing almost nothing imprinted on his mind. </p><p>He sat in his own thoughts for some time, losing complete track of time and sense of place. It wasn’t anything specifically, just Magnus. At first, it was the perfect curves of his body, but then it was something more. The warmth and safety Alec felt around him. </p><p>The bathroom door swung open and Magnus came out with the towel wrapped around his hips. His hair seemed long when it wasn’t put in the usual fringe, but Alec loved how gorgeous Magnus was with wet, slightly curly hair.</p><p>Alec found himself blushing. “Was it nice?” he asked, trying to hide away this slight buzz in his body. </p><p>“Really nice.” Magnus said, pulling his fingers through his hair to keep it out of his face. And god, Alec loved it when he did that. “What are you reading?” </p><p>“Oh, something I found,” Alec explained as he lifted the book to show Magnus the title. He was only about halfway through it but it was a somewhat short book compared to the other books on the many shelves. </p><p>“Is that mine?” Magnus frowned, walking closer to stand in front of couch and Alec. He took it from Alec’s hands, brushing them accidentally with his own, Alec tensed a little bit underneath the slight touch.</p><p>“Yes?” he then said questioningly, and sure, he hadn’t asked for permission to read it, but it was just a book. And it wasn’t like he was taking it somewhere, he had only been reading on the couch in the living room. “Is that a problem?”</p><p>“Well, it’s just not really a shadowhunter book,” Magnus said, probably then just realizing how much it sounded like Alec couldn’t read the book. He hurried to hand the book back after having looked at it closely. “I mean, it can’t be interesting for you to read. Isn’t it boring to try to understand warlocks and their weaknesses and strengths?”</p><p>“I think it is interesting,” Alec said softly, a little bit afraid of having crossed a line without even being aware of it.  “I like her writing style, it inspires me. And it is like this with shadowhunters too, you know? You can easily burn yourself on a powerful rune if your emotions aren’t in check.”</p><p>“But shadowhunters can’t do as much harm when they lose control. The runes aren’t their weapons.” Magnus crossed his arms, something in his eyes looked a little bit nervous about this situation. </p><p>“Look, if you don’t want me to read it, I’ll just put it back,” Alec said slowly, closing the book. Magnus’ gaze flickered, mouth open as if he was about to say something. </p><p>“It’s not like that. It’s just a boring book for you,” he tried to argue once again, using the same, lame argument. But Alec got the hint, he wouldn’t want to do this if Magnus didn’t like it. </p><p>“I’ll just put it back,” Alec said as he got up, passing Magnus to put it where he had found it. Maybe the warlock had gotten the book from someone who had died and was afraid of something happening to it. Maybe he had written personal notes somewhere inside the book. Alec couldn’t know. </p><p>But a strong hand on his upper arm held him back before he made it to the shelves. Something shot through his body, he felt his own breath catch and heard the soft sigh that Magnus let out. “No, don’t put it back. Of course you can read whatever you want to,” </p><p>Alec swallowed, then turned around in the grip. Magnus’ hand felt a little bit damp from the showering, still. “I don’t want to read it if you act all nervous and weird about it,” Alec said, not meant to sound hurtful in any way, but because it was the truth. He might as well be honest. </p><p>“I know. It’s stupid, it’s just… I feel kind of exposed with you reading that,” he admitted as his hand dropped from Alec’s arm, his eyes were still unsure.</p><p>Alec felt something in his chest because this warlock couldn’t possibly feel vulnerable, could he? He was the High Warlock of Brooklyn, centuries old and Alec had always found him so strong. </p><p>“Why?” he had asked before he had the time to stop himself. He regretted it right away, because Magnus was finally being honest about this. “Sorry, it’s just… I don’t think it’s shameful at all, it is just how it is for all warlocks.”</p><p>“It’s a weakness,” Magnus tried to argue and something in his voice sounded so small. Alec had never really seen him like this before, he took a step closer, hesitating for just a second before reaching out to put a steady hand on Magnus’ golden-brown cheek. It felt damp and warm in his hand.</p><p>“It’s a strength,” Alec said. “It’s all about knowing your own abilities, knowing when your body is able to do what you want it to. Knowing when to use your magic. Once you learn to keep your emotions in check, it’s a strength.”</p><p>Magnus seemed like he wanted to answer, but he just stood there, not knowing how to. And this was all so new and unexpected and the way Magnus’ eyes almost burned had Alec feel like he had said something wrong. </p><p>“Some magic has to be used all the time,” Magnus finally stated, still looking at the shadowhunter with golden, unsure eyes, but right as the words left his mouth, he swallowed, turning his gaze to look at the floor. “I should probably go get dressed,” he added, and Alec removed his hand. </p><p>“Yeah, right.” Then the warlock turned around to walk to his room, and Alec stood there for a second with the book in his hand. In the middle of trying to figure out whether to put the book back or to keep on reading it, he realized something. Maybe Magnus wasn’t quite as tough as Alec thought, maybe he was vulnerable and scared sometimes, too. It only made Alec like him even more.</p><p> </p><p>He was in the middle of some story he had been working on all day, sitting at the table in the living room. Some phrases he had read in ‘Staying in control’ were on his mind as he wrote, feeling inspired by the author's way of writing. Her use of words.</p><p>With a quick glance at the bookshelves, he caught a glimpse of the back of the book. He had put it back after Magnus’ and his conversation, just because he had been a little bit afraid of pushing any limits. But he couldn’t get it off his mind now and hadn’t been able to for some days.</p><p>The warlock had been out all day, and even with the apartment all to himself he kept himself from reading in the book. It was actually quite stupid.</p><p>Things had gone back to normal quickly after their conversation and the vulnerable, nervous look in Magnus’ eyes had gone back to softness and caring. And now Alec tried to relive the magical writing by trying to imitate her style in his own green notebook. </p><p>He had been writing non-stop, ideas and words coming to him even quicker than what his hand could follow. The story wasn’t exactly like the ones Alec usually wrote, this one debated physical and mental strength in a poetry kind-of-way, nothing like he had ever written. But he kind of liked it, anyways. Was proud of it. </p><p>After some time he got tired of the hardness of the chair in the living room and got up to sit in the couch. It was more difficult to write here, so instead he started reading what he had wrote. He was about finished anyways, he thought, and sometimes it’s good to take a break from all the writing.</p><p>He liked the dreamy, almost philosophically feeling of the line, “Whenever the mind is running wild, only the body tires. The wind inside my head is the storm that knocks me over.” </p><p>It reminded him a lot of some phrases he had read in ‘Staying in Control’, the author had explained how magical incidents were often caused by an unsettled mind. Sudden emotions were dangerous. </p><p>With the pencil in his hand, biting on the end of it, he continued reading, getting caught up in the small universe he felt like he had created. As he reached the end, he sat for just a second, thinking about what else to add. But it felt so finished - at least, he wasn’t sure how to continue now. </p><p>Instead he looked through the book and stumbled upon the little thing he had written the other day. Instantly, he was reminded of how he had touched himself with these lines and the sight of Magnus naked running through his mind. </p><p>He had to read it again, and by the time he reached the last line, “I want him to claim me, for him to make me his,” he was, of course, turned on once again. He twisted a bit on the couch, feeling a little bit uncomfortable in his own body, because this was incredibly forbidden. He really shouldn’t have written this, let alone be reading it now, again.</p><p>More words were pressing on his mind, pencil instantly working on the paper once again. “I wonder what he thinks about when he showers. I know he likes the feeling of hot water on his body, strong hands washing and touching every inch of his golden-brown skin. Does he ever think of something dirty? I want him to take me with him, undress me and caress my body as the water soaks me. I want our bodies wet and damp, uniting as he kisses me deeply. And firstly, the sound of running water will be all over us, but then it’ll be gone, completely faded into the messy and hot sounds of pleasure.”</p><p>And what the hell was he even doing? Now his body was burning once again, blood pumping with so much force that his cheeks were the color of deep red. He felt it everywhere, the lust and arousal. For some reason, the thought of Magnus showering, naked and horny was just incredibly hot, and Alec was hard again. It was more than obvious in the soft, grey material of his jogging pants. </p><p>He swallowed, closing his eyes and trying to put his mind elsewhere. He wasn’t going to masturbate with Magnus on his mind again, no way. It had felt so forbidden the first time and even though his crotch was aching, demanding to be touched, he couldn’t do this again. </p><p>So he sat there, book in his hand, trying to keep himself from touching. But it was all over him, he was already leaking precum and it was starting to create a small, clearly visible stain on the grey material. </p><p>And that’s when it happened. The door swung open and the warlock walked inside and all Alec had time for was to close the book so at least Magnus wouldn’t know what the hell had gotten Alec this horny. </p><p>“Hey sweetie, I thought I’d come back a bit earlier,” Magnus said as he closed the door and Alec just sat there, not knowing what to do. There was nothing around him to hide behind. He said nothing.</p><p>Seconds later Magnus was looking at Alec, softness and happiness in his eyes at first but then he must have noticed something. It was probably the way Alec’s cheeks were burning with heat, flushed and completely red. </p><p>His eyes drifted downwards, suddenly realizing exactly what was happening. “Are you reading?” he asked in a controlled way, swallowing once the words had left his mouth. His own cheeks were staring to flush a little bit too, and this was just plain stupid, Why hadn’t Alec gone to his room, why did he have to sit there in the middle of the living room?</p><p>And why did Magnus have to start a conversation now? Now Alec was forced to respond, and he didn’t trust his own voice at all. “No,” he just said, trying to pretend like nothing was going on. </p><p>Magnus’ eyes darted back to the book and something in his face changed completely. He obviously tried to hide it, but Alec saw how the golden color for a split second turned yellow and the pupil split the iris in two. “You’re... writing.” he exhaled, then turned away his gaze.</p><p>Alec was about to answer, not really sure what he was going to say, though. Everything was just so tense, the whole situation was so hard to navigate. But then Magnus murmured, “I’m sorry to disturb,” and just as quickly as he had gotten there, he was gone again. </p><p>Alec couldn’t even breathe. And the worst part was that it wasn’t even the embarrassment of having just been caught with his dick hard and throbbing. It was the excitement. </p><p>That’s when Alec realized what Magnus had meant two days ago when he had said that some magic had to be used all the time, because glamours were constant magic. And damn, now all he could think about was Magnus looking at him with his cat eyes, cheeks blushing.</p><p> </p><p>A knock on his door forced Alec to look up from his phone. He was in the middle of some conversation with Jace, but threw it on the nightstand, saying, “Come on in.”</p><p>Magnus peeked inside with a shy smile playing on his lips, standing in the door as he said, “Am I disturbing something?”</p><p>Alec’s cheeks blushed a little bit. “No, you’re not.” Then he forced himself not to be awkward about this and added jokingly, “Not this time, at least.”</p><p>Magnus laughed, opening the door further to walk inside. His gaze was a little uncertain, still. “I’m really sorry about that, I should probably have told you that I was coming home earlier.” he tried to apologize. </p><p>Alec gestured for him to sit down on the bed next to where he sat himself. “I’m sorry you had to catch me like that. It won’t happen again, I promise you that”</p><p>“Well, technically, you weren’t doing anything wrong,” And for some reason, it was alright, because he felt like Magnus wouldn’t judge him. </p><p>“I guess it is just part of living with a teenage boy,” he joked, smiling at Magnus and telling himself that this was alright. And even though Magnus was looking at Alec with this certain glance, it only seemed to make Alec’s head spin in a good way. </p><p>“I wouldn’t really know,” Magnus said, then shook his head before Alec could say something. “Anyway, I wondered if we should make dinner together tonight? I know I have been out a lot lately, so I thought it would be nice. What do you say?”</p><p>“Mundane-style?” Alec asked doubtfully, teasingly. </p><p>“Are you doubting my cooking skills, Alexander?” Magnus looked offended, but just for the fun of it.</p><p>“I would never.” Alec said, smiling. “It sounds like a good idea. I’d really like that.”</p><p>He was about to add, “that’s a date” but didn’t, because it wasn’t really a date and would Magnus catch onto the joke? Well, maybe he didn’t add it because he honestly wanted it to be one, but was too afraid to say so. He reminded himself that these feelings were forbidden, because he lived with the god damn guy. </p><p>Something flashed through Magnus’ eyes, a frown was on his face a second later. “Can I ask you something? I don’t know if it is too much.” he asked.</p><p>Alec sighed. “Is it about, like, yesterday and my writing?”</p><p>“Yes?” Magnus said almost questioningly, looking for every reaction on Alec’s face. </p><p>“I don’t even know how it happened. I never write, like… stuff like that.” he admitted.</p><p>“Is it about someone special?” The way the words fell from Magnus’ mouth would have sounded almost nervously tense if Alec hadn’t known better. “I mean, we don’t really talk about these kind of things, so I don’t even know if you have someone-”</p><p>“I don’t” Alec interrupted without even thinking about it. But then he got silent for a second, his hands playing with the hem of his shirt. “But, well. There is someone, but I don’t think it is mutual”</p><p>“Is that something you think?” Magnus asked carefully, as if trying to understand. “Or something you know? I mean, have you told her how you feel?”</p><p>And, well, this was of course expected. Because Alec hadn’t even told Magnus yet that he was gay, so here he was crushing on his gorgeous roomie while his gorgeous roomie had no idea that Alec liked men, too. </p><p>And for some reason, the most natural reaction was Alec just starting to laugh. He saw the confusion on Magnus’ face, but couldn’t really help it. How ridiculous was this? </p><p>“Oh Magnus,” he said once he had gotten his laughter a little bit under control. “Trust me, not even the hottest girl in the world could get me horny like that.” The words just fell from his mouth as he thought of why he hadn’t told Magnus this earlier. “I’m gay.”</p><p>Magnus looked genuinely surprised, his mouth opened slightly. “You’re gay?” he asked, just to be sure he wasn’t misunderstanding something. </p><p>“Yep.” Alec confirmed, still chuckling at Magnus’ expression. </p><p>“But you acted all weird when I told you that I was… well, sleeping with men. You acted all awkward.”</p><p>“Kind of like you are acting right now?” Alec teased, and the confused look turned into an embarrassed smile, cheeks flushing. </p><p>“Oh, shut up,” Magnus said, hitting Alec lightly on the leg. “I’m not awkward, I’m just surprised.”</p><p>“You’re kind of awkward, but in a cute way,” Alec argued, watching the warmth that found its way to Magnus golden eyes. </p><p>“I guess that makes us two, then.”</p><p>And Alec, once again, reminded himself not to get too carried away in these feelings. Because suddenly they were all over him.</p><p> </p><p>“Can you hand over the green, cucumber-looking thing, sweetie?” Magnus asked impatiently from behind the pan, not taking his eyes of the food as he stretched out an arm.</p><p>“Cucumber-looking thing?” Alec asked, trying to suppress a laugh. “You mean the zucchini?”</p><p>“It’s called that?” Magnus asked surprised, looking all amateour from where he stood. But Alec had been directed to sit in the bar chair on the other side of the counter, because Magnus had to prove a point about being an excellent cook. “That’s a stupid name.”</p><p>“Are you seriously telling me that you are centuries old and don’t even know that this is called a Zucchini?” Alec asked as he held the vegetable in his hand, showing it to Magnus as he spoke. He found this incredibly funny. </p><p>“I never cook, okay. I’m doing this for your sake, remember? No shadow world?” Alec rolled his eyes, throwing the zucchini at the warlock who, admittingly, caught it skillfully in the air. Then he turned it around in his hand, frowning. </p><p>Alec laughed from behind the counter. “You look like you’ve never seen a vegetable before.”</p><p>“Actually, I think I’ve seen this one before. I think I’ve used one during sex once.” Magnus explained, but looked a lot like he wasn’t certain. “Then again, they all look the same.”</p><p>“I’m not sure I trust your cooking skills after all.” But it hardly even mattered, because Alec was enjoying himself, watching Magnus look confused behind the pan. </p><p>“Wait and see,” Magnus said, then started cutting up the zucchini while onions, carrots and broccoli was burning on high heat on the pan. </p><p>“You want me to stir that while you cut?” Alec asked, nodding towards the pan. </p><p>“No, it’s fine.” The warlock took his time, cutting the vegetable slowly and steadily and Alec sat on the edge of his chair. </p><p>“You’ll burn it,” he then said with an intense gaze fixed on the smoke coming from the pan. </p><p>“It’ll be fine,” Magnus once again tried to argue, almost halfway through the stupid zucchini. He cut of a small piece, putting it into his mouth and then made a grimace, clearly not impressed.</p><p>Alec wasn’t impressed either, and now he couldn’t help it anymore. He hurried to the pan. “Seriously, you suck at this. You need to stir it and lower the heat,” he said as he started taking over, reaching to turn on the extractor hood in the process. </p><p>Magnus looked confused. “This doesn’t even taste good, why are we putting this into the food, again?”</p><p>“The receipt says so. And it tastes better once it’s cooked.” Alec argued, putting the half that had already been cut down to the other ingredients. </p><p>“It’ll probably taste better if we don’t follow the receipt and go with what we like.” Magnus said as if he knew anything about cooking at all. Alec snorted. </p><p>“It’ll probably taste better if you take that chair and wait there until this is done,” Alec teased him, sending a small smile to let Magnus know that he was joking. And how could someone who seemed that experienced with everything suck at something this simple. </p><p>“Luckily, you’re really cute, otherwise I would have found that offending,” And now Alec was starting to blush again, it was like he couldn’t even control it anymore. He tried to focus on the food, but had a hard time with Magnus’ observing gaze from the sideline. He turned down the heat a bit. </p><p>“You think you can hand me over some seasoning?” he asked instead of answering. </p><p>“Sure, but you’re in the way,” Magnus said amused, and as Alec moved a couple of steps backwards, continuing to stir the pan, he heard a small laugh escape Magnus’ mouth. </p><p>Then the warlock pulled out the lower drawer, the side of his body touching Alec as he looked through it. “What do you need?” he asked. </p><p>“Do you have cumin?”</p><p>Magnus looked up, from where he was bending, catching Alec’s eyes, and it felt a little bit funny to look down at the tall warlock like this. “I have everything, so tell me what you need.” he said, smiling slightly. </p><p>“Cumin,” Alec said determined, and as Magnus looked through the drawer Alec couldn’t help but observe him. His hair looked so soft and nice from this angle, even darker than usual. Alec kind of wanted to run his fingers through it. </p><p>As Magnus straightened up again, he was standing threateningly close to Alec. He closed the drawer with his food and put the seasoning on the counter, bending a little bit closer with the motion. </p><p>Alec was looking up now, their eyes on each other and Magnus’ golden ones were absolutely gorgeous and seemed so warm. “There you go,” he said calmly, standing so close that Alec almost felt the breath on his skin. The shadowhunter swallowed, feeling his whole body start to fill with this weird sensation as Magnus stood this close. </p><p>“Thank you,” Alec said and they both seemed to realize the situation, Magnus cleared his throat as he took a step backwards. Then, it was like this jokingly, teasingly atmosphere had been ripped away, filled with something else. Something that was clearly in the air, hovering over them. </p><p>“So..” Alec started in an attempt of breaking the silence that had fallen on them suddenly. “You and that seelie… Are you a thing, or what?”</p><p>It was a lame attempt, because he hadn’t heard Magnus mention him as much as once since that day where Alec found out. Of course they weren’t a thing, Alec would have guessed. Wouldn’t he?</p><p>“I thought I told you. We’re nothing, it wasn’t even something that should have happened at all,” Magnus explained calmly, still standing a bit awkwardly a couple of feet from Alec. </p><p>“Yeah, well, just thought I’d ask. You were right earlier, we never talk about stuff like this,” Alec said as he suddenly realized that they hadn’t ever discussed any of their lovelives. And it was a little bit unusual, Alec thought, compared to how close they had gotten.</p><p>“I understand. But don’t worry about him.” Alec kept on stirring in the pan, seasoning it with the cumin, pretending like everything was just as it had been about ten minutes ago. </p><p>“It’s not like I’m worried, I’m just curious, I want to know more about you,” Alec said honestly, except the curious part wasn’t exactly true. All he was curious about was whether Magnus was single or not. And the alarm in the back of his head warned him once again. This was forbidden to feel. </p><p>“I feel like you know me pretty well. You know how bad I am at cooking, only very few people know that,” Magnus tried to tease, and Alec saw the soft and caring smile in his eyes as his gaze turned to Magnus. His head felt light. </p><p>“I’ll teach you if you want me to?” Alec offered, then bended down to open the lower drawer once again. “Just gotta see what else you’ve got down here.”</p><p>“You want me to stir the pan while you look?” Magnus asked uncertain as Alec looked through the many small boxes. Oregano, cinnamon, cilantro - disgusting, he thought - but Magnus had been right. He had everything down there. </p><p>“If you want to,” Alec said, trying to find something that would taste good. The warlock was standing very close to him, but Alec forced himself to just focus on the food now. </p><p>It was impossible to avoid, so he had to allow it. As he got back up, their bodies were touching and Magnus was stirring the food with one hand, the other one coming around Alec’s body to rest on his back, just the slight touch. </p><p>“Did you find something good,” he asked, but Alec couldn’t focus on anything but the heat of Magnus’ body and the feeling of the hand on his back. He swallowed, seasoning the food, answering “yes” underneath his breath. </p><p>Why was it that Magnus had to be this unbelievably gorgeous and sweet and amazing? Alec couldn’t even have Magnus’ hand on his back without feeling completely out of breath, almost speechless. He couldn’t be in the warlock’s goddamn presence without wanting him.</p><p>He sat down the small boxes on the table, turning to walk to the refrigerator, saying, “I just gotta see if-”</p><p>But he was caught off guards by strong hands holding on to his arms and lips clashing against his mouth in an unexpected move. It sent a shock though his body, every muscle suddenly alert and tense as he was pressed closer into Magnus’ body. </p><p>Alec was too taken aback to move at first, caught in the moment, but then the feeling on his lips softened and Magnus started moving his with slow and gentle movements, causing Alec’s eyes to fall shut.</p><p>He completely melted underneath it and let himself get lost in the sensation. The feeling of the kiss was so sweet, so careful that it was all he could think about. The alarm in the back of his mind, telling him this was forbidden, was fading more and more for every second he was held in the embrace of Magnus’ strong arms. </p><p>And he had been wanting this for so long that it felt almost unreal. Magnus’ lips were so soft. The way he moved them felt skilful and certain, and Alec let Magnus control the kiss, while he himself tried to stay on his feet, not to lose balance. </p><p>Strong hands were wrapping around his waist the next second and warmth was all over the two boys. Alec’s arms wrapped around Magnus’ neck, fingers running through the soft hair at the back of his head like he had thought about earlier. His head felt so light and he had to steady himself. </p><p>He liked the way Magnus held him close as their mouths worked together. Every little movement had his chest tighten. </p><p>As the warlock pulled back to catch his breath, Alec felt like he was flying on a cloud, breathing quickly, almost panting. Their foreheads rested against each other and Alec couldn’t even open his eyes, couldn’t escape this moment. </p><p>Then the soft mouth was on his again, but this time with more force. Magnus pushed Alec a bit backwards so he was pressed against the counter and suddenly, a soft tongue was licking at his bottom lip, begging to deepen the kiss. Alec couldn’t resist even if he wanted to, he was so caught up in the feeling of Magnus. </p><p>The tongue felt so experienced, Magnus knew just how to make waves of pleasure go through Alec’s body from how he was pressing him against the counter, kissing him with lust. And lust was also spreading in Alec’s body now, quickly. </p><p>As the warlock caught Alec’s lower lip between his teeth, causing a sting that was quickly replaced by the sweetness of Magnus’ soft tongue, Alec almost couldn’t hold it back. He let a suppressed moan get trapped between their mouths, enjoying the pleasure. </p><p>And then Alec wasn’t really sure what was happening, but the feeling of Magnus’ mouth and body pressed against his was suddenly gone. He whimpered at the empty sensation, arms still wrapped around Magnus’ neck as he opened his eyes. </p><p>The warlock had a hand pressed to his own forehead, eyes closed and he looked in pain, for some reason. “Are you okay?” Alec asked carefully with a shaky voice, still feeling lightheaded from the kiss. </p><p>“I’m fine, I’m just…” Magnus started, one arm still holding Alec by the waist. Then he opened his eyes, finally looking at Alec. “I just get a bit carried away, I don’t mean to hurt you.” </p><p>And his eyes were yellow, split in the middle of the iris. But that feeling Alec had had the first time Magnus had showed him the cat eyes, it was gone. This time, it made his heart beat fast with the feeling of love spreading in his body. </p><p>“You are not hurting me at all.” Alec said quietly, hands coming around to cup Magnus’ face, looking into the nervous eyes. </p><p>A slight smile started to appear at the corner of the warlock’s mouth. “You are too sweet.”</p><p>“And I don’t care if your eyes are yellow or golden, I like it when you look at me regardless.”</p><p>“No, Alec.” Magnus started, eyes flickering suddenly. “This isn’t supposed to happen. But I just… lose control so easily when I’m around you.”</p><p>“Well, so do I. You’re not the only one.” Alec said reassuring.</p><p>Magnus’ free hand went to grab Alec’s at his cheek, squeezing it lightly. “I just know what I’m capable of if I get too carried away, and I wouldn’t want anything to happen to you.” It sounded so calm, so honest. </p><p>Before Alec could respond, the soft lips were on his cheek brushing lightly along his cheekbone. Magnus said quietly, almost whispering, “We should probably start stirring in the pan again before we burn the food, right?”</p><p>When he pulled back again his eyes were golden, and for some reason Alec was already starting to miss the feeling of Magnus looking at him with yellow, split cat eyes. However, he just smiled, letting go of the warlock to continue cooking.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This was originally going to be the end, but I decided to add a little extra.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Maybe the day after tomorrow</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Fresh air was blowing in Alec’s hair. It felt good to be outside, for him to get a bit away from the smell and feeling of Magnus’ apartment. Something had been filling him up, a sensation he couldn’t really understand.</p><p>“Don’t you get bored?” Izzy asked, walking almost as much in her own thoughts as Alec had been doing. “I mean, you spend so much time alone in the apartment - isn’t it boring?”</p><p>“Not really,” Alec replied. The sound of gravel crushing beneath their feet filled the silence as they continued walking and Alec enjoyed having her here. He had been missing her, it was clear. </p><p>But it also felt like he had been thrown into this new life even though it hadn’t been much more than three weeks since he had moved into Magnus’ apartment. It was only now with the shadow world put at a distance that he started to realize how much he didn’t miss being a shadowhunter.</p><p>“What do you do when Magnus isn’t there?” she asked. Not to fill the silence, but because she was curious. They were both so used to each other’s company they hardly needed any words. </p><p>“I write and read most of the time he’s gone,” Alec explained, then sighed. “But he’s gone a lot.”</p><p>“Well, I bet he is busy.” They had reached a small forest, the gravel turning to grass and something about the smell gave Alec a nostalgic feeling. It reminded him of being a kid and walking around in the forests in Idris. </p><p>“But do you feel better? Or are you still exhausted and drained from time to time?” Izzy asked in a sisterly worried way. </p><p>“I’m definitely better.”</p><p>“That’s what Jace said as well, but..” Izzy hesitated, thinking about how to put it. “You just seem a little bit off today. Like something is getting to your head.”</p><p>And did Alec look like an open book to Isabelle or what? It was like he couldn’t even keep this weird feeling away for a couple of hours while walking with her. </p><p>“I’m fine, I’m not exhausted like that anymore. It’s just something else.” Alec said simply. He thought about how he had woken up to an empty apartment this morning, feeling his heart drop at the realization, for some reason very disappointed. He thought about their dinner the night before.</p><p>And then he thought about the kiss. Actually, he had been thinking about the kiss non-stop ever since it happened. Dinner had been quicker than necessary and maybe Magnus had sensed that something had been off with Alec. How he had hurried to his room to close out everything.</p><p>And honestly, he wasn’t even sure why. Maybe it was just because it had given him a chance to think as he had finished dinner himself, and it had made him realize how careful he had to be not to mess it all up. He wasn’t meant to fall in love with Magnus because they lived together. And he had told himself multiple times not to get too attached, all it was going to do was hurt him.</p><p>“Is it about you and Magnus?” his sister asked carefully, guessing exactly what was happening inside of Alec’s mind once again. </p><p>“You know me too well.” He tried to send her a smile, but it felt a little bit half heartedly. </p><p>“Did something happen between you?” </p><p>Alec sighed. “No, not really,” he lied, for some reason he didn’t have the energy to explain everything. “And it’s stupid, really, because I had finally gotten away from all the stress I felt at the institute. But now I start stressing out because of some warlock I have only known for a couple of weeks.”</p><p>“It’s not stupid, Alec, it is part of life,” Izzy reassured. “As long as you just listen to your body.”</p><p>“I’m trying to. It’s just..” Alec trailed off, not sure how to put it. It was starting to get a little bit chilly as they walked in the shadows of the forest. The sound of summer was all around them, though, birds singing and happy voices audible in the distance. “I’ve just felt so happy lately, I don’t want that feeling to disappear.”</p><p>He wasn’t really sure why he had been feeling so much better. It had been a long time since he had last blacked out or thought about demon attacks and dangerous missions. </p><p>“Alec, actually I came here to tell you something,” Izzy said carefully after a bit of time. “Jace told me not to tell you, but I feel like you should know.”</p><p>“What is it?” The way she talked made Alec feel nervous. </p><p>“It’s mom and dad, they are not exactly happy with you being here, not going on missions and such.” she started, then hesitated. “They are just from a different time where stress was hardly even a thing. They both want to bring you back to the institute, but Jace and I have been trying to talk them out of it, but… you know mom. That’s why I wanted to tell you about it.”</p><p>“Oh,” Alec said quietly, slowing down his walking. “So they think this makes me weak?”</p><p>“Nono, not like that,” Izzy hurried to say, realizing now that Alec had stopped walking and was looking confused and a little disappointed. </p><p>“But they think I’m just making this up?”</p><p>“Alec no,” Izzy reached out for his arm, placing a supportive hand as her voice softened. “They know you haven’t been feeling well, but they are too focussed on what the Clave might think. They want to bring you back, because they don’t think that staying at Magnus’ place is helping you. Which is stupid, because obviously you’ve been feeling way better ever since.”</p><p>“Do you know when?” Alec asked, voice still nervous. </p><p>“I don’t know much, Alec. But I just think it is better for you to know so it doesn’t come as a shock. But all you have to do is just focus on getting better, okay? Don’t worry so much about this.”</p><p>And Alec knew she was right. Of course he shouldn’t think so much about it, but it was like he couldn’t get it off his mind. Something was unsettled inside of him. This feeling was all over him, he felt almost scared.</p><p>He was very quiet on the rest of the walk, and Alec couldn’t figure out if he was glad that Izzy had told him or if he would have prefered not to know at all.</p><p> </p><p>It was around dinnertime when he made it home. He had walked Izzy back to the institute just because he had needed some extra time to think and be himself. And now he felt tired and sad, something had started to form behind his chest. </p><p>This had always been his soft spot. Izzy and Jace were both so brave and fearless, Alec had never been like that and he just wanted his parents to be proud of him too. But he wasn’t nearly as perfect as his siblings, and it actually hurt him a lot to realize.</p><p>He couldn’t believe his parents hadn’t come to tell him in person. Had they just been discussing how weak he was behind his back? - the thought felt almost like a stab. </p><p>“Look, I know I suck at cooking, but I thought about making burgers tonight. That should be easy enough, right?” was the first thing Magnus said as Alec walked through the door, and the sound of Magnus’ deep, well known voice only made the pressure behind his chest ache even more. </p><p>Alec hardly even looked at the warlock who had come to greet him at the door, instead he just put his jacket and shoes aside and said quietly, “I’m not really hungry.”</p><p>“We could make something else if you don’t like burgers, maybe pizza. That should be easy too. We could also-” Magnus cut himself off as he realized that Alec was hardly even listening, just standing by the door staring into the air. “Hey, are you alright, sweetie?” he asked carefully. </p><p>“I’m fine. I’m just tired,” Alec lied with a lump forming in his throat, but he tried to force it away. He couldn’t look at Magnus, he knew that it would only make everything worse. But even without looking he felt Magnus hesitate as he stepped closer.</p><p>Then a soft, but strong hand was cupping one of Alec’s cheeks, gently turning his head so the two were facing each other. And Magnus golden eyes looked so worried, looking at Alec with a certain gaze like he wouldn’t want anything to happen to him. Alec had been right, it only made everything worse.</p><p>“You don’t seem fine, Alexander.” Magnus said slowly. Maybe it was just really easy to look right through Alec, because apparently everyone seemed to know exactly how he was feeling. </p><p>Alec swallowed, not really trusting his own voice as he spoke. “I don’t really want to talk about it.”</p><p>Something seemed to drop a bit in Magnus’ eyes. “Does this have something to do with us and what happened yesterday?” he asked softly. And suddenly, the heat from his hand felt like it was burning Alec. It was probably just all of the emotions that had suddenly surfaced and sat threateningly in the shadowhunter’s throat. “I hope I didn’t do something wrong.” he added, voice vulnerable in a way.</p><p>“You didn’t do anything wrong. I just have a lot going on right now,” Alec said quietly, concentrating so much on holding himself together that he hardly even noticed the wave of something that went through the golden eyes.</p><p>“If you want to talk about it at some point, you can always come to me,” Magnus said with a hint of disappointment and hurt in his voice.</p><p>Alec nodded slowly, trying to get his own breathing under control. Then the warlock’s soft lips were brushing Alec’s forehead leaving a gentle kiss, and Alec wasn’t sure if it helped a little or if it only made the lump in his throat grow. He kind of wanted to bury his body in Magnus' strong arms, but knew it would only complicate things.</p><p>“Thank you,” Alec whispered, closing his eyes at the warmth that Magnus’ lips caused in his body. Then he felt the pressure grow and had to focus on not crying once again, because it was so hard to not give in. </p><p>As they pulled back again, Alec was avoiding Magnus’ eyes even though he knew all Magnus wanted was to be there for him and help him. But he couldn’t do this right now, he just needed to be alone in his room and not have anyone look at him like he needed protection. It only made him feel even more weak. </p><p>“I think I need to be alone,” Alec said shakingly, doing all he could to keep his voice under control. He felt the strong hand drop from his cheek, leaving an even emptier feeling behind. He wasn’t completely sure why he was feeling like this, maybe it was just too much for him suddenly with everything happening. </p><p>He made his way past Magnus and was sure that the warlock watched him as he walked down the hallway, wanting to say something to make things better. But right now, there was no fixing this, right now he just needed to be alone with his thoughts. </p><p>He sat on the bed, just staring out into nothing, thinking about how it would be to go back. Searching through the drawer by the bed, he found the black diary he only used when he was feeling like this, and started writing down all of these emotions inside.</p><p>But tiredness got the best of him and trying to keep his emotions in check had drained him from all his energy, so shortly after he was asleep with the book open in his hand. </p><p> </p><p>It was around 3 am when he woke up in his clothes, the light turned on and this unsettled feeling in his body. His head felt heavy, it took him a couple of seconds to remember where he was and why. </p><p>Waking up, Alec started to regret how he had acted yesterday. He shouldn’t have pushed Magnus away like that, but he had just been so scared. And why did Magnus have to be so incredibly sweet and caring? It was so hard for Alec to tell himself to not get too caught up in Magnus when Magnus was everything Alec wanted. </p><p>And pushing him away wasn’t helping at all, because here he was, feeling empty and regretful and all he wanted was for Magnus to be here by his side. </p><p>There was no point in it anymore, because Alec had already started to feel something he shouldn’t. </p><p>He thought about their kiss in the kitchen, how Magnus’ glamour had been pierced and the way he had told Alec how easily he lost control when Alec was around. </p><p>Sighing, he got up from the bed to go brush his teeth. For some reason, Magnus’ bedroom door stood wide open, Chairman was sound asleep on the sheets. Was he still up? Alec heart skipped a beat and he went to check in the living room, but it was empty. </p><p>Right now, he really needed to talk to Magnus and explain everything to him, because he needed to get rid of the pressure behind his chest. He hurried to the kitchen and disappointment spread in his body as he found it empty as well. Alongside an empty bottle of wine.</p><p>So many thoughts were starting to go through his head. Was Magnus drunk? And where had he gone to, why wasn’t he home?</p><p>Then the thought of Magnus and that stupid seelie was on Alec’s mind. The pressure tightened in his chest, but something filled Alec’s body and it wasn’t just jealousy. It was anger as well even though Alec had no right to be angry. He didn’t own Magnus, if anything Alec had been the one to push Magnus away. </p><p>But here he was, feeling angry and jealous at three in the morning, not exactly knowing what to do now. And all he could do anyways was just brush his teeth and go back to sleep, haunted by the idea of Magnus and the seelie. That stupid seelie.</p><p> </p><p>Alec was just wandering back and forth. It was almost noon and he couldn’t really focus on anything but where Magnus was at. Sure, the warlock was often out, but never in the middle of the night. And now, suddenly he had been gone all night and still hadn’t come home to Alec. </p><p>And what the hell was he doing? Alec couldn’t get the question out of his head, he had tried to focus on some book he had found in Magnus’ book shelf, but without any luck. Now the book was on the couch, opened, and Alec was just walking around unsettled. </p><p>So it was almost noon when he came back, walking through the door with messy hair and a tired look in his eyes. And the minute Alec saw his clearly exhausted face, he felt the anger start to build again, bubbles surfacing and bursting. </p><p>He crossed his arms, trying not to let it show too much. “And where have you been all night?” he asked like some jealous wife catching her husband red-handed. Reality was that Magnus wasn’t Alec’s to catch doing anything. </p><p>“Oh, hey sweetie, is everything alright?” Magnus asked as he realized that Alec was in the living room, too. And Alec couldn’t help but notice how hoarse his voice was.</p><p>“I don’t know. You’ve been gone all night, so where have you been?” Alec insisted, definitely being too harsh on the warlock. But he couldn’t help it, this feeling had been in his body all morning. </p><p>Magnus seemed a little confused. “I was just out.” he said with an uncertain voice, probably noticing that Alec was acting weird. </p><p>“Just out.” Alec repeated. “What is that supposed to mean?”</p><p>“It doesn’t mean anything,” Magnus put his jacket on a hanger, revealing that he was wearing a silk shirt unbuttoned at the top, showing threateningly much of his golden-brown chest. Alec wanted to rip it off. “And why are you acting like this, are you mad at me or something?”</p><p>“I’m not acting like anything, I’m just asking you a simple question,” Alec tried to explain but even to his own ears it sounded lame. He was just too annoyed to care right now. How could Magnus just go to that stupid seelie’s place and not think about how it might make Alec feel.</p><p>“Well, if you must know I was with a friend,” Magnus was starting to sound a little bit annoyed too, walking further into the living room. And something about him was just so perfect, even though his hair was messy and his makeup undone. </p><p>“Oh, really?” Alec asked ironically. “A ‘friend’? Tell me, was it that seelie?”</p><p>And now more confusion was flashing through Magnus’ eyes. “I told you already, me and him were never supposed to happen, okay?”</p><p>“Sure that’s easy to say, but it doesn’t answer the question,” Alec was walking closer to Magnus, feeling his blood pump quickly in his body. “Just tell me if you were with him, Magnus.”</p><p>“I wasn’t with him.” Magnus said with his deep voice and his dark hair falling into his eyes. </p><p>“Are you lying now? Because I saw the bottle in the kitchen, I know you’ve been drinking. And then you disappear all night, and you never just disappear like that. You always tell me when you leave.”</p><p>“Alexander, stop-”</p><p>“No, listen to me, okay.” Alec was walking closer, and he wanted to hit Magnus for some reason. “I’ve been worried about you, and you’ve just been out with some ‘friend’ all along. And I don’t know if I trust you when you say you haven’t been seeing that seelie, because you come home sounding all hoarse and your hair looks perfectly messy like someone has been-”</p><p>“Shut up, Alexander.” Magnus said with a firm tone, grabbing Alec’s arms and pinning him against the wall right beside them. Maybe Alec had been about to hit Magnus, he could hardly even tell because blood was pumping violently to his cheeks, making everything blurry. “Shut up, please, and let me explain.”</p><p>Alec was too caught off guard to say anything. Or to focus on anything but the feeling of Magnus’ body pressing his own against the wall. And what was it behind his eyes? Something Alec couldn’t really make out, but made his breath catch anyways. </p><p>“I wasn’t with him, okay? I don’t even want to see him anymore. Or anyone else. I was with my friend Catarina, because I needed to talk to someone.”</p><p>“You could have just come and talked to me,” Alec said and the anger had turned into something more blameful. </p><p>“No, I couldn’t because you were clearly not feeling well,” Magnus’ hands on Alec’s arms were making him lightheaded, unable to really focus on what Magnus was saying. “And you were the one who pushed me away, remember?”</p><p>“I didn’t push you away, I just-”</p><p>“Now you listen.” Magnus interrupted with a harsh tone. “I made it pretty clear to you that I want you, alright? I want you, Alexander. But you just keep on pushing me away everytime I try to show it to you. And then you start acting like this, like you’re jealous, and I just… Look, it’s fine if you don’t want me back, but stop playing with me like this.”</p><p>Alec just stared at the warlock before him with big, blue eyes. He tried to process the words, but it was almost impossible. What was he talking about? Like hell he had made it clear that he wanted Alec, because then Alec would have known and wouldn’t have walked around for hours worrying where Magnus might be. </p><p>“You never told me that,” Alec said with anger in his voice, unable to control his own emotions. </p><p>“God, Alexander, how can you not notice?” Magnus sounded annoyed and it, of course, only made Alec even angrier. </p><p>“You know what, you’re the one who isn’t noticing anything. You tell me not to be jealous, but how can I not when you are this sweet and beautiful and absolutely amazing? I can’t be the only one who thinks that. And then you come home looking all sexy and gorgeous and you expect me to just-”</p><p>None of them ever got to know what Alec was expected to, because Alec was cut short by Magnus’ mouth suddenly on Alec’s. The feeling came unexpected, heat spreading in Alec’s body as the rough sensation turned softer and more passionate. </p><p>Magnus’ mouth moved skilfully, his lips catching Alec’s in that certain way that made Alec’s eyes fall shut with pleasure. Magnus took control, moving in closer so their bodies were completely pressed against each other, Alec trapped between the warmth of Magnus and the wall. </p><p>And his blood had already been pumping violently, so just the feeling of Magnus’ lips was enough to have Alec’s cheek turn red and his dick starting to harden. He was sure Magnus noticed because they were standing so close, but admittingly with way too much clothes in the way. </p><p>Alec needed more, he couldn’t help it. He leaned his head a bit backwards, licking along Magnus’ lower lip as if asking him to deepen the kiss. The warlock obeyed but with a smirk on his lips, but Alec hardly cared because he was already worked up and horny from just the kiss. </p><p>Magnus’ tongue worked in an experienced way that went straight to Alec’s dick, and now it was starting to ache, demanding to be touched. But Alec couldn’t, because his hands were trapped against the wall and Magnus was kissing him deeply. He felt like he was melting underneath the touch. </p><p>As their tongues moved along each other, exploring each other’s mouth, it was starting to be too much. He needed some friction, to be touched and cared for. He tried to rub his crotch against Magnus but it only caused a slight friction, but enough for a soft moan to be trapped between their mouths. </p><p>Magnus pulled back from the kiss, lips swollen and red from the kissing and he looked so fucking sexy. His irises were split in the middle by the pupils and Alec hadn’t even noticed before now. But the sight had him panting, only turning him on even more. </p><p>Then Alec’s two hands were trapped underneath one of Magnus’ just above the shadowhunter’s head. Soft lips were on his neck, kissing just behind Alec’s ear on that certain spot that made him tremble. </p><p>He felt Magnus’ strong hand on his chest, touching through the thin material of his T-shirt. He felt fingers play with his nipples as the hand made its way downwards until it reached the edge of the shirt.</p><p>Magnus’ fingers were cold against Alec’s burning skin, the sensation had his breath catch. </p><p>“Did I ever tell you how fucking good you look when you’re horny?” Magnus whispered, his mouth threateningly close to Alec’s ear, catching the earlobe between his teeth. Then the cold fingers were unbuttoning Alec’s jeans, opening the zipper and lightly brushing the cock through the fabric of his underwear as he pulled down the jeans. Alec wanted more, wanted his hands all over his body. </p><p>He wanted Magnus to claim him. More than anything.</p><p>As his jeans hit the floor, Magnus was sucking and nibbling at Alec’s neck. Alec was happy that Magnus’ hand was steadying him, because he was almost unable to keep standing. Waves of pleasure were going through his body. </p><p>Then the strong hand grabbed Alec’s cock through the fabric and it made a loud moan escape the shadowhunter’s mouth. His dick was throbbing, already leaking precum that was starting to make a small stain show on his underwear. </p><p>Magnus’ thumb brushed the wet spot and the dickhead on the way, too, and Alec heard himself beg for more, exhaling “please,” as the sensation was gone too soon. </p><p>“I’ve wanted to do this ever since I walked in on you all horny,” Magnus whispered as his hand slipped underneath the fabric and his fingers wrapped around Alec’s hot and throbbing cock. And god, Alec could hardly hold back the sounds of pleasure that filled the room as the warlock started moving his hand with a steady pace. He felt his toes curl, letting himself get carried away in the feeling, hardly able to keep standing. </p><p>Why was it that this warlock managed to get him this horny this easily? Magnus’ steady pace, thumb brushing the dickhead and smearing out the wetness, it felt almost too good. “Faster,” Alec breathed, something already starting to build in his stomach. And he could hardly even control his body, moans sounding desperate as Alec tried to move his hips, trying to pick up the pace.</p><p>Then Magnus’ lips were on Alec’s once again and a small whimper was trapped between them at the sudden sensation. Alec felt like it was almost too much, it felt too good and he could hardly focus on anything but how much he wanted Magnus. </p><p>Too suddenly, the hand was gone and Alec was released from the wall only to be picked up by big hands on his thighs. His jeans fell to the ground and Alec couldn’t even focus on what was happening, because everything in his body needed to be touched.</p><p>He felt so light as Magnus kissed him deeply, carrying him towards the bedroom. His hands were in the dark, soft hair, forcing their mouths even closer. </p><p>Without any warning, he was thrown onto Magnus’ bed. And Magnus was already taking off Alec’s T-shirt and underwear, leaving him completely naked on the bed. A small sound escaped Alec’s mouth as the underwear came off and his cock bounced against his stomach, the sensation of the cold air feeling way too empty. </p><p>But Alec saw it in Magnus’ eyes. They were golden once again, but glowing with lust and there was no doubt that Magnus wanted this just as much as Alec. His hard cock was showing in the tight, black jeans as well and the way his lips looked swollen had the shadowhunter impatient for more.  </p><p>“Turn around,” Magnus ordered, voice steady and hoarse. Alec obeyed right away, he could hardly think about anything but how much it turned him on when Magnus took control. And maybe it was just that he felt so safe around Magnus, the warlock could do whatever he wanted with Alec because he trusted him that much.</p><p>A cold hand was on Alec’s ass the next second, caressing the soft skin on his ass cheek. The thumb was threateningly close to Alec’s hole, but not quite brushing it. Alec’s breath caught, every muscle in his body tense as he heard himself whimper, “Please, Magnus.”</p><p>And he couldn’t care less right now about anything but how much he wanted Magnus to just fuck him. And he wanted Magnus’ hands in places they weren’t right now. </p><p>The hand on his ass cheek came around his body and once again, Magnus’ strong fingers were wrapped around Alec’s cock. The shadowhunter let out a moan, trying to keep himself up on his elbows as Magnus started picking up pace. </p><p>There was a certain feeling in his stomach. He was almost enjoying this too much, panting beneath the feeling of Magnus’ big hand. </p><p>Then a cold, wet finger was trailing down his lower back, brushing Alec’s hole as it came further down. It stayed there, just the slight touch but not enough. Alec closed his eyes, the pleasure was already getting to his head, making everything blurry. </p><p>He couldn’t help but lean back to get as much of the sweet sensation as possible. He was sure he heard Magnus make some noise behind him, but was too deep in his own pleasure. The finger went inside of him, Magnus was suddenly pushing it all the way to the bottom causing a sting. </p><p>“God Alec, you are so fucking sexy,” Magnus exhaled. Alec had no idea how Magnus’ finger had gotten all wet and lubricated, but god it felt good. His stomach was tightening, warning him that he was going to be close soon if Magnus kept up the pace at his cock.</p><p>“Slow down,” Alec whimpered between the moans that left his mouth. His body had started to shake lightly underneath the touch and with the feeling of Magnus’ finger filling him up completely, he was starting to lose the last bit of control. </p><p>Magnus stilled the movement on the dripping wet cock, instead he started moving his finger a little bit inside of Alec. At first, Alec winced at the pain but in no time, he was trembling, begging Magnus for more. He felt almost at the edge with all the sensations being close to too much. </p><p>Magnus was pulling out the finger, leaving Alec empty and throbbing for just a second. Then, two fingers were circling around the hole, forcing the shadowhunter to squeeze his eyes shut and bury one hand in the soft material of a pillow beside him. </p><p>He whispered something underneath his breath, just small “please, please” sounds, hoarse and almost lost as he panted, trying to catch his breath. </p><p>Magnus finally gave him what he wanted. He pushed in slowly, circling the fingers as they went deeper. It made the shadowhunter feel so full, the pleasure burning stronger than the sting. His fingers dug deep into the pillow, forcing himself to not just let go of himself. </p><p>Magnus went in as deep as he could, giving Alec time to get used to the sting. The movement on his cock was starting again, slowly. Alec could do nothing but just take in the feeling as Magnus’ fingers inside of him started moving, going in and out slowly and spreading inside of him to open him up even more.</p><p>He tried to suppress his deep moans as he pulled the pillow closer, burying his mouth in it. But as one of Magnus’ fingers brushed something inside of Alec that made his head spin completely, a shock of pleasure going through his body, he almost couldn’t hold it back. </p><p>“Magnus, FUCK, I’m so close.” he warned in a shaking voice. But Magnus picked up the pace, hitting the small bundle of nerves inside of Alec slightly again, hand still working on Alec’s cock. </p><p>“Don’t come yet, sweetie,” He said with his hoarse voice, but Alec was really close now. His fingers were holding onto the pillow so tightly that his knuckles had started to turn white. It was all just a blur of pleasure. </p><p>“Magnus, please,” he whispered, not really sure exactly what he wanted Magnus to do. </p><p>Then the sensation was suddenly gone. The fingers inside of him and the hand around his cock, leaving Alec horny and open. He tried to get the burning feeling in his stomach under control, holding back his orgasm just for a little bit longer. </p><p>Magnus’ hands grabbed his ass, holding him steady. He felt Magnus’ cock line up with his hole, already wet, maybe just from the precum. He had no idea how he had managed to get naked this quickly, but didn’t have any time to think about it before the head started to push in and Alec couldn’t think of anything anymore. </p><p>He felt his body tremble as the warlock reached the bottom, letting out a soft, hoarse moan as well. His hands were grabbing onto Alec’s hips with force, fingers digging into the sensitive skin. </p><p>He already felt full, electrical shocks going through his body with every movement Magnus made. It turned him on even more to hear the sounds that escaped the warlock’s mouth as well, he was moaning with every deep thrust. </p><p>Alec was too deep in the feeling, pleasure making him unable to focus on anything. He hardly noticed when Magnus pushed him further down into the mattress, causing the shadowhunter to be on his stomach. </p><p>His cock was trapped between the bed and his own, sweaty body. Magnus was still thrusting into him hard and quickly, every single movement causing a friction on his dick as well. </p><p>And oh god, he almost couldn’t hold it back much longer. Magnus’ warm body on top of his, filling him up. “I’m close,” he exhaled once again, a tear was starting to make its way down onto the sheets. </p><p>Magnus leaned down while picking up the pace, putting a kiss at Alec’s neck behind his ear. “Just a little longer, baby,” he said as he pounded into the shadowhunter. But it was too much, the sensation in Alec’s stomach wasn’t going to stop. He was already on the edge. </p><p>“Magnus, I can’t,” He cried out, toes curling as he came on the bed. He felt his whole body shake, tightening around Magnus’ cock as he rode his orgasm. </p><p>The warlock was thrusting quickly, one hand going to hold onto Alec’s dark hair as he went in and out of the tightness of Alec. He brushed against the small bundle of nerves just as Alec had come down from the orgasm, but it made a piercing pleasure go through his body. He screamed out as the last bit of droplets were squeezed out of his cock trapped underneath his body. </p><p>That was enough to have Magnus sent over the edge as well, he came hard inside of the shadowhunter lying before him. His fingers pulled a bit in Alec’s hair, one hand tightening around his hip as the orgasm went through his body. </p><p>Alec tried to keep his own body under control. It was shaking lightly, his hole tightening and loosening without him being able to control it. </p><p>Magnus’ body went soft on top of Alec, he pulled out his dick and semen was running out, smearing onto Alec’s thighs. The empty feeling had Alec sigh. A buzz was still going through his body, he couldn’t move. </p><p>Soft lips were kissing his cheek. Alec smiled with his eyes closed and heard Magnus drop down beside him on the bed. The hand was still in his hair, though, caressing lightly.</p><p>They just stayed there for a bit, both panting.</p><p>“You called me baby,” Alec stated softly, his voice was still wavering a little bit. He turned slightly on the bed, so he could face Magnus. </p><p>“Yeah, I know, sorry. I got a little bit too caught up in the moment,” the warlock said with a small smile, cheeks blushing. Or maybe they had been like that all the time. Alec thought it was incredibly cute regardless.</p><p>“Yeah, me too,” Alec said. He sent a warm smile to the warlock beside him, and the hand in his hair caressed his cheek before dropping to rest between them on the bed.</p><p>“Oh hope I wasn’t crossing any boundaries, I didn’t mean to, uhm…” The warlock trailed off, searching for the right word to use, but Alec cut him off before he had the chance to find it. </p><p>“Don’t worry. I enjoyed that a lot,” His body felt so heavy and he wanted to just fall asleep with Magnus right next to him like this. </p><p>The warlock scooped closer, kissing Alec on the cheek once again. Alec smiled. “You cheated, didn’t you?” he then asked in a tired voice. </p><p>“I never cheat, sweetie,” Magnus said, and Alec turned around so he was on his back. His stomach felt sticky and his ass was a little sore. His eyes were still on Magnus’ golden ones.</p><p>“You couldn’t possibly get naked that quickly without using your magic,” he said with a twinkle in his eye. </p><p>“Alright,” Magnus admitted. “I might have cheated a little bit. That, and with the lube. Who the hell takes the time to go and get the lube, anyways?” </p><p>Alec laughed, feeling a little lightheaded. “Wow, you really suck at this mundane-thing”</p><p>“No, not at all. I just suck at having sex the mundane way.”</p><p>“Yeah, you only know how to have sex with zucchinis involved,” Alec teased and Magnus’ eyes lit up, he hit Alec on the arm lightly just to be a bit dramatic. </p><p>“Oh, shut up,” he said, and they were both on their backs, staring into the ceiling the next second. Alec was still chuckling a bit at the thought of their dinner together, but then silence caught them both. </p><p>“Can I ask you something?” Alec asked after a moment where none of them had said anything. </p><p>“As long as it isn’t about my age,” Magnus teased, but with a hint of seriousness to it, too. </p><p>“It’s not about that.” Alec hesitated shortly before speaking. “It’s just, what do you think will happen when I go back to the institute.”</p><p>“That’s a little hard to say, we still have more than a month left together,” Magnus said softly, calmly. </p><p>Alec thought about what Izzy had told him about his parents not liking him staying here. He felt the unsettled feeling spread slowly in his body once again. He didn’t regret anything, he was just… a little bit scared of having to leave this all behind. </p><p>“But what if, like, I had to go back tomorrow? What do you think would happen?”</p><p>“Do you not want to stay here anymore?” Magnus asked worried, looking at Alec with big, golden eyes. </p><p>“Nono, I want to stay.” Alec hurried to reassure. “It’s just hypothetically.”</p><p>The gorgeous warlock looked a little confused, as if not quite understanding Alec. But then he shrugged. “Well, we don’t really know each other that well yet, but… hopefully we could still find the time to see each other.” he said honestly. “But why are you worrying about that?”</p><p>“I’m not worrying, I’m just thinking.” Alec lied. Maybe he should just tell Magnus the truth, but it was just that they didn’t really know each other that well yet, like Magnus had said. Would Magnus still want him if he knew that Alec might have to go home anytime?</p><p>“Do you miss home?” Magnus asked, probably just trying to guess where Alec’s mind was at. </p><p>“I’ve never really felt so much at home at the institute,” Alec said honestly. “I mean, I miss my family, but I don’t really miss being there.”</p><p>“I understand. It’s hard to just leave everything behind like that,” </p><p>“Kind of,” Alec lied again, because it really wasn’t. He liked it here, he wanted to stay here. It reminded him once again that whenever his parents decided to, they could just come and drag him out of this new life he had had. Out of his new home. </p><p>He sighed, sitting up in the bed. “I think I need to shower,” he said. </p><p>Magnus looked worried once again, reaching out to grab Alec’s hand. “Are you alright, sweetie?”</p><p>“I’m fine. Just really sticky,” Alec said with a convincive smile, hopefully the warlock didn’t notice the unsettled gaze in Alec’s eyes. </p><p>So many thoughts were running through his mind as hot water was running down his body. Everything had felt so perfect for a second, then it was like it had all been ripped away from him. </p><p>He thought about what Izzy had told him, reminding him to just focus on getting better. That wasn’t at all what he was doing right now, right now he was just getting out deeper and deeper on open water. It would crush him to go home now, to leave things like this. </p><p>He was already in it too deep. He knew that, because here he was, feeling a lump in his throat in the shower after having just had sex with the most amazing man in the world. </p><p>Was it even worth it to care about this? He wasn’t really sure.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Maybe got a little bit carried away with the smut, oops.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Sticks and stones may break my bones</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Goodmorning, did you sleep well?” a soft voice asked and Alec rubbed his eyes, still really tired.</p><p>“I slept fine. When did you come home?” He went to sit beside Magnus at the dining table, eyes feeling sensitive, still. </p><p>“Around midnight. You were already asleep,” the warlock said. It sounded apologetic. </p><p>Alec sighed, reaching for some bread on the already set table. “You haven’t really been home lately.” he said with tiredness in his voice.</p><p>“I know. I’m really sorry about that, I’ve just had a lot to catch up with.”</p><p>Alec knew it wasn’t Magnus’ fault, but it still got to him, for some reason. “I understand,” was all he said, sitting in silence and buttering his bread. Magnus poured some coffee in Alec’s cup, adding a little bit of milk without even having to ask. </p><p>“When are you coming home tonight, then?” Alec asked, but knew already what the set table meant. </p><p>The warlock hesitated as Alec reached for the cup, taking a sip, but then finding it a little too hot, still. “Probably late, but I’ll try to make it as fast as possible, I promise.”</p><p>“No need to promise me anything. I know you’re busy, it’s fine,” Alec said with a half heartedly smile. And he honestly wasn’t even sure why it was making him feel a little bit weird, because Magnus was the High Warlock of Brooklyn, of course he was busy!</p><p>“You’re sweet.” Alec was already falling silent again, thinking about too many things as he chewed his bread carefully. Everytime Magnus left the fear of his parents coming to get him would burn even brighter. </p><p>The thought of having to leave without even getting the chance to say goodbye was hard to think about. So Alec tried not to. </p><p>“What are your plans for today, then?” Magnus asked, trying to start a conversation. </p><p>“Probably just read and maybe go for a walk. I’m not really sure.”</p><p>Alec had been having some issues with writing lately, it was like he was stuck. No matter how much he tried, he just couldn’t get anything through his hand to the paper. It was killing him. </p><p>The dark haired boy before him looked sympathetic for some reason, softness on his face. It was a little hard to look at him right now because Alec didn’t want him to leave, he needed him to be around. </p><p>“Is your writing still troubling you?” the warlock asked, reaching for Alec’s hand. And it soothed some of the unsettlement inside of the shadowhunter, made him calm down a bit. </p><p>“Don’t think about it, I know you have so much at hand already.”</p><p>But Magnus was persistent and leaned closer, squeezing the blue-eyed boy’s hand slightly, reassuring him that things would be fine. “You know you can always tell me when something is bothering you. Just don’t give up on your writing, it’ll come eventually.”</p><p>Alec sighed, turning to lock his eyes with Magnus’. “You’re right,” he then said softly, relaxing a little bit with Magnus here at his side. </p><p>It had been hard for Alec to really understand what had been going on for the past couple of days. Ever since they had slept together, Magnus had hardly even been home. </p><p>Of course, he wasn’t avoiding Alec in any way. He was just incredibly busy and didn’t really have time to make sure that Alec was alright, which was fine, really. </p><p>But it had given Alec time to think. A lot of time, actually.</p><p>“I have to go now,” Magnus said after a bit of silence, letting go of Alec’s hand and getting up. Alec took another sip of coffee, trying not to let it show how much he didn’t want Magnus to go. Like he hadn’t wanted Magnus to go yesterday either and the day before that. </p><p>“Have fun,” Alec said as he held the cup, warming his hands on the burning feeling. Then Magnus was leaning down, placing a gentle kiss on the shadowhunter’s cheek along the cheekbone. </p><p>“Thank you, sweetie. I’ll hopefully make it home before you go to bed.” he said as he disappeared out of the kitchen door. </p><p>And of course he didn’t. Alec wasn’t even disappointed because he knew Magnus did all he could just to make Alec happy. Honestly, the shadowhunter shouldn’t expect this much from him. He just kind of missed the warlock whenever he wasn’t around. </p><p>It was just stupid because they weren’t even together. They hadn’t even talked about what had happened at all. Surely, Alec should be the one to bring it up because Magnus had told him straight out that he wanted Alec. And dammit, why had he said that?</p><p>It only made Alec’s head spin to think about, which was exactly why he had been avoiding it for so many days now. But he saw the retaining gaze in Magnus’ eyes whenever he looked at him and knew he owed the warlock to figure this all out. He just wished that Magnus would continue holding his hand and kissing his cheek gently to all eternity without Alec having to think about any of this at all. </p><p> </p><p>He was sitting on the couch the next evening with his legs folded underneath his body. In his hand was the green notebook opened on a blank page with the lines staring threateningly at the shadowhunter. He had always loved the sight of lined paper for some reason, but not right now. </p><p>He couldn’t even write down something to cross out, the words literally wouldn’t make their way down on the paper. </p><p>He went through the book and got to the lines he had written with the inspiration from ‘Staying in control’. His handwriting looked so neat, like nothing he could possibly write right now. </p><p>Maybe this was the problem. Maybe Alec’s unsettled mind was taking away his ability to just relax and write down something. He sighed, going back to the blank page. </p><p>Holding onto the pen tightly, he forced himself to write down his name, like he had always done when he was younger. Just to get something written, literally anything right now would do. That was easy enough but the handwriting was messy and sloppy.</p><p>Then the door opened and Magnus came barging through, home way earlier than what he had told Alec this morning. </p><p>“Magnus?” Alec asked as if it wasn’t obvious that, yes, it was Magnus coming home. </p><p>“I changed my plans. I was so tired of being around people I didn’t want to talk to and fixing other people’s problems,” he said as he saw the shadowhunter on the couch, coming towards him.</p><p>“Can you just do that?</p><p>“No. But I did,” He bent down to place a soft kiss on Alec’s forehead, only then realizing that Alec was in the middle of writing. “And your writer’s block is gone, I see. Very impressive”</p><p>Alec caught a glimpse of his name written in sloppy handwriting then closed the book, feeling a blush creep to his cheeks. </p><p>“Not even close to gone. That’s all I’ve written all day,” he said with a warm sensation in his body that had suddenly appeared. </p><p>“I didn’t even know you had a middle name. I like it,” the warlock commented.</p><p>“Oh shut up,” Alec said with a smile. And this was maybe the first time for some days that he had smiled like that, like he meant it. “Now tell me what you are doing home early.”</p><p>“Honestly,” the warlock started, dumping down on the couch next to where Alec was sitting. His hands folded in his laps where his legs were crossed. “Life is too short to waste on doing something you don’t like.”</p><p>“You’re immortal,” the shadowhunter had to remind the boy beside him, because apparently he seemed to have forgotten. </p><p>“Alright, I just missed you. Don’t blame me,” Magnus admitted with a twinkle in his eye as their eyes locked. Alec was now blushing again. “And I’ve been thinking about it. We always just hang out around here, you know?”</p><p>“We live here,” Alec interrupted. </p><p>“I know that, it’s just… I want to take you somewhere,”</p><p>“Somewhere like what?” Alec asked, not really following. </p><p>Magnus hesitated shortly, then said, “Somewhere a bit more quiet where we have the time for each other. Only if you want to, I mean.”</p><p>It took Alec a little by surprise but only in the good way. Had Magnus really been thinking about this while he had been so busy with being a powerful warlock and all of that stuff? And was that seriously why he had come home earlier?</p><p>“Really?” Alec asked just to be sure he wasn’t mishearing this. </p><p>“Yes. But just tell me if I’m being too much and not understanding a hint,” Magnus said half jokingly.</p><p>Alec laughed a bit at that. “I’d actually really like that. When?”</p><p>“How about right now?”</p><p>“Right now?” Alec repeated, feeling a little lightheaded and needing everything to be really clear. “But it’s nine o’clock already.”</p><p>“Well, not in Italy,” Magnus said, smiling like he had a plan in mind that would get them both in trouble. Alec for some reason loved that smile. </p><p>“I thought you weren’t going to use your magic around me,” he teased. “And it’s three in the morning in Italy,”</p><p>“I see you know your math. But the stars are just too gorgeous at this time in Italy to not show you.” Magnus explained and Alec got the feeling that he meant it. “And I suck at pretending to be a mundane. You were right, I give up.”</p><p>“You’re crazy,” was all that Alec said, but with a wide smile on his face because there was nothing he wanted more right now than to be looking at the stars in Italy with Magnus. To hell with Magnus using his magic around Alec, he had been cheating all along, anyways. </p><p>“I take that as a yes,” Magnus said as he stood up, reaching out a hand for Alec to grab. “Now come on. We don’t want to miss it.”</p><p>“Miss what?” </p><p>“You’ll see,” he said with that certain smile once again. Alec grabbed his hand. </p><p> </p><p>Alec hadn’t really tried portaling before, because portals were something that only talented and respected warlocks had the ability to create. Those weren’t exactly the kind of people that the shadowhunter usually hung out with - well, besides Magnus, of course. </p><p>Jace had tried it at a party once, had probably hooked up with a cute warlock and gotten her to portal him somewhere. Apparently alcohol and portals weren’t a good mix, Jace had thrown up the second he stepped out. Alec remembered him saying that it felt like smoking weed while being incredibly drunk. Not that Alec would know anything about that. </p><p>And sure, his head felt a little dizzy in the moment, but the minute he stepped out everything was fine. “Trust me, you’ll get used to it,” Magnus said with a laugh as he saw Alec’s face. </p><p>“I don’t think it was that bad,”</p><p>“Oh really?” the warlock asked, amused. “You must be a talent, then, Gideon”</p><p>Alec laughed, rolling his eyes as a slight blush made its way to his cheeks. He didn’t say anything, just looked around, trying to figure out where exactly they were. He had never been to Italy before, but something about the place had a dreamy feeling.</p><p>“I thought we were going to Rome?” he then said confusedly, realizing that they were standing by the sea, candles burning along the beach and other people audible in the distance even though it was this late. </p><p>“I never said anything about Rome,” Magnus stated. </p><p>“No, I know, I just assumed.” Alec said, then smiled to himself. “I guess I shouldn’t really assume anything around you.”</p><p>“You really shouldn’t.” He then snapped his fingers and blue sparks flew through the air as a blanket appeared with small candles. Alec shook his head, smiling, losing himself in the quietness of the beach.</p><p>It was just the sound of the waves crashing onto the beach and happy voices speaking.</p><p>“Okay, I’ll admit it. I love this,” Alec said as they both laid back on the blanket, looking up at the stars in the sky. “It’s weird to think about the fact that those are the same stars as in New York”</p><p>“I know. They shine even brighter here, it’s because there is no city light here at the beach.”</p><p>“Can we move here?” Alec said jokingly and they both just laughed. It felt so relaxing, being underneath something so big and open and endless. It overpowered them both and maybe that was just what they needed. </p><p>“I’ve lived here, once,” Magnus said as if it was nothing. </p><p>“You have?” Alec was surprised. </p><p>“I’ve lived in many cities, but something about New York keeps dragging me back.”</p><p>It was a warm night and the wind felt almost pleasant as it blew above them, only lightly touching and caressing the two boys on their backs. “I get the feeling that you get bored easily,” the shadowhunter said.</p><p>“I do, yes.”</p><p>“You’re a busy man.” Those words made Magnus turn his face to look at Alec, catching his eyes with soft, golden ones in the light of the candles. </p><p>“I’m sorry about not having been home lately,” he said honestly in a certain voice, almost as if he had been waiting to say the words.</p><p>“It’s not your responsibility to keep me occupied.” Alec reminded the warlock like he had reminded him many times for the past days.</p><p>“No, but I should have been around more, it’s just…” Magnus’ gaze flickered. “I’m so used to living alone, so used to only think about what I want. I’m still getting used to you being there, sometimes I even forget.”</p><p>Alec frowned, a little confused. “Do you not really want me there, or-” </p><p>“Of course I do, Alexander.” Magnus interrupted, softness on his face and he reached out a hand but then seemed to change his mind. The hand dropped between them only inches from Alec’s. He swallowed with determination in his gaze, suddenly. “Actually, I’m already starting to fear the moment you have to leave again. I haven’t really felt this happy around anyone for a long time.”</p><p>Alec just looked at him, heart beating fast beneath his ribcage. He hadn’t really felt this happy around anyone for a long time, either, and he wanted to tell Magnus, but the words were stuck. He just stared in silence.</p><p>“But sometimes it also… confuses me. Because it’s so hard to tell if you actually like being around me or if you are just doing it because you literally have to. I mean, I guess it is just a part of living together, but it makes it so hard for me to understand you.” Magnus explained further.</p><p>“Sometimes, I try to understand myself too. It’s even harder when you aren’t there.” It wasn’t meant in any hurtful way, but the words sounded slightly blameful without it being Alec’s intention. Magnus’ eyes dropped a little.</p><p>“I know. And I know things have been different lately-”</p><p>“Very different.” Alec interrupted.</p><p>“I wish I had taken the time to talk with you about it instead of just distancing myself from you.” the warlock admitted sending a sad smile in Alec’s direction.</p><p> The words, “We can talk about it now.” left Alec’s mouth even though he wasn’t really sure what he wanted to tell Magnus, what he had to say himself.</p><p>“Let me just say this first.” Magnus started. “I know it is no excuse, but I didn’t want to push you into anything. I wanted to give you some space, because I know how I get around you. Whenever you are there I have to touch you, to kiss you. It’s almost as if I can’t help it. And I thought that maybe you needed to just think and figure out everything without all of that. And instead, I ended up just pushing you away and I regret that”</p><p>“You could have just told me that,” Alec said, not in a blameful way but because it was true. </p><p>“I just feel like I’m putting myself so much out there, and I can’t seem to figure you out. And it’s really hard because I like you a lot, and sometimes it feels like you like me too, but then…”</p><p>“Then I start acting all weird and disappear.” Alec finished the sentence, knowing exactly what Magnus meant and it hurt him to say it out loud. He was just so stupid, he cared too much about his own feelings to care about Magnus’. “I know that, and I’m sorry.”</p><p>“But why?” The warlock didn’t look blameful, something else was taking over the blame.</p><p>“Because I get scared.” Alec had to look away from the golden eyes, hating the way their glance made him feel vulnerable. He couldn’t stand that feeling, because along with it came the weakness. </p><p>The stars seemed even brighter now, staring down at the small, vulnerable shadowhunter as he realized exactly why he had been running away from this conversation. Even though he expected him to, Magnus didn’t say anything. He probably couldn’t find the right words. </p><p>“I know it is stupid, you don’t have to tell me that,” Alec said, sighing. </p><p>“I wasn’t going to.”</p><p>Then Magnus’ soft hand was grabbing Alec’s, intertwining their fingers as they were both on their backs, looking at the gorgeous stars. And it didn’t make Alec’s heart run wild, it calmed him down and had the feeling of safety fill him up. He squeezed the hand, hardly able to focus on anything but that feeling. </p><p>“I was actually just going to say that I understand you. It scares me too, sometimes.”</p><p>Then silence fell like a heavy blanket on top of them and the words ran violently through Alec’s mind while he tried to catch the sight of a shooting star. It was impossible to see the stars at the institute, and now that he had them all on display he looked closely not to miss anything. He wondered if Magnus was searching for the same. Then he wondered why Magnus was scared, he had nothing to fear. Someone as powerful as him shouldn’t feel that way, but Alec didn’t put it into words. </p><p>Some time had passed before any of them spoke again, daring to break the moment of absolute safety that had swallowed the two dark haired boys. But Alec had to, because he knew it was about time he was honest with the warlock by his side.</p><p>“There is something I have to tell you.” he said. </p><p>Magnus squeezed Alec’s hand, a small “Okay” leaving his mouth and encouraging the shadowhunter to keep going. Almost as if he had been expecting it.</p><p>“Izzy told me something when we went for that walk together.”</p><p>“I figured she’d told you something, you didn’t really seem okay,” Magnus admitted as Alec paused in his explanation. </p><p>“I wasn’t really. But I didn’t want to bother you with it.” </p><p>“You’re not ever bothering me by telling me how you feel.” Magnus’ voice was soft and honest.</p><p>Alec sighed, taking in the sounds all around him and the feeling of the wind on his body. “I just didn’t want you to think that I was weak.” he said and realized as he said it just how true it was. Because Magnus was powerful beyond anyone Alec really knew, he wouldn’t understand. </p><p>The warlock didn’t say anything, just waited for Alec to continue, the hand feeling burningly hot in his own. </p><p>“My mom and dad, they’re quite traditional. They are not really liking the idea of me being here, they want to bring me back to the institute again.”</p><p>“They can’t just do that,”</p><p>“They can do whatever they want,” Alec said, knowing that they were the ones in charge of the institute and had the power to decide what happened to everyone. </p><p>“But..” Magnus started, mouth open as he searched for words. “It’ll just stress you out, don’t they know that?”</p><p>“They probably know, they just don’t care.” Alec said with a shrug, but reality was that it meant a lot to him. Why couldn’t his parents just for once understand how he felt?</p><p>“That doesn’t make you weak, Alexander,” Magnus reassured as he realized that this was serious and how much this was getting to Alec’s head. </p><p>“It does in my parents’ eyes.”</p><p>“Well, then your parents aren’t treating you fairly, because I know you. And needing a break never made you weak. You are a strong person, and now I am not talking about your fighting skills. You’re determined and ambitious, you’re kind and clever. Something I rarely see in shadowhunters, and for me that is strength, mental strength and personal strength.”</p><p>“Shadowhunters see strength in a different way. Being strong means killing demons and acting without any influence of emotions,” Alec explained, even though something in the back of his mind kept holding on to Magnus’ words, wanting them to be true. </p><p>“I’ve never understood shadowhunters. Warlocks live for centuries, but we adapt quickly when society changes. Shadowhunters insist on being old-fashioned and traditional.”</p><p>Alec thought about it for a second. “Most shadowhunters live in a closed off society in Idris that never changes. Only the shadowhunters that live in institutes around the world know about the way the downworld and mundane world is changing,” he said.</p><p>Magnus turned a bit on the blanket, clearly trying to catch Alec’s eyes. “When I told you that I wasn’t really sure what would happen when you went back, I didn’t know this,” he explained, only saying what Alec already knew. </p><p>“Maybe not, but you were being honest and that’s all I wanted,” Alec still stared up in the sky.</p><p>“I don’t know your parents, Alexander, but I know shadowhunters in general. And when I said that maybe we wouldn’t get the chance to see each other, all I meant was that this - us - is frowned upon. I had no idea what was going to happen.”</p><p>“You could have just said that,” Alec said softly.</p><p>“I thought that was what you were worried about when you asked the question,” </p><p>And of course, Alec should have just been honest from the start instead of trying to figure out everything himself. Now he had gotten both of them mixed into this mess.</p><p>“Do your parents even know?” the warlock asked carefully, and finally Alec turned to look at the gentle gaze in the golden eyes. The soft hair was falling slightly into his eyes as he lay like that. Something about him was so well-known, so safe. </p><p>“About me being gay” he asked. </p><p>Magnus nodded and the way he looked worried and gentle had something turn inside the shadowhunter, reminding him that he was on a blanket in Italy with the gorgeous warlock, fingers intertwining. </p><p>“No, they don’t. My mother would kill me if she could see me right now,” He said and a soft smile was on his lips, then, as if telling the warlock not to worry about it. </p><p>“Sorry about your parents being shitty,” Magnus said.</p><p>Alec shook his head lightly, holding tightly onto Magnus’ hand. “It’s fine, I’m used to it,”</p><p>“You should never get used to something like that,” Magnus insisted, but he didn’t really understand, because he wasn’t a shadowhunter. Alec didn’t have a choice, everything was already decided for him. It felt almost stupid to try to explain. </p><p>The stars were starting to fade slightly, the beach lighting up slowly, but steadily. “We could just stay here forever,” Magnus suggested half jokingly, but with a hint of something to it. </p><p>“Forever is a lot longer for you than it is for me,” Alec reminded the warlock as he stared, trying to catch the last bit of darkness and endlessness of the night sky. </p><p>“Oh don’t even remind me,” Magnus sighed.</p><p>“You’re right,” Alec said softly. “Let’s not worry about all of these things. Let’s just enjoy this right now.”</p><p>Magnus’ golden eyes lit up as Alec said that. The wind blew gently in his soft hair. His face became more and more visible in not only the burning light from the candles, but in the early morning light as well. </p><p>“I think the sun is about to rise,” Alec said, smiling at the gorgeous warlock. </p><p>“That’s what I wanted to show you,” Magnus said, the calmness in his voice had Alec relax and something like a little spark was growing in his chest. He felt a little bit lucky in a way, but something about the sensation in his body was almost impossible to understand. So he didn’t even try to. </p><p> </p><p>“I think I want to move there,” Alec said as they had stepped out of the portal with a wide smile on his face that he hadn’t been able to get rid of for some time, now. </p><p>“You’re easily impressed, aren’t you, Gideon?” Magnus teased, his wet hair sticking to his forehead and hand coming up to unmess it. </p><p>Alec hit him on the arm with a laugh. “Stop calling me that,” he said in a joking tone. </p><p>“Why? I like it, it’s cute,” Magnus was throwing the blanket on the kitchen floor somewhere, he had been carrying it with him through the portal. </p><p>“You get some crazy ideas sometimes,” Alec said, changing the subject because he was not going to allow Magnus to call him Gideon. It was a hideous name and he wasn’t even sure why he hadn’t gotten rid of it yet. </p><p>“What? You’ve never gone for a naked swim at sunrise before?” Alec just shook his head at the warlock, smiling to himself because this was ridiculous. He felt a little lightheaded, going to the sink for a glass of water to see if it helped.</p><p>“You’re unbelievable,” he said but meant it in a good way. Even with the wet hair still dripping with cold water he had a warm sensation in his body. He wasn’t really sure why. </p><p>“We should probably grab a shower,” the warlock suggested as Alec poured cold water into a glass, drinking almost all of it in one go. “Sea water messes up my hair,”</p><p>Alec laughed, filling up the glass once again. “Your hair always looks outstanding.” he said, then turned around.</p><p>Magnus was smiling at him, locks of wet hair still falling down in his face. It was starting to curl a little bit because of the salt, Alec thought it looked absolutely perfect. </p><p>He didn’t say anything, instead he just sipped his water, enjoying the freshness and the moment he was in. </p><p>Magnus walked closer. “Can I have some?” he asked, putting out a hand in a questioningly way. Alec nodded, handing over the water as Magnus went to stand right in front of him, their fingers touching in the process. </p><p>It was late but the tiredness was somehow nowhere to be found. It was like the cold water and the little spark inside of Alec’s chest was keeping him completely awake. </p><p>“Are you tired?” Alec asked as Magnus put down the now empty glass in the sink.</p><p>The warlock seemed to think. “Actually no, not at all,” he said, frowning a little. Alec put his hands on the counter and made a little jump, carrying his own body onto the counter by the sink. </p><p>Magnus smiled at him, his eyes flickering a little bit as he asked, “What about you?”</p><p>“I feel like it’s morning because we just watched the sunrise. I don’t think I can sleep now,” the shadowhunter explained with his feet dangling from where he sat. “What time is it, even?”</p><p>“Around midnight.” Magnus seemed a bit hesitant, something about him looked even nervous. He bit the inside of his mouth in that certain way, but probably didn’t think that Alec noticed from where he sat. </p><p>“What are we going to do now, then?” Alec wanted to know, feeling a little restless because of the many sensations in his body. He wasn’t ready to say good night, he wanted to be around the warlock just a little bit longer. He sent Magnus a questioningly look. </p><p>The golden eyes were soft, they looked at Alec with a somewhat affectionate gaze. “It’s midnight, sweetie,” he reminded Alec. </p><p>“I know, but we are not tired. We can do whatever we want to,” </p><p>Magnus smiled, shaking his head at Alec. “You’re going to keep me up all night, aren’t you?” he asked, the curls falling into his eyes. </p><p>“Well, I just know that I can’t sleep right now,” Alec said and he only hesitated shortly before reaching out a hand, pushing the wet lock of hair out of Magnus’ eyes. His hand caressed the warlock’s cheek softly before returning by his side, resting on the counter. The sensation prickled on his fingertips. </p><p>Magnus tensed a bit, his breathing catching for a second. Alec noticed, it made him suddenly aware of that certain gaze Magnus was sending him. </p><p>“I didn’t say it was a problem,” the warlock said with a shy smile, taking a step closer, resting a hand on Alec’s thigh just above the knee and the touch felt so light. </p><p>Maybe it was just because Alec was still filled with so many impressions and everything today had taken him by surprise, but the slight touch had his head starting to blur. He swallowed, trying to focus on the certain look in Magnus’ eyes. </p><p>“What are you implying?” he asked calmly. </p><p>Magnus shrugged, a little blush coming to his cheeks. He smelled like salt but in the good way. With him standing this close, Alec could almost feel the steam coming from his wet and damp skin. </p><p>Alec didn’t think for a moment, he reached out both hands to wrap around Magnus’ neck, legs spreading a bit further. As if it came naturally, the warlock stepped closer, placing himself right in front of Alec where he fitted perfectly inside the gap between the shorter boy’s legs. </p><p>There was a look in the golden eyes, but it wasn’t surprise. It was excitement. Alec felt it like a burning ache inside his chest, like a longing for something that seemed impossible to get. Already before it happened, he knew he had to do it. He couldn’t help himself.</p><p>Then he leaned in closer, catching Magnus’ mouth with his own. It was just a brush of lips but enough to have small bubbles starting to form somewhere inside the shadowhunter. The hand resting on his thigh came up to steady Alec by the hip along with the other hand and it felt familiar in a way. </p><p>Alec’s eyes fell shut as he let himself disappear completely in the feeling. The slight touch increased as the warlock put more force into the kiss, leaning in even closer. Hands tightened around Alec’s hips. </p><p>Their body’s were pressed against each other closely. As their mouths worked on each other, Alec’s fingers dug into the wet and steamy, dark hair. Everything was blurry as blood was pumping quickly in his body, his cheeks blushing a little at the feeling of Magnus’ mouth. </p><p>The warlock let a tongue run along Alec’s lower lip, wanting the kiss to deepen. With his heart racing in his chest, Alec allowed it, enjoying the feeling of their tongues meeting instantly. The taller boy’s lips tasted like salt, he noticed.</p><p>Pulling lightly at Magnus’ hair, he let the warlock take control of the kiss. The way he moved his tongue was skillful, every flicker had a bubble burst inside of Alec and he was being filled with something. Maybe arousal. </p><p>Then Magnus parted slowly, resting his forehead against Alec’s to catch his breath. Alec’s lips were pounding, feeling swollen from the kiss and he exhaled with a smile. </p><p>Magnus was breathing quickly, then he chuckled, probably not even on purpose. “You know that’s the first time you’ve ever kissed me,” he said.</p><p>“I know,” Alec whispered, eyes still closed. </p><p>“I’ve wanted you to do that all evening,” the warlock admitted quietly and everything inside of Alec was beating fast, realizing that he had wanted this all evening, too. Like it was dawning on him. </p><p>He pulled the warlock closer, their lips meeting in another kiss. This one wasn’t careful and uncertain, it was passionate and determined. Alec slid his tongue in without hesitation, wanting to feel as much as possible of the sweet kiss. </p><p>The strong hands on his hips pressed the two boys closer. Alec could feel the warmth of Magnus’ body through the thin material of their shirts. And he was suddenly aware of how much he wanted them gone. </p><p>So he let go of Magnus’ neck, pulling the warlock’s shirt off, only breaking the kiss shortly before their mouths were reattached. His hands explored the golden brown skin. It had gotten slightly sticky from the salt water, but it only reminded Alec of the sight of Magnus in the sea naked. </p><p>He almost couldn’t get enough, he tried to pull him closer, to kiss him even deeper, but there already wasn’t any space between the two boys.</p><p>Then strong hands were tucking at the hem of Alec’s shirt as well, pulling it upwards slowly, revealing the soft, fair skin on Alec’s stomach. He sighed between small kisses as the cold air hit his skin, letting Magnus part from his lips to take off the T-shirt. </p><p>The warlock threw it somewhere, hands trailing down the pale skin, brushing one nipple in the process before they were holding onto his hips once again. A soft kiss was placed at his neck and Alec allowed Magnus more space, throwing back his head. </p><p>He couldn’t hold back a soft moan as Magnus nibbled and licked along his neck, lips brushing the soft spot behind his ear. The strong hands went further down, fingers digging into Alec’s upper thighs just below his ass. He wanted the rest of the clothes gone, too, but could hardly move, he was enjoying the soft kisses too much. </p><p>He breathed quickly, unable to stop small sounds from escaping his mouth. Magnus must have noticed too how hard Alec’s dick was already, pressed desperately against the material of his jeans, trapped. The warlock didn’t give it any attention, he kept on nibbling at the shadowhunter’s neck, holding him steady by his thighs. </p><p>“Let’s go to the bedroom,” he said in a hoarse tone, mouth kissing behind Alec’s ear. Alec swallowed, nodding as he was carried off the counter onto the floor. </p><p>Then their mouths were on each other again, Magnus pushing Alec backwards towards his own bedroom with one strong hand on Alec’s ass, one hand around his waist to support him. </p><p>Magnus’ tongue explored Alec’s mouth, the movements had Alec’s hands curl deeper in Magnus’ hair. The door was open and Alec was pushed right in, almost thrown onto the bed with eagerness, Magnus dumping down on top of him only seconds later. </p><p>“Chairman’s here,” Alec said between kisses as he almost hit the black cat lying peacefully on the bed in the process. Magnus smiled underneath the kiss.</p><p>“He’ll leave,” the warlock murmured, words almost trapped between their mouths. And Alec couldn’t think about it any longer, because Magnus’ body on top of his was causing his stomach to tighten. He could feel the outline of the warlock’s cock press against his own, only their jeans in the way. </p><p>Alec’s hands were on Magnus’ zipper within seconds, a muffled sound escaping the warlock as Alec forced the trousers open and started taking them off. They didn’t slide easily on his slightly damp skin, Magnus was quick to help him.</p><p>Alec grabbed the chance to open his own trousers, fumbling with the zipper to get them off as well. The pressure on his cock was getting too much, he needed some relief. </p><p>He could feel Magnus smirk beneath the kiss, tongue catching Alec’s suddenly in a way that had a wave of something go through him.</p><p>“You’re not very patient, are you?” Magnus teased, voice slow and rough. Then his body’s weight and heat was gone from Alec, he sat up on his knees to pull down Alec’s trousers and underwear in one go, letting Alec’s leaking cock hit the cold air. </p><p>Alec sighed at the sensation, his fingers tingling with the need to be wrapped around his throbbing cock. He had to grab the sheets, digging them deep into the soft material to not give in to the need. </p><p>Magnus’ lips were brushing against the prominent part of Alec’s hipbone, trailing along it and leaving only his hot breath. It had a shiver go through the shorter boy’s body, he closed his eyes, letting Magnus do whatever he wanted to.</p><p>“Spread your legs,” Magnus ordered, the words vibrating against the delicate skin on Alec’s groin. Without hesitation he did as told, spreading his legs to give more space to the warlock. </p><p>Alec threw his head further back in the maddress as a soft kiss was placed at the base of his dick. Then a tongue came out, brushing the base, then the balls and going further down. </p><p>A wave of pleasure went through the shorter boy’s body as the tongue ran along the sensitive skin on Alec’s hole, wettening it. He tried to contain a moan but almost couldn’t. </p><p>Magnus’ hands held onto Alec’s thighs, fingers digging into the skin, holding the boy before him in place. His tongue started going in circles, massaging the muscle. Alec felt himself clench, wanting more og the feeling of Magnus’ tongue. </p><p>He let a soft “more,” escape his mouth, too horny to care about much. Then one hand, gripping his thigh, moved upwards until a finger was resting on top of the pink hole. Alec sighed. </p><p>He wasn’t sure if the wetness was saliva or if Magnus had been cheating with the lube once again. The finger smeared out the wetness, circling around the hole slowly and carefully while the tongue still worked softly, but steadily.</p><p>Alec was biting down his lower lip, focussing on both the pleasure on his hole and Magnus’ hand caressing his inner thigh. </p><p>Slowly, the wet finger started sliding inside Alec. The pleasure from the tongue was gone for a second, then Magnus’ mouth was hovering over the shorter boy’s hard dick, his breath on the dickhead. </p><p>“Oh please, Magnus,” Alec said, begging for Magnus to give him more of what he wanted. The finger had reached the bottom, bending slightly inside of Alec and it had a wave of arousal fill him up. Magnus tongue licked the dickhead already dripping wet with precum.</p><p>A small whimper escaped Alec’s mouth, the finger inside of him was massaging his walls in a way that had him craving more. His cock was sensitive, just the slight touch had it twitch. </p><p>Magnus smirked. He started moving the finger in and out of Alec, slowly at first but then picking up pace as Alec rocked his hips slightly, trying to get as much of the feeling as possible. </p><p>Without slowing down, a second finger was sliding in along with the first one, the two fingers opening up the shadowhunter and hitting the bottom in one go. “Fuck,” Alec moaned, his fingers dug even further into the sheets, the pleasure overshadowing the pain. </p><p>The tongue played with his dickhead, the hand steadying him and holding onto his thigh came upwards to wrap around the base of Alec’s cock. Something tightened in his stomach at the sensation. Magnus’ fingers were working quickly in and out of his hole, bending inside of him to open him up even more. </p><p>Then Magnus’ lips, wet from saliva, wrapped around the hard cock, tongue immediately curling around the sensitive dickhead. Alec hardly even noticed that Magnus was sliding in a third finger along with the other two, the sensation on his cock had his sight blur. He let out a wrecked moan, a small “yes,” falling from his lips. </p><p>Magnus’ mouth was sucking lightly, head bobbing up and down slowly. His fingers in Alec’s hole were working quicker, spreading inside the shadowhunter to open him up. As they bended, they brushed against the soft spot inside of Alec. </p><p>“FUCK,” Alec moaned, back arching to get Magnus to hit the bundle of nerves again. Magnus knew exactly where it was, he moved his fingers slightly, hitting it once again, but this time right on. </p><p>Alec almost cried out, moaning, “Yeah, please don’t stop,” as Magnus massaged the soft spot, mouth still sucking Alec’s dick. His tongue played with the dickhead and Alec was starting to feel it in his stomach. “Please don’t stop,” he whimpered again.</p><p>But Magnus did. The warmth of his mouth and feeling of his fingers were gone without any warning. Alec’s hole clenched, needing the sensation. He looked up to see that Magnus was removing his own boxers, now.</p><p>The wet cock bounced against his stomach, stiff and angrily red from the arousal. Alec sighed at the sight, his legs spreading further apart almost without his notice. </p><p>His eyes caught with Magnus’ and he noticed that the iris was split by the pupil, the cat-eyes almost burning with eagerness. There was an intense look in his eyes as Magnus grabbed Alec’s legs, forcing them upwards to allow more space for himself to position his cock on top of the open, wet hole. </p><p>He slid his cock in slowly, his mouth falling open with a moan at the tightness of Alec’s hole. “You feel so fucking good,” he said with his hoarse voice, grabbing Alec’s thighs with force to hold him in place as he started moving his hips.</p><p>Just the slow pace was enough to have Alec’s head starting to spin, his eyes falling shut with pleasure. He almost couldn’t focus on all the small, lovely sounds Magnus was making, he was too focussed on the way Magnus’ dick was filling him up perfectly. </p><p>With one hand still on Alec’s thigh, Magnus trailed his fingers along the shadowhunter’s body while picking up pace slightly. The thumb brushed the sensitive nipple, then he caught it between two fingers, giving it some attention. </p><p>All the sensations were getting to his head, he needed more. He told himself not to just wrap his hand around his cock because he knew he was going to be at the edge right away. His breathing was quick and ruined, small sounds falling from his lips along with it. </p><p>Magnus’ mouth was suddenly on Alec’s, and as he leaned down, the stiff cock was trapped between their bodies. A moan was muffled between their mouths as Magnus deepened the kiss without hesitation, tongue moving in that certain way that went straight to Alec’s cock. </p><p>He couldn’t help move his hips upwards, trying to create more friction. It had Magnus increase the speed immediately, his hand tightening around Alec’s thigh as he pounded into the shadowhunter, biting down on Alec’s lower lip.</p><p>As he let the lower lip go, he pushed himself to his knees, hands gripping Alec’s hips and lifting him slightly off the maddress. It allowed him more access, and as Magnus held Alec in place, the tip of his cock brushed the soft spot inside of the shadowhunter, sending a wave of pleasure through Alec and he screamed out Magnus’ name. </p><p>His cock was twitching, a whimper falling from his lips with every thrust. Magnus lifted the boy in front of him a little more upwards, allowing himself to hit the spot again. Alec cried out in pleasure, small sounds of “please” falling from his mouth almost without his notice. </p><p>“Fuck,” Magnus exhaled as he thrusted into Alec, hands holding tightly on to the shadowhunter in front of him. He was trying to hold back his own moans but without much success, the way he fucked Alec was eager and desperate.</p><p>It was starting to tighten in Alec’s stomach once again with the pressure on the small bundle of nerves inside of him. He was getting close to the edge once again, and this time he couldn’t help it. </p><p>He caught his own dick in his hand, it was still a bit wet from Magnus’ mouth and the precum was dripping from the tip and down the base. He hardly had to move his hand before he knew he was close to coming.</p><p>“Magnus, I’m close,” he managed to say with a hoarse voice, panting as he moved his hand desperately. </p><p>“FUck,” Magnus whispered underneath his breath once again, every thrust going deep into Alec and hitting just the right spot. Alec was already starting to feel it in his stomach, he knew he couldn’t hold back the wave of pleasure. Magnus’ deep moans were telling him that the warlock was at the edge as well.</p><p>The shorter boy was shaking lightly as the orgasm went through his body, going to his toes and spilling out all over his own hand and down to his body. He squeezed his eyes shut, everything going black and all he could think of was the feeling in his stomach. </p><p>The pace of the thrust was quick and desperate, but then it started slowing down, Magnus’ breathing was ruined and came out in small moans. </p><p>Alec couldn’t move, his body was numb from the pleasure. Just his legs couldn’t stop shaking. Magnus put him back down, cock sliding out and letting the semen drip from Alec’s hole and onto the maddress. None of them cared. </p><p>The warlock lay down next to Alec, both of them on their backs trying to regain focus and catch their breath. Alec’s eyes were shut, but he was very aware of Magnus lying next to him and how the room smelled like a mixture of sex and sea salt.</p><p>Magnus’ hand slid into Alec’s as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Even through his tiredness, a small smile found its way to Alec’s lips. He sighed happily, squeezing the strong hand in his own. </p><p>“I’m gonna sleep here,” he said quietly, sleep so close to catching him. He couldn’t get up from the bed right now, and wouldn’t want to, either. </p><p>“I wasn’t going to let you leave, anyways,” Magnus said with his hoarse voice, something in the words sounding true. Alec chuckled. </p><p>Then he fell asleep. He wasn’t sure if it was just a feeling, or maybe a dream, but he sensed that the warlock scooped even closer, wrapping his big arms around Alec’s body and tucking him into his embrace. Maybe it was just the feeling of safety in his body as he let himself drift away.</p><p> </p><p>Alec woke up to a sunlit room, music playing somewhere in the distance sounding like the morning program on the radio. He stretched out his arm, searching for the warlock but he wasn’t there. </p><p>As he turned to look, he saw that the spot had been claimed by the small, black cat. With a small smile on his face, Alec remembered how the cat had been in the way the night before and wondered when it had gotten back in. Stupid cat.</p><p>His head felt heavy. He wondered what time it was, but couldn’t remember where his trousers with his phone in the pocket had been thrown last night.</p><p>“Where’s Magnus,” Alec asked the cat, even though he knew by now that the cat couldn’t answer any of his questions. He didn’t really understand why Magnus was so fond of Chairman.</p><p>He sighed at the lack of response, forcing himself out of bed. He was still naked and grabbed Magnus’ bathrobe behind the door. It was a little big on him but fluffy and soft against his skin, it smelled exactly like Magnus.</p><p>Magnus was in the kitchen, humming along to some song on the radio. His hair was wet and he smelled like freshly showered. </p><p>“Goodmorning,” Alec said from where he stood in the door, hugging the bathrobe close to his body. </p><p>“Oh,” Magnus said, turning around to face the shadowhunter. “I didn’t even see you coming. Goodmorning sweetie.”</p><p>He dried his hands in a towel by the counter and walked up to Alec, leaning down and catching Alec’s lips in a soft kiss. </p><p>Bubbles started to surface in Alec’s stomach and he smiled beneath the touch of lips. “Why are you up this early?” Alec asked as they parted again, looking over Magnus’ shoulder to try to catch a glimpse of what was on the table.</p><p>“Just mixing a potion for a client, you looked so peaceful so I didn’t want to wake you up,” the warlock explained, eyes shining bright with happiness. </p><p>Alec was immediately reminded that last night had been an exception. No matter how he looked at it, Magnus was still a busy warlock who had a lot of things to do. </p><p>“Are you about to leave?” Alec asked carefully. </p><p>Magnus sent Alec an apologetic smile. “Soon, but only for a couple of hours,” he said, reaching out a hand to touch the shadowhunter’s arm. </p><p>“Can’t you just stay?” Alec knew it wasn’t fair of him to ask, but he hated the idea of Magnus leaving. It made his chest tighten.</p><p>“No I can’t. But I’ll be back in no time” Magnus reassured softly, turning around to finish the potion he was making. “What are your plans for today?” he asked with his back facing Alec. Alec put his hands down the pockets of the bathrobe. </p><p>“I was hoping to just spend some time with you. But now I’m not sure - maybe get some writing done,” he said quietly, not really feeling hungry after all. He still wondered what time it was, it had to be early judging by the tiredness in his body. </p><p>“Do you still have that writer’s block?” The warlock asked, turning around with a bottle in his hand that he was shaking, mixing something. </p><p>“I’m not sure. I hope not.” </p><p>Magnus smiled at him, head tilted a little bit. “Are you ever going to show me some of your work?” he then asked, a teasing look in his eyes. It took away some of the disappointment in Alec’s body. </p><p>“Maybe at some point,” Alec said as he thought about the words written in the green book, mind falling on the piece he had written about Magnus’ naked body in the shower. He blushed slightly, mind instantly wandering off. </p><p>“I’ve always wondered what your writing is like. I’m sure it’s incredible, because I know how dedicated and determined you are when it comes to that. But I mean, your style. I’ve been wanting to read some of it.” Magnus explained, shifting the bottle to the other hand. </p><p>“I’m not sure if i have a ‘style’. All my stories have a different feeling to them, I think,” Alec said, thinking about it himself as he said it out loud. Nobody had ever asked him if they could read his stories before. But really, not many people knew about Alec liking to write. </p><p>“Well, if you ever want to share, I’ll gladly read them.” Magnus said as he opened the bottle and poured the potion into a smaller one made of glass. </p><p>“I’ll think about it,” Alec said. He wasn’t sure if Magnus would find his writing awful, he didn’t know what kind of books the warlock liked. The thought of Magnus reading some of his work made him feel nervous. </p><p>“Alright, I have to leave now. But I’ll see you in a couple of hours,” Magnus said, sliding the glass bottle down in his pocket. He leaned down to place a soft kiss on Alec’s cheek as he passed him, walking to the front door. </p><p>“See you,” Alec called out as the door closed behind the warlock. He sighed, not sure what to do next. He thought about going back to sleep but probably couldn’t now that Magnus was gone. </p><p>His body still felt sticky from both sweat and dried in semen. Maybe he should just take a shower, it would also help clear his mind. He was sure it would make him feel a lot better. Afterwards he could make himself a cup of tea and get some writing done, he thought. </p><p>He went to get some dry clothes, finding the green book in the nightstand and going to the kitchen to boil some water. He put the book on the counter and went to the bathroom, needing just a quick one with cold water, waking up his tired and drained body. </p><p>This feeling in his body was hard to decipher. He had woken up with bubbles in his stomach, happiness filling him up. And it had all been because he had finally been honest with Magnus, had <br/>told him the truth and they had gotten the chance to talk. Oh how it had made him relax in the warlock’s presence. </p><p>He wasn’t even really sad that Magnus had to leave this morning, he was just… a little bit disappointed. It was just because he was slightly selfish, he had needed to just be around Magnus.</p><p>But now, they had both made it pretty clear that this wasn’t just going away. And Alec really had nothing to worry about. </p><p>He had been deep in his own thoughts, the cold water on his body making him feel clean and fresh. Just as he had been needing. </p><p>He finished up the shower and dressed up, fixing his wet, messy hair in the mirror before leaving the bathroom. It had calmed him down in a way that had him starting to look forward to Magnus coming home instead of hating him for having had to leave. </p><p>As he stepped out of the shower, he noticed that the radio had been turned off. He frowned, it didn’t really make sense, because Magnus had just left and only Chairman and Alec were home. </p><p>He walked to the kitchen barefooted, his jeans sticking a bit to his damp skin. Something wasn’t right. </p><p>His heart dropped in his chest as he stepped into the kitchen, mouth falling open instantly with surprise. “Mom?” he asked, shocked. “How did you get in here?”</p><p>Maryse turned around, arms crossed from where she stood by the counter. “I knocked for ten minutes and no one answered the door,” she said as if it was an excuse. </p><p>“You don’t just walk into someone else’s home just because they don’t answer the door,” Alec had to lecture her, accusation in his voice. The fear he had felt a moment ago, walking into the room, was being replaced with annoyance and anger. </p><p>“Alec, you can’t hide here forever,” his mother said matter-of-factly, completely missing Alec’s point. </p><p>“I’m not hiding, mom. I’m getting better,” he stated. Maryse seemed to doubt him, walking closer in her high heels. </p><p>“Getting better from what? You just need to get back out on the battlefield and stop overthinking this.”</p><p>“I’m not overthinking anything, mom, I’ve been completely stressed out. I’ve been having blackouts and I’ve been-”</p><p>He was cut short by his mother’s piercing voice. “Stressed out? Alec, you’re a goddamn shadowhunter, not a mundane. Shadowhunters don’t stress out.”</p><p>“I don’t even care what I am. I’ve actually been happy lately, I’ve been able to concentrate and focus on the important things,” he said in a tone he hadn’t really used against his mother before. </p><p>“No, Alec, you’re leaving behind the important stuff. Your siblings are struggling to keep the city safe while you are hiding away from your duty at this warlock’s place. Your duty as a shadowhunter. I don’t want you staying here anymore.”</p><p>“I’m not well enough yet. I’m getting there, but I’m not-” he started, but was interrupted. </p><p>“You’ll never be well enough Alec, because your weaknesses aren’t healing just because you hide away here. It’s in your mind. And I don’t want you staying here, ruining the family reputation any longer. Me and your father have agreed that it’s about time that this vacation ends.” she said harshly, every word feeling like a stab to the chest. Alec was lost for words for a moment.</p><p>“I can’t just-” Alec stuttered, taken aback.</p><p>“This discussion is over. Now go and pack your stuff, we’re leaving right away.”</p><p>“I have to say goodbye,” Alec realized, fear building in his body once again as he thought about Magnus. What would the warlock think if he came home to an empty house, all Alec’s things gone?</p><p>“I don’t want you anywhere near that warlock. Is that understood?” Alec felt a lump in his throat, pressure building in his chest and he knew she meant it. This was just how she was. He hated her for being like this, for taking away all that Alec cared about.</p><p>He wanted to scream out, to tell her to stay out of his life. But he couldn’t. Because she was right, this was his duty as a shadowhunter that he was running from. </p><p>He just wished it wasn’t like that. But it was, so he nodded slowly, going to his room.</p><p> </p><p>Alec’s hands were shaking, gripping desperately onto the seraph blade in his hand. Sweat was dripping from his forehead and wettening his hair. Black, thick blood covered the angelic blade as he stepped over the dead shax demon he had just killed. </p><p>“Jace?” he called out again. He had lost sight of both his siblings as five big demons had jumped from the ceiling a second ago. The big abandoned building was threateningly dark at this hour, only a little beam of moonlight shined through a crack in the wall. “Izzy?”</p><p>Something moved from behind him, he turned around and raised the blade. Then another demon came through the air, throwing itself at the dark haired shadowhunter. He pierced it’s heart with his seraph blade. It made a deep, desperate sound as it dropped dead to the floor, black poisonous blood splattering through the air. Then it disappeared. </p><p>“Jace, where are you?” he called out again. They were chasing down some of the demons that had tried to escape, leaving Alec alone to slaughter the ones that stayed at the entrance to the building. Were they alright? He desperately hoped so. </p><p>It had been like this for two weeks now. And Alec still hadn’t gotten used to the feeling of the heavy seraph blade in his hands or the burning feeling of the warrior runes. And he sure hadn’t gotten used to the growing feeling of missing Magnus more and more for every moment that passed. </p><p>“Isabelle?” he shouted, telling himself not to lose focus. He had to concentrate, shax demons were good at taking their victim by surprise and then it would be over. This building had many great hiding spots for them. </p><p>He walked further inside in the direction where the two had run off too. It was darker in there so he took out his witchlight from his pocket, trying to guide his way through the darkness that enclosed him. </p><p>It stank like demon poison from far away, a certain smell that had his eyes water. How many demons were there? He had no idea, but he had already killed three and knew more were coming. </p><p>The hissing sound of a shax sounded to his left, and he turned around just in time to see it jumping from the darkness with its sharp teeth out. He made a loud voice and he swung the blade after it, almost missing it. It slid across the demon’s side, ripping its skin open. </p><p>Fear and adrenaline pumped through his body as it landed, cried out and then turned around towards Alec once again. “Jace?” he called out desperately once again and black blood flew through the air as the demon flung itself at Alec. This time he managed to pierce through the black skin that covered its heart. </p><p>It was hardly dead before he heard another one getting closer from behind him. He didn’t hesitate before taking a step towards it with his blade raised just as it attacked him. It died as it hit the sharp seraph blade and fell to the ground with a loud sound. Alec’s hand, still raised, was shaking violently. </p><p>He was panting, almost hyperventilating as anxiety started to spread inside of him. Something was behind him, he could feel it. It stank like demon and coldness ran through his spine as he slowly and steadily turned around. </p><p>He was expecting a shax. It wasn’t. This demon was bigger, more compact and instead of eyes, it had big, open holes. Alec couldn’t breath. He couldn’t even move his arm. </p><p>He wanted to scream out to Jace once again, but the words were stuck and his sight was starting to blur. He hardly even noticed as the demon hissed, throwing itself at Alec with its sharp claws out. </p><p> </p><p>Magnus knocked forcefully again, shouting “Hello?” as he stood outside the institute in his long black coat and an unsettled feeling in his body. </p><p>The door still didn’t open, but he wasn’t giving up. Alec must be here, he thought, there was no other explanation. He just couldn’t understand how things had happened so fast suddenly. One second everything had seemed to be alright, another second it had all been ripped apart. </p><p>He was about to knock again when the door swung open, Maryse Lightwood standing in the door. He had seen her a few times as he had worked on the wards of the institute, he recognized her compact, small figure and dark hair. She resembled Alec in some ways. </p><p>“What are you doing here, Magnus Bane?” she asked with hatred in her voice, clearly trying to keep her voice low so no one would hear. Magnus remembered what Alec had said about his mother at the beach, how she saw weakness.</p><p>“I would like to talk to Alexander,” Magnus explained formally in a calm tone, straightening out his coat. “I believe that he is here.”</p><p>“He is,” she said, narrowing her eyes. “But I don’t want him to have any contact with you. You are affecting him in a bad way.”</p><p>“How am I affecting him, may I ask?” Magnus knew there was no point in being mad at her or telling her that she was an awful parent. This was the only way if he wanted just the slightest hope of getting the chance to see Alec again. </p><p>There was a strict look on her face, her mouth just a line. “He has to do his duty, he can’t do that with you around,” she explained as if it made sense. </p><p>“It will be very quick, I promise.” He tried with a small smile, but it didn’t seem to reach Maryse in any way. She kept on looking at him with that blameful gaze. </p><p>“I said no,” she said. </p><p>Magnus sighed, biting at the inside of his mouth “Look, Maryse-” he started but was cut short. </p><p>“No, listen, Magnus. I don’t want my son to have anything to do with downworlders. Especially not ones like yourself, sleeping with both women and men, getting drunk and partying. His duty is to protect mundanes and I don’t want him getting distracted because of someone like you. Do you understand?”</p><p>Magnus’ mouth fell open as he searched for words, completely taken aback. She might as well have hit him in the face. He knew there was nothing he could say to change her mind, the determination in her eyes shined brightly and he ended up just closing his mouth again, taking in a sharp breath. </p><p>He nodded. “Good,” she said. “And don’t come back again. Leave him alone, Magnus.” Then she closed the door, the sound of a lock audible and Magnus stood there for a minute, staring at the closed door trying to get himself under control. </p><p>He should have never left Alec alone in the apartment. This was all his fault.</p><p> </p><p>Alec winced as he opened his eyes, a sharp pain shooting through his chest. He looked down to see the front of his shirt covered in blood, black mixed with burning red. It was ripped open at places, showing off Alec’s pale skin.</p><p>“He’s awake,” Jace’s voice said relieved, hurrying to stand up from the chair he had been sitting in by the bed Alec was lying in. With a pain behind his forehead, he narrowed his eyes, looking around to figure out where he was.</p><p>He recognized his own room right away, letting his head fall back against the pillow, exhaling deeply. </p><p>“Oh thank god, Alec, I thought you were going to die,” his sister said from somewhere in the room, getting closer as well. </p><p>“What happened?” Alec couldn’t remember anything, almost couldn’t remember the big, blind demon he had faced. </p><p>“Well, we split up during the shax demon attack. I heard you call out my name and came rushing just in time to see a huge ragin demon throw itself at you. I managed to kill it just before anything serious happened to you, but you were hardly conscious, mumbling a lot of nonsense,” Jace explained with a scared look on his face when reminded of the incident. </p><p>Alec wasn’t even sure when this was. It was daylight now and it had been night at the building, so it must have been some time ago. He shook his head, feeling suddenly weak and vulnerable. </p><p>“Thank you,” he said quietly. This wasn’t the first time Jace had saved Alec’s ass. “Sorry, I should have killed it myself.”</p><p>“Don’t apologize for this, Alec,” Izzy said sharply, her arms crossed from where she stood by the bed. Something in her eyes looked angry. “This is not your fault. Me and Jace tried to warn them, to say it wasn’t safe - god, it almost had you killed! Luckily the iratze took away most of the injuries.” </p><p>“Warn who?” Alec asked, confused.</p><p>“Mom and dad. They insist on having you sent out on missions,” she said angrily. “It was all just a matter of time.”</p><p>“One thing is that… but,” Jace started, then hesitated, sitting down in the chair by the bed once again. He reached out a hand to put on Alec’s shoulder. “You’re not happy, Alec. I see it in your eyes even when we aren’t on missions. You are drifting away again. And we had just gotten you back”, he said softly, his voice sounding tired in a way. He sighed, his gaze falling to his lap. </p><p>“Have you spoken to Magnus since you came back?” his sister asked carefully and just the sound of the warlock’s name had Alec reminded of the pain of missing him that he was feeling. </p><p>Had it just been that. But it was the feeling of leaving things unfinished, of not having had the chance to fight for it that got to him. It wasn’t fair. </p><p>“No,” he simply said, trying not to let his pain show. </p><p>“You need to,” Jace said. </p><p>“Well, I can’t. Mom won’t allow me to see him, she made that very clear. There’s not really much I can do,” he said in a steady way almost as if he was starting to accept it. He really wasn’t, it was bothering him more than he showed. </p><p>“Seriously, it makes me so mad. Like, what the hell are they thinking? I’m just-” Izzy’s rant was interrupted by Alec’s door swinging open and they all turned around quickly to see who it was. </p><p>“You’re awake, I see,” their mother said as she stepped inside, her high heels tapping the floor lightly. She didn’t look pleased, though, and she was carrying something in her hand.</p><p>“Mom, you must see now, this is dangerous. Things could have gone horribly wrong,” Izzy said, ready to pick the fight right then and there, but their mother shook her off by raising one hand. </p><p>“I don’t want to discuss this, Isabelle. I need to talk with Alec in privacy,” she explained, sending firstly a strict look in Izzy’s direction, then in Jace’s. It shut them both up immediately and Jace hurried to get up and leave. Izzy followed, but with a dissatisfied look in her eyes.</p><p>The door closed behind them and Maryse took the chair by the bed. That was when Alec noticed what she had been carrying with her, the green color looking familiar.</p><p>“Where did you get that?” he asked blamefully, something building in his chest. The pain was still there, but overshadowed as he realized what had happened. </p><p>“I found it on the counter in Magnus’ apartment and recognized it. I thought I told you long ago to stop wasting your time on those stupid stories,” she said harshly, holding the green notebook tightly in her hand. </p><p>“You have no right to read that,” Alec exclaimed, wanting to snap it out of her hand but already knowing the pain it would cause him to try to reach out for it.</p><p>“I’m disgusted,” she simply said, her voice dripping with repulsion. “Writing these things about another man? A filthy downworlder? You’re not the same person you were a month ago, you disgust me! What has he done to you?” she spat out.</p><p>Alec felt his hands starting to shake at the words. He was angry and vulnerable and everything he had always feared came true right in that moment. “I’m the exact same person. I was gay one month ago, too,” he screamed. </p><p>“Don’t ever say those words out loud again,” she said strictly, harshly. “And this writing is done, do you understand? I am going to burn this book and I don’t ever want to catch you doing it again.”</p><p>“You can’t just do that,” he cried out, pressure starting to build behind his eyelids and something forming in his throat. He tried to regain control not to cry, not in front of his mother, but it was hard.</p><p>“See where it got you. You can’t even kill a ragin demon, you’ve been wasting too much time and you are falling behind in your training.”</p><p>She got up from the chair, going to his closet to drag out his training clothes. Turning around, she threw them at him. “Now get up and start training. I don’t want you wasting another second.” she stated. It was almost too much for him, he felt the pressure built. </p><p>“But, mom, I’m-” he broke off, a tear ripping itself from his eye and falling down his cheek as he realized that she didn’t even care. “I can’t,” he whimpered, a sob falling from his lips and he tried to stop the tears, but it was too late. They were already wettening his cheeks.</p><p>She stood in the door, looking at him through a stiff face that he couldn’t even make out. The tears were blurring his sight and he hated that she could see him like this. Her gaze made him feel so weak, so worthless. </p><p>“Get in the clothes and dry your eyes. I’ll get Jace to meet you in the training room in half an hour,” was all she said as she disappeared out the door with his book in her hand. As soon as it fell shut, he let himself cry. He had been holding it back for two weeks now and he couldn’t anymore. </p><p> </p><p>Jace had been furious with his mother as they had met in the training room later that day. But Alec knew Jace, if there was one person in the world that intimidated him, it was Maryse. He had never been able to tell her no.</p><p>But Jace also knew that Maryse wasn’t going to allow Alec to not attend the missions. And deep down, he cared more about Alec being alive than he cared about the pain that still stung in the scars across the dark haired shadowhunter’s chest from the demon attack. </p><p>Jace had agreed to train his brother, get him back on track so he could go on the missions without putting himself in danger, and Izzy often sat on the sideline, watching, being there for moral support.</p><p>And he had to remind himself all the time how lucky he was to at least have his two amazing siblings here with him. </p><p>“Just remember to listen to your body, Alec. Tell me if it gets too much,” Jace had said a million times already through the past days, doing all he could to make sure Alec wasn’t stressing out. </p><p>Alec knew it was too much. It had been too much since the start, but what was he going to do? There was nothing left to say to his mother that would make her change her mind. </p><p>One evening, he was in the training room, sweat running from his face as he threw a punch at the boxing bag in the middle of the room. It was late and Jace had gone for a shower about an hour ago. </p><p>“I figured you’d still be here,” his brother said as he came walking into the room, wet hair sticking to his forehead. Alec had lost track of time.</p><p>“Yeah. I’ll be done soon,” he said quietly, continuing to punch the bag. </p><p>“I think you should go and take a shower,” Jace said with a slight smile on his face. He picked up the towel on the floor, throwing it in Alec’s direction and motioning for him to dry off the sweat. </p><p>“Why?” Alec asked, catching the towel. He stopped to clean his face. </p><p>“There is something I have to show you,” Jace explained. So Alec did as told, taking a quick, hot shower and getting in some fresh and clean clothes. He met up with Jace outside his room shortly after, hair falling into his eyes.</p><p>“What is it?” He asked then as Jace turned to walk, ordering him to follow along. They walked down the hallway towards the front door of the institute and all Alec could think was that Jace was acting a little weird. Maybe something was wrong.</p><p>Once they reached the door, Jace swung it open and stepped out into the cold evening wind. It wasn’t exactly dark yet, but getting there, Alec noticed. The wind felt nice on his skin and in his damp hair as it blew inside through the door.</p><p>Then he stepped outside as well and felt his heart starting to race instantly. Because there was Magnus, standing on the pavement outside the building in a long coat, hands in his pockets. </p><p>Alec didn’t even look at Jace. He just walked closer with determined steps and the warlock took out his hands and opened his arms for Alec to walk right into his embrace. Alec sighed of relief, burying his head in the big, woolen coat as Magnus’ strong arms were wrapped around his body. </p><p>“What are you doing here?” he asked, almost whimpering because he was so happy to see Magnus again. He hadn’t thought he would get the chance to, but here he was.</p><p>“Jace told me to come. Are you okay?” he asked quietly, maybe Jace had been telling him about the demon attack or about Alec not being well. He wasn’t sure, but right now he didn’t care. All he could think of was just the warmth of Magnus. </p><p>“Better now that you are here,” Alec whispered, pulling a little back so he could look up in the warlock’s eyes. The golden gaze felt so familiar, all he could think about was wanting to go with him home and lay in his bed with the dumb cat in the foot-end.</p><p>Magnus leaned down and kissed Alec softly on the lips, not even hesitating even though they hadn’t seen each other for more than two weeks. Why was it that things were so easy around the warlock? </p><p>Magnus sent a nervous look at the shadowhunter in front of him, eyes vulnerable. “Please come home with me, Alexander. I can’t stand being away from you and knowing you aren’t feeling well,” he said honestly, arms tightening around Alec’s waist. </p><p>The shadowhunter sighed. “I can’t. My mom, she’s just…” Alec trailed off, not sure how to explain it all to Magnus because he wouldn’t understand. He wasn’t a shadowhunter and tradition and honor meant something different to him. </p><p>“I know that, but I also know you. You don’t want to be a shadowhunter, not like this. You want to be a writer,” Magnus said desperately, one hand coming up to cup Alec’s cheek. The hand felt so warm and safety spread in Alec’s body instantly. </p><p>He didn’t even know what to say, because it was true. He didn’t want to be a shadowhunter. “It doesn’t even matter what I want to,” he ended up saying, seeing as Magnus’ eyes dropped. He knew this was hurting him as well. </p><p>“You could come and live with me. For real. Publish your writing in the mundane world, you don’t even have to be a shadowhunter if you don’t want to,” he tried to explain as if Alec hadn’t ever considered it before. It was killing him, living at the institute and constantly fighting his inner demons just to fit into a box that his mother wanted him to be in. </p><p>“It’s not that simple,” There was just so much that Magnus didn’t know.</p><p>The warlock took in a sharp breath, leaning his forehead down to rest against Alec’s. Just the smell of him had Alec’s heart beating fast, everything in his body feeling like it was about to melt. </p><p>“Then what happens now?” Magnus asked carefully, probably fearing the answer more than anything. Even Alec feared the answer and he was the one giving it. It was just, there wasn’t much to choose between. His mom had made it pretty clear what was to happen from now on. </p><p>“I’m not really allowed to see you,” Alec admitted and it dawned on him as he spoke the words out loud. He swallowed. </p><p>“I know that,” Magnus said. “And I know it is your family, I understand that you can’t just give up on them. But Jace and Izzy, they’ll support you no matter what you do, I’m sure of that” </p><p>“Well, maybe, but it isn’t just easy like that. This is all I’ve ever known,” Alec tried to explain desperately, sighing softly and he saw something flicker in Magnus’ eyes. The warlock placed a kiss on Alec’s forehead, his strong hand was caressing Alec’s cheek, causing small waves of affection to go through Alec’s body.</p><p>“Because you’ve never dared to get to know something else” Magnus said simply, carefully. They stayed like that for a bit of time, holding onto each other, not wanting the moment to end. And Alec thought about Magnus’ words, but didn’t respond.</p><p>How could he meet the love of his life and then have to let him go just like this. It wasn’t fair, but there was nothing for him to do about it.</p><p>Magnus sighed, pulling himself away from Alec. His hand dropped from Alec’s cheek, both hands coming into his pockets once again. “Just, if you change your mind, the room is yours.”</p><p>“I won’t,” Alec said quietly, already missing Magnus’ touch. But it wasn’t fair of him to drag Magnus even further into this. “I can’t, I have a duty.”</p><p>“But you can if you want to. And if you aren’t happy, if you are causing yourself this much pain, why are you staying in it?” Magnus said with a firm voice, Alec couldn’t really make out if it was pure desperation or accusation in his voice. </p><p>“Because it isn’t simple like that,” Alec stated once again. Why couldn’t Magnus just understand? </p><p>“Maybe not. But you are not even fighting for it, Alexander,” This time, the accusation was shining clearly, only slightly overshadowing the pain in Magnus’ hoarse voice. </p><p>“What am I supposed to do, then? I’m a goddamn shadowhunter, I can’t just pretend like I’m not,” Alec blurted out, not sure if he was getting annoyed with Magnus. Deep down, he just wanted to be in his arms again, but what was the point if this was all ending?</p><p>“You’re supposed to be honest with your mother and tell her no.”</p><p>“Magnus, you don’t even know the first thing about my mother. I can’t tell her no, no one can.” Alec said defensively. He was getting angry now, Magnus didn’t know anything about how Alec had been struggling for the past weeks. </p><p>“Then why are you staying? Why are you letting her suppress you like that? Why aren’t you fighting for your right to see who you want to see and be who you want to be?” Magnus asked, completely naive.</p><p>“What?” Alec said harshly. “Magnus, you don’t know anything. If you are trying to tell me that I am weak, then thank you, I have heard that enough already,” he said hurtfully. Something flickered in the golden eyes, they turned a little softer. </p><p>“I’m not saying that, sweetie-” Magnus started, voice apologetic, but Alec cut him off. </p><p>“Stop calling me that Magnus. And stop pretending like you know what is best for me,” he stated with a firm voice, crossing his arms. He had to fight the need to walk into Magnus’ arms and let him caress his hair and kiss his forehead. </p><p>“I never said I did. All I’m saying is that if you don’t want to be a shadowhunter, you don’t have to,” It was like Magnus had realized that he had said something that had gotten to Alec’s feelings. He stepped closer, taking out a hand to put steadily on Alec’s arm. </p><p>The shadowhunter stepped backwards, avoiding and Magnus just stood there, arm outstretched and his eyes dropped, sadness coming in a clear wave through his face. </p><p>“Alec, I-”</p><p>“I have to get back in before my mom notices that I’m gone,” Alec stated, turning to look somewhere else because it was too painful to stare into the golden eyes right now.</p><p>“No, please don’t leave yet.” Magnus begged, voice almost cracking. Alec closed his eyes, taking in a sharp breath. </p><p>“Sorry,” he said, turning around to walk to the front door. </p><p>“Alec!” Magnus called after him, but the shadowhunter didn’t turn around. He couldn’t, because tears were starting to form in his eyes and he didn’t want Magnus to see him cry. He just wanted to be alone and deal with all of these things. </p><p>This pain was unavoidable, he knew that. But it didn’t make it any less painful.</p><p> </p><p>“Alec?” a soft voice asked, coming closer to where Alec was sitting on a bench in the green house. Alec looked up, smiling at Jace whose long curls were falling into his eyes. </p><p>“Hey,” Alec greeted, then turning his attention back to the flowers he had been staring at for about an hour now. </p><p>“What are you up to?” his brother asked. </p><p>“Nothing. Just sitting here, thinking.”</p><p>Jace sighed a somewhat sympathetic sigh, sitting down on the bench next to Alec. “I hate seeing you like this,” his brother admitted. </p><p>“Like what?” Alec’s legs were dangling carefully from the bench. </p><p>“Hurting.” </p><p>Then silence fell over them and Jace was right. Alec was hurting, he had been trying to convince himself that it wasn’t true, but it was. He was hurting badly and didn’t know how to cope from it, so here he was, staring at the flowers with a somewhat empty feeling in his chest. </p><p>“I know,” he whispered. But it helped with Jace just sitting there, just his presence had some of the sadness fade away. </p><p>“I found something that is yours,” Jace said after a moment of silence, opening his jacket and taking out something he had been hiding underneath it. Alec watched carefully and his breath caught. </p><p>“I thought it had been burned,” he exhaled, taking the green notebook from Jace’s hand and flipping through the pages to make sure it was really his. He recognized his handwriting right away, searching to see if anything had been ripped out but it was all there. </p><p>“Yeah, but I guess she didn’t have the heart to. It was locked away in a drawer in the living room,” Jace explained, watching his brother carefully, not sure if he was really happy or getting nostalgic because of the memories the book carried. </p><p>Alec smiled, closing the book and holding it to his chest. “Thank you,” he said quietly.</p><p>“Maybe it will help you to start writing again. I know how good you are at it,”</p><p>Alec thought about it for a second and maybe his brother was right. It had helped him through some dark times earlier and had always been his way of coping from emotions. Then he thought about what Magnus had said, about Alec wanting to be a writer instead of being a shadowhunter. </p><p>“Can I ask you something?” Alec asked carefully. </p><p>“Of course,” his brother said, turning on the bench so he was facing Alec. “Always.”</p><p>Alec sighed, his hands dropping to his lap and the green color looking so anonymous in the light from the green house. “What if I don’t want to be a shadowhunter anymore?” he asked. </p><p>It was probably unexpected, because Jace looked a little taken aback, his mouth falling open but no words escaping. “Uhm,” he mumbled, and it was just as Alec had been expecting. </p><p>“Forget it,” Alec said after a moment, shaking it off because it was stupid to even ask. He couldn’t just stop being a shadowhunter, he was born a goddamn shadowhunter and was going to die one, too. “Sometimes I just think of how things would have been if I had been born a mundane. I think I would have become a writer.”</p><p>Jace sighed. “Sometimes I think about it too. And I think you’re right. You’ve always been passionate about your writing, I see the sparkle in your eye when you write. I never see it at other times,” </p><p>“Really?” Alec asked, a little surprised. </p><p>“Yes. And I used to think that being a shadowhunter wasn’t changeable, but… maybe it is. All I know is that you are miserable right now and it breaks my heart, Alec,” Jace admitted and for some reason, it sounded so believable coming from his mouth. Maybe it was just that Jace was the perfect shadowhunter, he loved being a shadowhunter and for him to say this, it meant a lot. </p><p>“I wish it was that easy,” Alec said nervously. </p><p>Jace shrugged as he said, “Well you’ll never really know if you don’t try. I’ve been watching you trying to fit into your role as a shadowhunter for years now, and then you meet Magnus. And I swear, I’ve never seen happiness shine out of you that way before.”</p><p>“But-” Alec started, but Jace cut him short. </p><p>“Maybe you need to stop thinking about all the ‘buts’ and just do it. Izzy and I will support you no matter what, you know that. You have so much more to gain than you have to lose.”</p><p>Alec’s grip tightened around the green book in his hands, his mind going off to the certain feeling he always had in his body when he was writing. Then he thought of Magnus, of his golden eyes and strong arms. He thought of his smile and how awful he was at cooking. He thought of the way Alec's middle name would fall from his lips, and he thought of his cat eyes, looking at Alec with lust. He thought of him calling a zucchini a cucumber-looking thing. And then, he thought of the little sparkle that would grow in his stomach whenever their mouths were on each other.</p><p>Something softened inside of him at the thought, a small, almost invisible smile creeping to his lips. He couldn’t really imagine what would happen if he gave up being a shadowhunter, but just the thought had a somewhat nervous excitement starting to take over the sadness in his body. </p><p>“You’re right,” he said with determination in his voice. “I have to try,”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Not staying in control</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It had taken him some time to build up the courage, because this wasn’t just a decision to be made overnight. Telling his mother that he wasn’t happy being a shadowhunter had been tough and had involved many tears and a lot of arguing.</p><p>Throughout the past days he had been wondering if it was the right decision. He had to be certain that this was what he was going to do, he couldn’t bear the thought of bringing Magnus into this mess if there was the slightest chance that he might regret this. </p><p>But here he was, now, standing in front of the big, golden door leading to Magnus’ apartment. He was reminded of the very first time he had been standing here with his two big suitcases in his hands. How he had wondered what kind of person would live behind such an impressive door. </p><p>Now his hands were empty. And he knew the answer beforehand, his stomach tightened at the memory. His heart was beating fast as he thought about what to tell him. How do you explain to someone that you are ready to give up your entire life, all you’ve ever known, for them?</p><p>Taking in a sharp breath, he knew he had been overthinking this enough already and there wasn’t another second he was willing to waste being away from Magnus. So he knocked.</p><p>Jace had been right, he had so much more to gain than he had to lose. But it had been heartbreaking to lose his mother just like this, because deep down, he knew that she still loved him. She was his mom. </p><p>He shook his head, trying not to think too much about it and knocked again, a little harder this time. Maybe he wasn’t home? He was hardly ever home, really, and Alec could only imagine how much he must be trying to keep himself busy now. </p><p>But he didn’t know where else to find him. </p><p>He sighed, eyes dropping and was about to turn around and walk back to the institute as the sound of a lock being opened came from the door. </p><p>He froze, fixing his gaze on the door as it slowly and steadily opened and revealed a tall, familiar figure. But it wasn’t Magnus. </p><p>“Oh, hello?” Alec said almost as if it was a question. He couldn’t help the confusion that flashed through his face and the instant feeling of being knocked over by something unexpected. “You’re not Magnus.” he stated as if it wasn’t obvious.</p><p>“Oh no, sorry - he’s out,” the blonde, tall boy with the pointy ears said, a tired look on his face. “You’re his roomie, right?”</p><p>Alec hesitated. “Uhm, no,” he said, technically it was true. He instantly regretted having come here. Had he really thought that he had the right to push Magnus away and tell him to go and then just drop by like this? Magnus couldn’t just wait for Alec to change his mind. He had every right to move on. </p><p>“Sorry, you just look like him, then. Who are you?” the seelie asked as if he wanted to start a conversation with Alec. </p><p>“Just a friend,” Alec simply said. His mind wasn’t on the conversation or the exhausted look on the seelie’s face. His mind was on Magnus. </p><p>“I’m Tobias,” Alec couldn’t care less what his name was, it only made it even worse. Alec knew he was the jealous type, but the feeling in his stomach as he looked at Tobias felt more as an empty ache than it felt like burning, angry jealousy.</p><p>The seelie rubbed his eyes, sighing a little. “Well, if you want to you can just come inside and wait until he gets back. I’ll make us a cup of coffee or tea - whatever you prefer,”</p><p>“I’m a little busy, but thanks,” Alec said politely, trying not to let it show how his mind was running wild and how his feelings were in his throat, threatening to break his voice.</p><p>“I can tell him you stopped by if you want me to?” Tobias offered. </p><p>Alec took in a sharp breath, forcing a small smile. “Don’t bother,” he said. He didn’t wait for the seelie to respond before he had turned on his heels and was heading for the stairs. </p><p>He should have expected this. Magnus had asked him to come back, told him he could move into his room whenever he wanted to, but Alec had told him a clear “no”. </p><p>He owed Magnus to stay away, it wasn’t fair of him to just show up like this, out of nowhere. Magnus wasn’t just his to play around with and he couldn’t just expect him to wait while Alec figured himself out.</p><p>But it shined even brighter in that moment that Alec needed this. He wasn’t just doing it because of Magnus, he was doing it because of himself, too. This wasn’t going to stop him - it would be a lot harder without Magnus by his side to support him, but it wasn’t going to be impossible. </p><p>Magnus had just given him the final push of making this decision. And for that, he was incredibly thankful.</p><p> </p><p>Alec put his burning hot coffee down on the desk. He had just finished rewriting all of the stories digitally and was very pleased with himself, though a little tired. A somewhat excited feeling had been in his body for the past days, growing more and more each moment. </p><p>His phone rang and he picked it up, sitting down by the desk. “Hey Jace,” he said happily and threw his feet up, trying to sit more comfortably. </p><p>“Wow. It’s amazing” Jace said excitedly. Alec felt his cheeks starting to blush a little bit at the thought. “Seriously, people are going to love it. It’s perfect. I had no idea you were that good at writing!”</p><p>“Thank you,” Alec felt a little overwhelmed, everything lately had been happening so fast and had left him no room to really catch up. </p><p>“Especially the one at the beach. ‘Stormy nights’, that one was really good.”</p><p>“Do you think 6 short stories is enough? Or do I need to add more?” Alec asked nervously, taking the cup from the desk to warm his hand.</p><p>“I think it’s perfect. It’s ready to be sent to a publisher, I’d say,” </p><p>A shy smile crept to Alec’s face, but the nervousness was still all over him. “Thanks Jace, I really hope they’ll like it,” he said. </p><p>“They are going to love it, Alec!” Jace stated. “How are things going at your new apartment?”</p><p>“Great, really. It’s a little small but I’m done unpacking. I met the woman who lives opposite of me earlier today, she seems nice,” Alec took a sip of his coffee.</p><p>“Sounds good. I’m going to come and visit soon, I promise. But mom and dad are keeping a close eye on me and Izzy right now,” Jace explained, guilt in his voice. Alec really missed both of them, he had only been staying at his new apartment for about a week and had been busy with moving in and finishing his book. But now, it felt like loneliness was starting to come. </p><p>He sighed softly. “Don’t worry, Jace, I’m doing fine. I like the quietness and I’m used to being alone, writing all day.”</p><p>Silence followed, then Jace asked softly, carefully, “And what about Magnus?”</p><p>“I told you already, he has moved on, which is fair,”</p><p>“You don’t really know that. People handle pain in different ways, I think you should talk to him,” Jace tried to convince his brother, but stepped lightly not to say something that would hurt Alec. </p><p>“It’s not fair of me to come barging back into his life now that he has found someone else,”</p><p>Jace hesitated. “I don’t think he has found someone else. I think he is trying to get over you with random sex,”</p><p>Alec felt a stab to his chest. “Don’t even mention it. I can’t stand the thought,” he said honestly, holding tightly onto his cup of coffee. </p><p>“Sorry,” Jace said softly. “But Alec, I think he misses you, too. Just, please consider talking to him, will you?”</p><p>Alec stared down at his hand with the cup, watching the liquid float. He felt a little numb, suddenly, probably because he had been avoiding these thoughts for some time now. And it hurt to think about. </p><p>“I don’t know,” he said eventually. </p><p>“You need to tell him what happened. He deserves to know, to make a decision based on that.”</p><p>Alec swallowed, shaking his head. “And what if he doesn’t want me, then? What if he just wants Tobias now-”</p><p>“Are you crazy?” Jace interrupted. “Alec, he has feelings for you. I see the way his eyes shine when he talks about you. Did you know he came to the institute to see you, demanding to talk to you, but mom told him to stay away and never come back?”</p><p>“No,” Alec said. “But it doesn’t change anything.”</p><p>“But-” Jace started, then trailed off. He sighed a somewhat frustrated sigh, seeming in despair but Alec couldn’t even focus on it. His mind was on Magnus. “Alright, then,” Jace said eventually, knowing Alec wasn’t going to just change his mind like that. </p><p>“I’m gonna get back to the book, now, proofreading it one last time,” Alec took another sip of coffee. It was like he couldn’t talk about Magnus, it was hurting him too much to think about him with someone else. “But say hi to Izzy from me,”</p><p>“I will,” Jace said in an exhausted voice and Alec hung up. He just sat there, staring at the phone in his hand, thinking about how different things could have been if he had just told his mother no from the start. </p><p>His mind wandered back to Magnus. It was like the boy made him forget all the worries that were in the world. Whenever he was around him, things were alright. Even Alec’s mother’s strict orders would be forgotten in the warlock’s presence. </p><p>Alec stood up, walking to the bedroom. In the drawer by the bed was the green, small notebook and he took it out, opening it to a blank page. </p><p>Maybe he ought to write one last short story to the collection. There was something on his heart that needed to be written down, otherwise Alec was going to break. </p><p> </p><p>Alec’s hands were sweaty in his lap, nervousness was all over him and he tried to tell himself to just relax. The thick air in the room felt heavy around him and he had just accidentally caught the secretary’s eyes in an awkward eye contact for maybe the fourth time. He tried to look somewhere else, but as he was sitting directly opposite from her, it was quite hard. </p><p>Instead, he studied the poster on the wall beside him. He had been looking at it already, the titel “Do you have what it takes to write a bestseller?” in big, blue letters had caught his eyes more than once, now. </p><p>Then the door at the end of the room opened and a short, chubby man with thick glasses stepped out. As he saw Alec, a big grin found its way to his face. </p><p>“Oh, I’ve been looking forward to seeing what you might look like,” He started off saying, coming closer and reaching out a hand. “My name is Mark, I’m the editor here,” he said politely. </p><p>Alec stood up, discreetly drying off his sweaty palms in his pants before shaking Mark’s hand. “I’m Alec.” He smiled shyly at the short man. </p><p>“I’ve been wondering what the A might stand for. Not many people use initials in their author names these days,” he explained as he guided them to his office, gesturing for Alec to sit down in a chair opposite of where he sat down himself. </p><p>“I know. I’m a little old-fashioned,” Alec said. But reality was that he wouldn’t want anyone to recognize his name, so instead he had decided to change it a bit. </p><p>“Well, I must say that I loved your book. The stories are well-written and detailed when necessary. You had me hooked,”</p><p>Alec blushed at the compliment. “Thank you,” he said, telling himself to not be so nervous. </p><p>“We would love to publish your book, as you may guess. And it is your first one, right?”</p><p>“Yes. I’ve written books before, but this is my first one to be published,” Alec explained. He felt the relief fill his body, he had been fearing this moment for days, now. </p><p>“I liked how the theme from the title was a common thread throughout all of your stories. And the title is spot on. ‘Not staying in control’, I really like that,” he kept on going and Alec wasn’t used to getting this many compliments, because usually he sucked at everything. “And that last short story? I mean, it is a bit unusual to have one short story wary that much from the rest.”</p><p>“Yeah, I added it last minute. If you don’t like it, I can just take it out again,” Alec hurried to offer, before the chubby man even got to finish his sentence. </p><p>“No, I love it. It’s short and precise, but sums up your point throughout all six stories. The most important part of a book is that it leaves the reader with a feeling of having been touched. This makes the last pages the most important ones.” He explained. </p><p>Alec felt overwhelmed. “I didn’t even consider that.” It had actually been quite opposite when he had decided to add the extra story. He had put it in the back and hoped that no one would see it there. </p><p>“Usually when we publish a new book from an unknown author, we host a reading where people can come and hear a short passage from the book and feel inspired. How do you feel about that? Usually around 20 people show up so it is nothing big.”</p><p>“Uhm,” Alec thought about it. “That sounds fine, actually. Do I just pick out a short story then?”</p><p>“I was definitely thinking that you should read ‘Cat eyes’. Everything about it was just perfect, every little detail.”</p><p>“Isn’t it a bit too… abstract,” Alec asked, already feeling nervous from just thinking about reading his own work out loud in front of 20 people. </p><p>“People love abstract, Alec. And they’ll love ‘Cat eyes’. It has this dreamy feeling over it. It’s almost magical,” If only Mark knew how magical it really was.</p><p>“Maybe it would be better if I just read ‘stormy nights’?” Alec suggested. His stomach was tightening at the thought of reading something that personal out loud. Of course, no one would know, but what if he couldn’t trust his own voice on stage? No, it was better to not read it and be safe. </p><p>“I mean, both are really good - but I must say, I think ‘Cat eyes’ would catch people’s attention,” Mark admitted. </p><p>But Alec had already decided what he was going to do. He didn’t want to feel vulnerable like that, to read ‘Cat eyes’ out loud and have the thought of Magnus go through his mind while he was on stage.</p><p>“I know it’s the safe choice, but I think I’m just going to go with ‘Stormy nights’” he said. </p><p>Mark seemed a little disappointed, but then he shrugged, saying, “Well, it is your choice. Either way, we are happy to be publishing your book. And I’m certain that it will be received well.”</p><p>It was a weird kind of relief that was in his body as he left the building. And now he was already starting to get excited about the reading. How he wished Magnus could be there and support him, but that wasn’t how things were. </p><p> </p><p>The wind was blowing in his long, black coat as he ran quickly down the city street. He wasn’t exactly late, but just keeping himself busy because it made everything easier. It was like all of these thoughts that kept on creeping to his mind were held at a distance when he ran through the town like this, going from one errand to another. </p><p>He hoped Tobias wasn’t going to be at his apartment when he made it back later today. Magnus had accidentally invited the seelie over once again, it helped to soothe some of the burning pain inside of him. </p><p>But meaningless sex was the kind of pleasure that made you feel disgusted in the morning, and right now Magnus felt the guilt of having slept with Tobias catch up with him. </p><p>He didn’t even like the guy. It was like he was trying too hard to mimic a feeling he had once had around the seelie, knowing very well it was never going to come back. </p><p>And all he could think about in his presence was Alec. All he could think about all the time, really, was Alec and how unfair it all was. But there was nothing for him to do about it. It was like this with shadowhunters, and he had known already before he got himself all mixed into this mess of feelings. </p><p>He shook his head, trying to let the thought go. It hurt him too much to think about, it kept on reminding him what he had once had. Then he rounded a corner and found himself facing a red light. Sighing, he stood impatiently waiting for the light to change. </p><p>Then his eye caught something. On the other side of the street in a shop window, his eye caught a small, green book put at display. It was the familiar color that caught his eye, the thin, white stripes resembling the exact front of Alec’s little notebook. </p><p>As soon as the light changed, he went to get a better look. His heart started racing as he read the title and he immediately thought back to the book Alec had been reading in Magnus’ apartment. It couldn’t be, it wasn’t possible. Was it?</p><p>His eyes drifted to the name of the author. It was like he couldn’t breathe, he tried desperately but his heart in his throat and the suddenly very tight coat was taking away the ability. A. Gideon. </p><p>Everything around him seemed to disappear and he just stood there, staring at the book while his body felt paralyzed. The unusual, clumpy name could only belong to one person. A tall, muscular person with dark hair and soft, gorgeous, blue eyes. </p><p>Without even thinking about it, he was throwing the shop door open, needing the book to be his. </p><p> </p><p>Alec stared at the plant in front of him, trying to convince himself that the sunglasses it was wearing resembled a face. He had put it on his desk next to some other things. A roll of toilet paper. A bottle of water. This was supposed to be his crowd, but it wasn’t really working out for him.</p><p>He took in a sharp breath, raising the book so he could read the lines again. “The wind always blows more forcefully in may. Especially by the stony beach, along the water where Kathrine would always stay that time of the year with what was left of her family. Each year, she would… Each, each,”</p><p>He lowered the book, mumbling ‘each’ under his breath. How was that word supposed to fall from his lips? Feeling a little nervous and stage-frightened, he walked to the plant and turned it around so it wasn’t staring at Alec with that certain gaze. </p><p>“Each year, she would spend all of her waking hours with her feet in the water, staring at the open blue. It scared her, but in the kind of way that made her feel alive,” </p><p>Alec sighed. This wasn’t really working out for him. “Made her feel alive,” he tried once again, wanting the pressure on the words to be just right. </p><p>He made a somewhat frustrated sound as it still wasn’t coming out the way he wanted it to. Then he tried from the top again. “The wind always blows more forcefully - forcefuLLY.” He groaned. “For fucks sake,”</p><p>It just wasn’t good enough. How could he be this awful at reading? He was about to force himself to relax and take it from the top again as a loud knock on the door pulled him out of his annoyance and made a slight frown appear on his face. </p><p>He put the book down on the desk, hesitating only for a moment before removing the sunglasses from the plant. If it was Jace, he was never going to shut up about it, otherwise. </p><p>Without thinking much he opened the door and just as quickly as he had opened it, he threw it shut again. </p><p>“Alec?!” A soft and frustrated voice said from the other side of the door, knocking on the door once again. Alec had to pull himself together, something in his chest had tightened.</p><p>He opened the door again with a cold look on his face. “What the hell do you want?” He said angrily, trying to keep the wave of fear that made its way through his body under control. </p><p>“Look, I know I have no right to just come by like this-“</p><p>“Seriously, mom, if you are here to tell me I’m a horrible son and that I disgust you, please leave! I’m sick and tired of you constantly making me feel worthless,” he interrupted her before she had the chance to finish her sentence. How dared she even come here? After what had happened.</p><p>“Alec, I’m here to tell you that I’m sorry,” his mother said apologetic, eyes seeming somehow honest. </p><p>“I can’t believe you. I’m not going to just come back with you just because you tell me you’re sorry.” Alec crossed his arms, feeling something burn inside of him. He was still angry with her for how she had been treating him. </p><p>“I mean it, Alec. I know I have been pushing you too much. I thought that you just needed a little extra training, but I know now that all the pressure was too much. I wish I’d realized sooner,”</p><p>“Well now it is too late, mom. I don’t even want to come back, I’ve never liked anything about being a shadowhunter. Please leave,” he said steadily. </p><p>She sighed. “I know. I just needed you to know that I am sorry. And I understand it if you are mad at me, but-”</p><p>“I’m not mad, mom, but the things you said really hurt me,” Alec interrupted. It was actually true, he wasn’t mad at his mom, because deep down he knew that she still loved him and that all she had done had been because of that. “And I’m not ready to forgive that,”</p><p>Something flashed through her face, it kind of looked like regret but Alec wasn’t sure. “Will you at least hear me out?” she asked carefully. </p><p>A big part of Alec wanted to send her away and shut the door. But this was his mom, after all. Shouldn’t he at least let her talk and listen to the small part of himself that wanted this fight between them to be over. Maybe she was actually here to make things right between them</p><p>Suppressing the angry feeling he had had just a moment ago, he stared at her with a straight face. “Alright,” he said, opening the door further for her to come inside. </p><p>As she walked inside, her gaze wandered the room, taking in everything in the small apartment. “How did you get all the furniture up here?” she asked.</p><p>“I carried it. Jace and Izzy weren’t allowed to leave the institute, remember? So I had to do it myself.” A somewhat cold tone was in his voice.</p><p>She didn’t comment on it further, instead she just went to sit down on his couch. Alec didn’t sit down, he leaned his back against the door, waiting for her to say something.</p><p>Eventually she did. “I read your book. I found it in Jace’s room.”</p><p>“And why would you do that?” he asked, not really annoyed with her having read it. More a little surprised.</p><p>“You were always a talent. Your dad and I knew you were good,” she said, not answering Alec’s question. </p><p>“So your solution was to forbid my writing?”</p><p>“We thought it was distracting you,” she explained, crossing her legs where she sat on the sofa. </p><p>“It wasn’t distracting me. It was helping me get through the days.”</p><p>Her eyes dropped a bit, a sympathetic smile found its way to her mouth. “I know that now. I’m glad you never stopped doing what you love,”</p><p>He didn’t know how to reply to that, so he didn’t at all. But it was like he had needed her to say those words for some time now. Maybe she had been holding on to the slightest chance that some day, he would put aside the writing and become a great shadowhunter. And now she knew for sure that that day would never come.</p><p>“And your book is great, really,” she commented further. “I think people will love it.”</p><p>A small, almost invisible smile played on Alec’s mouth. He tried not to let it show, but maybe she saw it. He had never thought he’d hear those words come from his mother, and maybe he wasn’t ready to forgive her quite yet, but someday he would be. </p><p>“I’ll make us some tea,” he said, realizing that right now, he didn’t want her to leave. He had been so alone lately and needed his mother to be here with him. Even though some part of him still wanted to stay away from her. </p><p>And at least for now, her apology mattered to him. It was enough to make him forget all the horrible things for just a moment.</p><p> </p><p>It was like all the loud voices didn’t quite reach Alec’s bubble of nervousness. It was filling him up in a way that had his hand shake lightly, some kind of unsettlement dawning on him. </p><p>Jace, Izzy and his mother had showed up unexpectedly and Alec had had no idea they had been planning on coming. At first, he thought that maybe it would help him relax, but even with their presence his hands felt sweaty and his throat dry. He was thankful for them being there, though.</p><p>He took a sip of water and tried to imagine what kind of feeling he would have had in his body if Magnus had been here. Something about Magnus always seemed to have him relax. </p><p>“Ladies and gentlemen,” Mark’s voice pierced through the crowd, catching everybody’s attention and the noise died slowly. “Thank you for coming here this evening. In a moment, Alec will begin the reading. Afterwards, there’ll be beer and cake in the stall over there,” he pointed towards the stall. “and a chance to have a word with the author. We will also be selling the book, so come and get a signed copy. But now, enjoy your night,” he said. </p><p>People started clapping and it only made Alec even more nervous. His eyes caught with Jace’s who sent a thumbs up and a wide smile, reassuring that things were going to be just fine. </p><p>Then Alec walked on stage with his bottle of water in one hand and the book in his other. The microphone wasn’t in his height, so he put down the water as he adjusted the microphone. </p><p>“Hello everybody, I’m Alec,” he said, struggling to make the microphone stand longer. This was typical. “I’ve just released my very first book, ‘Not staying in control’. It’s a short story collection-” he paused, finally getting the stand to do as he wanted it to. He secured it at the right height and stood up straight. “And tonight, I will be reading one of the 7 short stories out loud for you.”</p><p>He catched a glimpse of Jace’s face, it was a big grin. He was holding the draft that Alec had sent him about two weeks ago in his hands, and probably hadn’t noticed that it only contained 6 stories. </p><p>The crowd was a lot bigger than Alec had been expecting. At least 40 people had come, and Alec had never spoken in front of this many people before. Two or three were already holding the hardcover version of Alec’s book in their hands as well, having probably bought it in the stall before the reading started. </p><p>“Most of the stories have been an ongoing process for years, it has taken me some time to build up the courage to finally publish them. But here I am, tonight, and I’m very happy that you are all here to take a part of this big moment with me.”</p><p>He didn’t really know what to say so he just blurted out something. Mark had told him to warm up the audience by telling a little bit of background story.</p><p>“The title of the short story collection is inspired by a book I read once, called ‘Staying in control’. Ever since that I’ve been thinking about it, and I’ve realised that staying in control isn’t actually the goal. The goal is to learn to accept the fact that you can’t always be in control. Simply because it is impossible,”</p><p>He paused, watching as the crowd listened with intensity. Then his eyes fell on his mother. “Many of the short stories reflect the struggles of growing up under harsh conditions and family is a theme throughout the book. I grew up myself while struggling to find out who I was, because I always tried to please everybody around me.”</p><p>Sympathy showed in his mother’s eyes, and she looked down at her hands, unable to hold the eye contact. “But eventually I learned to stop trying to fit in and to just let go of myself. And that will be my take home message from this reading,”</p><p>Some people nodded, looking at each other with that certain gaze that said, “he’s got a point,”. Alec smiled to himself, opening the book to the short story he had planned on reading. </p><p>“Now, I will be reading a story called ‘Stormy nights’.” Those with a version of the book in their hands went through the pages to find the story as well. Alec felt the dry feeling in his throat once again as he realized that it was now.</p><p>He cleared his throat, then took in a deep breath and told himself it was going to be fine. Izzy nodded his way with encouragement and just as he opened his mouth to speak, someone barged through the door at the end of the room. </p><p>The loud noise made everybody turn to look and something froze inside of Alec. Because of course it was Magnus. Magnus, standing in his long, black coat opened in the middle, showing off his lean body. Magnus, with his many piercings and his golden eyes shining with determination and desperation. Magnus, with his hair in a perfect fringe, holding a small, green book close to his chest that Alec recognized right away.</p><p>And his presence had everything but them disappearing, for some reason. Suddenly, it was just Magnus and Alec in this small bubble, standing on opposite sides of the room, looking at each other through something that felt like empty air.</p><p>“Actually,” Alec said, regaining control. His heart was pumping violently in his chest, his cheeks probably blushing but he couldn’t care less. Not now that Magnus was here. The warlock had this soft look all over him, it encouraged Alec to keep going. “I think I will be reading another story after all.”</p><p>Still keeping his focus on Magnus, he flipped through the book, landing on the very last page. He exhaled, hands holding tightly onto the book. “This one is called ‘Cat eyes’.”</p><p>Somewhere in the distance, he felt the crowd’s confusion and saw Jace’s frown as he went through the draft and realized that there was a story missing. He sensed Mark’s triumph as Alec ended up going with that story, but it felt so distant, almost like a memory. Because the only thing that felt real in that moment was Magnus. </p><p>Alec looked down at the small, delicate letters, the nervousness somehow gone. He started reading, </p><p>“The soft voice caresses me. The boy with the cat eyes is just a dream. For now. Humming along to a sweet and quiet melody. I’m reminded of something familiar and safe, like the well-known smell of clean sheets. Or the warmth caused in early spring by a single sunbeam.”</p><p>He paused, looked up to catch a glimpse of Magnus, who was listening intensely with eyes wide open. “The boy with the cat eyes sings for me. I follow his song as it guides me through my inner demons and helps me avoid all of their sharp teeth.”</p><p>“The boy with the cat eyes wants me to fly with him, but I tell him that I need solid ground under my feet. I’m stubborn and don’t want to be teached.” he read, somehow feeling the pain of realizing his own mistakes starting to creep up on him. </p><p>“I tell him no!” Alec said, pressure building in his chest, but voice still steady. “when he tells me that it is okay to not always stay in control. And he is giving all he has to give to me, his cat eyes shining with honesty, but all I do is tell him to go.”</p><p>The silence in the room was piercing through him. With a small, careful voice, he continued, “So he does.”</p><p>“Then I realize that this isn’t where I want to be. I realize that the boy with the cat eyes isn’t just a dream. I’m navigating reality, alone and fearfully.”</p><p>“I cry out for him, I beg him not to leave. I scream desperately that I’m finally ready to not be in control. I’m ready to set myself free.”</p><p>Alec’s eyes fell on Magnus, watching the warlock press the book even closer to his chest, a sensitive smile on his face. The blue eyed one’s sight might have started to blur if it hadn’t been because of Magnus standing there, looking gorgeous, because Alec wanted to catch every single glimpse of him. He didn’t want to miss anything. </p><p>He closed the book, memorizing the last line of the poem-alike short story. With a voice dripping with desperation, he said, “And then I hope with all my heart that the boy with the cat eyes will hear me.”</p><p>And he did. Alec knew he didn’t just hear it, he understood the desperation behind it because it was clear in his golden eyes. It was like everything that went through Magnus’ body in that second, it went through Alec’s body as well. </p><p>He wanted to run up to Magnus but was reminded that he was standing on stage, people clapping and smiling before him, already starting to talk about the reading and the book. Reality seemed to dawn on him, he saw a man come closer blocking Alec’s view of Magnus. </p><p>“Well done, mr. Gideon, well done. I’m definitely looking forward to reading your book,” the man said, reaching out a hand for Alec to shake. Alec shook it, trying to look past the man, but couldn’t. </p><p>“Thank you,” Alec said, and then a woman came to stand beside the man.</p><p>“Very well written. And a very impressive reading,” she said. Alec sent her a half heartedly smil, eyes still drifting off to Magnus. He was lost in his own mind as his eyes caught with the warlock’s, Magnus standing by the door, still, waiting for Alec to finish. </p><p>“Excuse me,” Alec excused himself, having completely missed the things the woman had told him additionally. He walked past the two in front of him and only out of the corner of his eyes saw that more people had come to form a line behind them, wanting to talk to Alec. He couldn’t care less about that right then.</p><p>With quick steps and a racing heart he went towards the dark haired boy, and even though Magnus looked at him with that soft look on his face, Alec grew a little uncertain. Just before the warlock, he hesitated, stopping in front of him awkwardly, afraid to embrace him. “How did you know about this?” he asked instead.</p><p>Now Alec realized that Magnus looked a little sweaty, as if he had been running. He could see the heat in his cheeks and realized that that must be why his coat was open, revealing his tall body. </p><p>The warlock raised the book. “The woman in the bookstore told me about it. I hurried all I could, I had to see you again,”</p><p>“But I thought that…” Alec trailed off, thinking about how to tell Magnus that he came by his apartment and found Tobias there. “I thought that maybe you had moved on.”</p><p>“What?” Magnus said softly, stepping closer to Alec. He was still holding the book in one hand, but the other one reached for Alec’s. Their fingers intertwined almost instantly, the feeling was so familiar and safe. Alec’s breath caught. “I haven’t been thinking about anything but you ever since I came to see you at the institute. It’s painful how much you’ve been on my mind.”</p><p>Alec was about to tell Magnus that he hadn’t been thinking about anything but him, either, but was interrupted before he got the chance to say the words.</p><p>“Alec!” Someone said from behind Alec, and his hand automatically let go of Magnus’. As he turned around, he saw that it was Mark. “Hey, nice reading. Well done. Now, could you maybe come stand by the stall and sign some books and talk to the audience. They are dying to meet you,” he asked hurriedly, and Alec saw the line that had formed behind the stall. </p><p>“Oh yeah, sorry,” Alec said, a little bit embarrassed that he had been so caught up in Magnus that he hadn’t realized how rude it actually was to just stand here. </p><p>He sent Magnus an apologetic look, but Magnus said. “Come by my place when you are done, will you? I’ll make us a cup of coffee and you can tell me all about what has happened.”</p><p>Alec nodded, a warm feeling spreading in his stomach as he quietly said, “Okay, I will.” He smiled shyly at Magnus, wondering how come he was lucky enough to have this boy in his life. After all he had done to push him away. </p><p>Then he walked to the stall, smiling at people and talking to them about the book. And it was fine, really, because he was in no hurry. Magnus was waiting for him at the apartment with a warm cup of coffee. </p><p> </p><p>He didn’t even knock. He just walked right in, going straight to the kitchen where the gorgeous warlock was waiting for the water to boil, the book open at the last page on the kitchen table. </p><p>Alec couldn’t hold back the bubbles that filled him and made a goofy smile appear on his lips. Magnus hadn’t heard him coming, was deep in his reading and Alec grabbed the chance to just admire him by the door. </p><p>“Remember when you asked me if you could read some of my work?” Alec asked and Magnus chuckled at the sound of the other boy’s voice, closing the book and getting off the chair. </p><p>“And now I know why you didn’t want me to. You’ve been writing about me this whole time,” He teased, wrapping his big arms around Alec’s body and pressing him close into his embrace. Alec’s head went to rest on Magnus’ shoulder, mouth brushing the golden-brown skin on the warlock’s neck. </p><p>“It’s not about you. It’s about someone else I know with cat eyes,” he teased and enjoyed the familiar sound of Magnus’ quiet laughter. </p><p>“I thought you didn’t like my cat eyes. You always seem so uncomfortable whenever they show,” Magnus said, sound a little muffled from his mouth being in Alec’s hair. But the shorter boy heard it perfectly clear and he dug his fingers into the warlock’s shirt. </p><p>“Usually, they only show when you fuck me,” he said. Magnus was shaking his head, but Alec knew he was enjoying this moment. </p><p>“I’ve missed you,” was all the warlock said instead of commenting on Alec’s statement. Alec pulled back a bit, wanting to look at the boy before him. </p><p>“I’ve missed you too, Magnus,” he said honestly. He hadn’t even told Magnus yet, but the warlock should know how much he had been on Alec’s mind. </p><p>“Then why didn’t you tell me about what happened?”</p><p>And this was of course expected. But the affectionate pain in the words made Alec feel guilty, something flickered behind the warlock’s eyes and maybe it was disappointment. </p><p>“I tried to,” Alec started as he held tightly onto Magnus’ shirt. “I came by about two weeks ago, but you weren’t here,”</p><p>“You could have just come in, waited for me. Or left me a note,”</p><p>Alec swallowed, unsure of how to explain it. “I know, but… Someone else was here,” </p><p>Quickly, it seemed to dawn on Magnus. He realized exactly what had happened and it came like a wave, knocking him over. “Oh,” he exhaled, his arms loosening their grip around Alec. He pulled back a bit. “I almost forgot,”</p><p>“I didn’t want to just come barging back into your life if you had moved on,” The shorter boy explained, remembering the exhausted look on Tobias’ face as he had come by the apartment. The jealousy that had been in his own body, and the heartache. </p><p>“I hadn’t.” Magnus said. “I was just stupid, trying to get over you by having meaningless sex-”</p><p>“You don’t have to mention it. I mean, it still hurts a little bit to think about you and him together,” Alec admitted, his gaze going elsewhere because he couldn’t look Magnus in the eyes and be this honest about something like that. </p><p>Magnus tensed a little bit. “I’m really sorry, Alec, I-”</p><p>“This is my fault, too,” Alec interrupted. “If I had just realized sooner that you were right, it wouldn’t have happened. I want to be a writer. I don’t want to be a shadowhunter. And I want to be with you, Magnus, because some part of me is probably a little bit in love with you, but it’s kind of hard for me to admit,” he blurted out.</p><p>And now, he definitely couldn’t look at Magnus. But he felt it, the shy smile that found its way to Magnus’ face and the strong hands that came upwards to cup the shorter boy’s cheeks at the words. </p><p>“Really?” Magnus asked, almost as if he couldn’t believe what Alec had just said. Alec blushed. </p><p>“Yeah,” Alec said shyly, holding onto Magnus to make sure he wasn’t letting go. The soft hands on his face gently turned his head so his eyes locked with the golden ones in front of him. A certain sparkle was in Magnus’ eyes. </p><p>“You’re too cute,” the warlock said, which only made Alec blush even more. “And I think that a part of me is in love with you too. It’s probably just all of me, really.”</p><p>Alec wanted to say something, but he couldn’t. His breath had completely left his lunges, so he just stared at the gorgeous man before him. Then he had to lean up and catch Magnus’ lips with his own. He was on his tiptoes and steadied himself by Magnus’ chest, one palm resting carefully on top of the muscular body while the other hand held a handful of the warlock’s dark t-shirt. </p><p>As soon as their mouths were on each other in the soft touch, Alec let his eyes fall shut. And that feeling in his body in that second was like small bubbles, surfacing with each beat of his racing heart. And warmth spread through him, uncontrollably. But he didn’t care. He was more than ready to just let go of all control and let himself be led wherever these feelings in his chest would take him. </p><p>The water was boiling. Magnus smiled underneath the kiss, parting from the boy before him with shining eyes. </p><p>“The coffee is ready,” he said happily, placing small kisses on Alec’s lips before letting go of him, going to pour them both a cup of coffee and adding just a little bit of milk as he knew Alec liked it. </p><p>The blue eyed boy just stood there, smiling to himself because of how lucky he was. </p><p>“I was thinking that maybe you should read me another one of your stories tonight and sleep in my bed,” Magnus said, handing over the burning hot coffee. Accepting it, Alec warmed his hands on it, holding it close to his body. </p><p>“You want me to stay for the night?” he asked. </p><p>“Really, I just want you to stay here forever. But I guess I’m fine with just taking it one day at a time. So what do you say?”</p><p>Alec blushed like he always did when Magnus spoke to him, almost regardless of what he was saying. Then he chuckled, happiness filling up his body. “Alright,” he agreed with determination. “But only if you make me pancakes in the morning,”</p><p>“And I’ll even make them mundane-style for you, sweetie,” the warlock reassured. </p><p>And Alec had been lying, because it wasn’t just a part of him that was in love with Magnus. Every single inch of him had fallen so deeply for the boy that he couldn’t even get the damn, cheeky smile off of his face. Not while looking at the gorgeous boy before him.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Well, here, now there is a happy ending. I got a bit carried away and will be adding another chapter soon - oops.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. The green notebook</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Magnus woke up to an empty bed. Even Chairman Meow was up already, and the warlock pouted, because really he was in the mood to just cuddle his boyfriend and place small kisses all over his soft body. </p><p>He sighed, rolling out of bed and grabbing his golden bathrobe on his way to the bathroom. Already in the living room he could hear the familiar sound of someone brushing their teeth and a small, almost invisible smile appeared on Magnus' tired face. </p><p>The door was unlocked as usual and he walked in, embracing his gorgeous boyfriend from behind. His arms went to wrap around his waist, his head resting on Alec’s broad shoulder. </p><p>“g’morning gorgeous,” he mumbled, tiredness still in his body. Alec smiled, he was wearing only a pair of jeans and his chest was bare, showing off his toned muscles. Everything about his body was gorgeous, even the blackness of his runes that still covered his skin, the only thing that revealed what he really was. </p><p>Putting the toothbrush back into place and spitting out the toothpaste that had been in his mouth, Alec caught the warlock’s eyes in the mirror. “Good morning, babe. Are you tired?” he teased. </p><p>Magnus just smiled, placing a soft kiss at Alec’s neck and pressed himself closer to his boyfriend. “Maybe,” he mumbled, kisses trailing upwards to Alec’s cheek. “Are you going somewhere?”</p><p>Alec hesitated as the soft mouth found its way to his earlobe, brushing it lightly before kissing and nibbling at a soft spot behind his ear. He sighed at the sensation, tilting his head slightly almost without thinking. Magnus loved that look on his face, he caught a glimpse of it in the mirror.</p><p>“Home,” he said a bit shakingly. He grabbed the zink with one hand, holding himself still as Magnus’ strong fingers roamed his stomach and chest and caressed every inch of his fair skin. </p><p>“Don’t,” Magnus said quietly, one finger brushing Alec’s nipple and the shorter boy tensed a little underneath the sensation. “Stay here.”</p><p>Magnus’ hands felt warm on his skin, the gentle touch made his body crave more of the sweet feeling. Alec tried not to get too carried away, but with Magnus’ lips at his neck, tracing wet kisses, it was hard to stay focussed. </p><p>“I can’t. I have to get some writing done,” he said, voice slow and unsteady. He was breathing deeply, eyes falling shut as Magnus caught one swollen nipple between his fingers. He twitched it carefully, drawing a soft moan from Alec’s mouth. </p><p>“Are you sure?” the warlock asked. He could see in the mirror how Alec was relaxing underneath the touch, his mouth slightly open. </p><p>“Yes,” Alec sighed. Magnus put a little more pressure on the sensitive nipple between his fingers, and another “yes” fell from Alec’s mouth, but this time sounding more as a moan. </p><p>Looking down, Magnus could see Alec’s dick starting to harden in his tight jeans. Magnus just loved every part of Alec’s body, his sensitive nipples, his soft, fair skin, his cock and his small, pink, tight hole. </p><p>The thought had the arousal spreading in Magnus’ body as well, though he had been horny and had wanted his hands on Alec’s body ever since he woke up. He was not ready for him to leave, there were just so many things he wanted to do to him before that.</p><p>“Well, it just looks a little like you want to stay,” he said teasingly, letting one hand give the nipple attention while the other one trailed downwards, fingers falling on the button of his jeans. </p><p>“You’re always distracting me,” Alec sighed deeply, his hand tightening on the zink as Magnus let the button pop open. The outline of his cock was clearly visible in his jeans, and Magnus wanted to wrap his fingers around it and give the dickhead some attention, but retained himself for now.</p><p>“You’re distracting me by looking this sexy,” Magnus blamed his lover, catching his earlobe in his mouth for just a second, knowing how to flick it to make Alec moan desperately. He smirked at the sweet sound coming from his boyfriend, wanting to give him pleasure.</p><p>Alec swallowed as Magnus’ fingers were on the pale skin on his lower abdomen, teasing. Then he grabbed them, stopping them from digging into his pants to be wrapped around his hard cock. Alec’s face in the mirror was flushed, a somehow disappointed sigh left his mouth. </p><p>“I should really get going,” he whispered, eyes still shut from the arousal in his body. But Magnus knew his boyfriend well enough, he was ambitious and dedicated and once he had put his mind to something that was what he was doing. </p><p>“When are you coming back?” Magnus asked with his tired, yet lustful voice. Alec sighed, opening his eyes and turning around in his boyfriend’s embrace. His hands came to rest on Magnus’ chest, one slipping inside the bathrobe on the bare, golden-brown skin.. </p><p>“Later. But I have that deadline and I need to get at least one more chapter written today,” he said hoarsely, his warm hand feeling almost electrical on Magnus’ bare chest. </p><p>Then he leaned upwards, lips brushing Magnus’ softly. The warlock searched for more pressure, leaning closer, and Alec gave it automatically. The warlock slid in his tongue almost without thinking, exploring all of Alec’s mouth and feeling a wave of pleasure go through his own body as his lover flicked his tongue in that certain way that he always did when Magnus was really horny and wanted Alec. </p><p>Pulling backwards just an inch, both of them breathing heavily, Alec whispered, “And you better finish what you’ve started once I get back,”</p><p>Blood was definitely pumping quickly through Magnus’ body right then, not only going to his cheeks, but elsewhere as well. He couldn’t help but grab his boyfriend’s ass, squeezing it firmly before forcing himself to pull back. </p><p>“You better hurry then,” he teased, and Alec’s pupils were blown huge and his cheeks slightly red. Somehow, Magnus just loved it when he looked like that, clearly turned on by just the smallest touches. </p><p>“See you,” Alec said shyly as he disappeared out of the bathroom door, probably going to find a shirt before heading back to his own apartment. It was quite stupid, really, because he had practically moved back in with Magnus. He just insisted on doing his writing at his own place due to the quietness. But on the other hand, Magnus was admittingly a teasing distraction.</p><p>Maybe it was fine. Sometimes, they both needed some space and time away from each other. And whenever Alec had been very busy and working hard at his own apartment, he would always come back with this certain, lustful look in his eyes, demanding Magnus to fuck him hard. </p><p>Magnus shook his head, trying not to think about that right now. He was already beyond horny and he had promised Alec to finish what he had started when he came back. So he didn’t want to jerk off now, he’d rather feel the tightness of Alec around him later. </p><p>Instead he took a quick shower, trying to get all of these thoughts off his mind. It helped a little, and he threw on some underwear as he got out so he wouldn’t accidentally start touching himself or something. </p><p>As he was walking to his room, passing through the living room, he saw something lying on the desk. Stopping and frowning, he went closer to see if it was what he thought. </p><p>It was. There Alec’s green notebook was, he must have forgotten it in the hurry. Magnus picked it up, thinking about calling Alec and telling him that it was here. He turned it in his hand, eyeing it and knowing that it contained all of Alec’s stories. </p><p>Most of them, Alec had read out loud for Magnus at some point. But the warlock still wondered if there was more that he had never seen. </p><p>Without even thinking about it, he opened it to the first page. ‘Stormy nights’ he read, knowing right away which story this was. One of Magnus’ favorites, Alec had read it out loud the night after the official reading while Magnus had been in his lap, getting his hair caressed. Smiling while thinking about the memory, he flipped through some of the pages, reading some headlines and trying to find a story he had never heard before. </p><p>And well, okay this one was new. ‘Shower thoughts’. Well, what did the boy think about when he showered, Magnus was curious instantly, eyes falling on the delicate handwriting. </p><p>Then he realized that this wasn’t what Alec was thinking about when he showered. This was about Magnus. Naked, showering, and what Alec would like Magnus to do to his naked body. </p><p>The warlock’s mind wandered off to one time they had showered together and Alec had been horny even before they had walked into the hot water. His body had looked so gorgeous and sexy and Alec had cried out in pleasure from Magnus’ touches, coming hard from just the smallest movement. He remembered catching a glimpse of Alec’s flushed and pleasured face in the mirror as Magnus had fucked him.</p><p>His eyes fell on the text on the opposite site. And oh well, he had always known that his boy was a sucker for being handled harshly and told what to do, but wow. The words just stared at him, explaining how Alec wanted Magnus to pin him to the bed and claim him. </p><p>Magnus always liked to make Alec beg. The more desperate his begs became, the sexier he looked. Sometimes, Magnus would tease him for hours before giving the boy what he wanted. He’d walk around all day, kiss him in the right places and touch his nipples, grab his ass. </p><p>His heart was racing in his chest, blood coming to his dick uncontrollably. It was already aching hard, throbbing in his underwear, and he couldn’t help but put a flat hand on top just to get the slightest relief. </p><p>A sigh fell from his lips. He imagined it being Alec’s hand rubbing the cock firmly. He had to bite down his lower lip not to make a sound escape. Okay, maybe he was going to touch himself after all. It was just too damn sexy to think about Alec - his innocent Alec - writing down these things about him.</p><p>The outline on the cock was more than clear in his underwear and precum was already starting to wetten the soft material. </p><p>Then, just as he was about to give in to his need for relief and jerk off with the images of his gorgeous boyfriend on his mind, he heard the clicking sound of a door unlocking. Panicking, he hid the book behind a pillow by the couch, Alec couldn’t know that he had been reading in it without permission. </p><p>The blue eyed boy stepped inside, a determined gaze in his eyes as he went to the desk in the living room. “So I was almost at my apartment when I realized that I had forgotten the bo..” he trailed off, stopping in front of the desk, a frown appearing on his face. “Have you seen my notebook?” he asked, taking out the drawers of the desk, but realizing that they were all empty. </p><p>“Nope,” Magnus said quietly, swallowing as he looked at his confused, but yet so fucking sexy boyfriend. He, himself, just stood there in front of the couch in his underwear, his dick hard and leaking precum. </p><p>“But it was right here,” Alec said, pouting in that way he always did when things turned out a way he didn’t want them to. “I mean, I put it there last night before...” </p><p>He paused. His gaze was on Magnus, firstly looking at Magnus’ burning red cheeks. Then his eyes trailed over the golden-brown body before he seemed to realize that Magnus’ hard cock was showing in his underwear. “Before we went to bed.” he finished the sentence, his voice slow and rough.</p><p>“Maybe it’s in the bedroom,” Magnus tried to say, his voice only shaking a little bit. But Alec’s eyes on his body felt like a piercing pleasure, he didn’t want him to look away. </p><p>Alec walked closer, slowly, swallowing as his own cheeks started to turn a little red as well. “I don’t think it is,” he said, pupils growing with every little step he took. </p><p>“And how about the kitchen?” Magnus suggested, doing all he could to keep his voice under control. But mostly, he just wanted to rip off Alec’s clothes, he couldn’t help the lust that was in his body. </p><p>Alec was standing just in front of Magnus, lifting a hand to place his fingers on top of Magnus’ bare chest. “It’s not there, either,” he said, trailing his finger downwards, touching the golden-brown skin lightly until the hand was hovering at the edge of Magnus’ uncomfortably tight boxers. The warlock’s breathing had increased, the feeling of Alec’s cold finger on his bare stomach had him tense slightly. </p><p>“It could be in the bathroom?” He said, voice hoarse and only just above a whisper. He took another step closer, letting his hand come around to support Alec by his waist. He needed Alec’s touch, but the boy wasn’t giving it to him. “Or in the shower. We should go and check the shower,” he added.</p><p>Alec took in a sharp breath, his eyes flickering with lust. “You read it,” he stated, suddenly realizing why it wasn’t on the desk. Magnus wasn’t sure if it was excitement in his tone, or if it was the nervousness of knowing that the warlock had been reading his inner secrets. </p><p>Magnus let the other hand slip around Alec’s waist, pulling him impossibly close so their mouths were just above each other. Alec’s fingers went to rest on Magnus’ hip, brushing the prominent part of his hip bone like Magnus liked. The warmth of his boyfriend only made his throbbing cock ache even more, he always had this certain feeling in his stomach when Alec was standing this close. </p><p>“I would never do that,” Magnus lied, brushing his lips against Alec’s cheek until it came to rest above his ear. “I just want a hot shower with you, that’s all.” he bit down softly at the shorter one’s earlobe. “And fuck you with the hot water running down your gorgeous body.”</p><p>“Don’t flirt with me,” Alec said breathlessly as Magnus’ lips found the soft spot behind Alec’s ear, nibbling softly. “I’m mad at you.”</p><p>“You can be mad at me when I’m done claiming you in the shower, making you cry out my name in pleasure,” Magnus said hoarsely, loving the way Alec’s body tensed underneath the words. His fingers dug deeper into the golden-brown skin on the warlock’s hip. </p><p>“You know, I was actually planning on giving that throbbing, hard cock of yours some attention,” Alec whispered, tilting his head slightly to allow his boyfriend more space at his neck. “Maybe take it into my mouth and do that thing with my tongue that I know you love,” he added, making Magnus press him closer, creating just the slightest friction. “But now I’m reconcidering,”</p><p>“Don’t be such a tease,” Magnus said in a shaky voice, his breath brushing Alec’s neck. </p><p>“Then stop reading my stuff.” It came out shakingly, probably not as convincingly as the shorter boy would have liked it too. Magnus let his hands reach the edge of his lover’s t-shirt, beginning to pull it carefully and slowly over his body. He heard a soft sigh fall from Alec’s mouth as the cold air hit his skin. </p><p>“You know, I’m in a hurry. And I’m mad at you. We are not having sex,” Alec said as he allowed Magnus to take off his shirt, letting his eyes fall shut as the warlock let his hands roam the muscular body, brushing one nipple in the process. </p><p>Magnus smirked, arousal and blood pumping violently in his body as he looked at the blue eyed boy, face flushed with pleasure as Magnus’ hands touched every inch of his skin. “What a shame,” he said hoarsely, mouth brushing along Alec’s collar bone as his hands grabbed the perfect round ass firmly, drawing a sigh from the shorter one’s mouth. </p><p>He couldn’t help but let one finger dig between his ass cheeks, touching his hole through the thick material of his jeans. But just the slight sensation had a soft moan come from Alec’s slightly open mouth, “Magnus,” he breathed, probably not even sure himself what it was he meant. </p><p>“Are you sure that you don’t want me to touch you?” he teased as his hands came around to undo the tight jeans. As he opened the button and the zipper, he could clearly feel Alec’s hard dick, and purposely let his thumb brush the head where the precum was forming a small stain in the underwear. </p><p>“Yes,” his boyfriend breathed. He put his hands around Magnus’ neck like he always did, digging his fingers into the dark, wet hair, pulling lightly. The warlock pulled down the jeans in one go, and the shadowhunter kicked both the shoes and the pants off as they hit the floor. </p><p>It had the arousal go through Magnus’ body in waves, he clashed his mouth against Alec’s finally, picking him up by his thighs. The shadowhunter was forcing their mouths even closer together, deepening the kiss instantly and letting his tongue roam his lover’s mouth as he panted, finally letting go of a little bit of control. </p><p>The warlock carried his boyfriend to the bathroom, walking straight into the shower with him even though they were both still wearing underwear. But he didn’t care right now, he just turned on the hot water and let it run down their bodies as he pinned Alec against the wall, kissing him deeply.</p><p>He couldn’t help but grind a little bit upwards, needing the friction on his hard cock. Alec moaned as well, it caused the warlock to catch a sensitive nipple between two fingers, flickering it softly. “Are you still sure?” he asked through a shaking voice, parting from the boy to see his swollen, red lips and flushed cheeks, water dripping from his wet hair. God, he looked so sexy. </p><p>“Yes,” Alec moaned, but his body said otherwise. It was begging for Magnus to touch him. The warlock couldn’t help but let one hand grab Alec’s ass underneath the fabric of the wet underwear, squeeze it firmly before he let one finger go downwards, brushing the sensitive skin on the muscle around the shorter boy’s hole. </p><p>“Please,” the shadowhunter whispered, hardly audible with the sound of the hot water running down their bodies. “Please, do it,” </p><p>Smirking slightly, Magnus took the chance to put his lover back down. In a swift movement, the underwear were off, lying wet on the shower floor and Alec’s angrily red cock bounced against his stomach. Not able to stop himself, the warlock traced his fingers along the hard dick lightly, drawing a soft sigh from his boyfriend. </p><p>“Turn around,” he ordered and Alec quickly did as told, supporting himself against the wall as Magnus reached for something on the shelves where they kept the shampoo. Yes, they also kept lube there, for this specific reason and the warlock poured some out on two fingers. </p><p>He felt his own cock twitch at the lovely sound of Alec moaning softly as he traced his fingers down the blue eyed boy’s buttock, brushing the hole just slightly. “Please, Magnus,” Alec whimpered, leaning back a little but Magnus was keeping him steady with his other hand, making sure he wasn’t getting too much pleasure. </p><p>“Fuck, baby, you’re so damn sexy,” he couldn’t help but whisper, circling a finger along the sensitive muscle. Alec’s hole was clenching, needing more of the sensation. </p><p>“Please,” he sighed. Magnus slowly put some pressure on the first finger, making it pop inside the tightness of his lover slowly, but steady. He heard the sweet pants coming from Alec, reassuring him how much the boy was craving this. </p><p>He didn’t wait too long for Alec to get used to the sensation, he was growing impatient and quickly started moving his finger, the hand supporting the shorter one by the hip came around to get a hold of his cock. Alec moaned. </p><p>With a slow pace at the cock, but a quick pace in and out of Alec’s hole, he heard deep sounds of pleasure falling from the shadowhunter’s mouth. </p><p>He slid in a second finger without slowing down the pace, and Alec arched his back, moaning, “yes, yes,” under his breath. It had Magnus pick up the pace and bending his fingers slightly, trying to hit that certain spot. </p><p>He brushed it lightly, because suddenly Alec was crying out in pleasure, his body shaking violently underneath all the sensations. “Magnus, please,” he begged, moaning loudly. “Please, do it again,”</p><p>Bending his fingers even more, he hit the bundle of nerves once again, touching it with each movement and Alec was almost melting underneath the touch. </p><p>“I’m gonna come,” he whimpered between ruined moans, but Magnus was quick to stop the movement at the aching cock. He grabbed the base of it tightly, preventing the orgasm to roll through his lover’s body. </p><p>“Don’t. Hold it, baby,” he ordered, watching as soft tears rolled down Alec’s eyes as the warlock continued hitting the soft spot with the tip of his fingers. </p><p>“please,” he whimpered, cock twitching threateningly in Magnus’ hand and warned him that he had to stop soon, or Alec wouldn’t be able to hold it back. So he pulled out his fingers slowly, hand still gripping the base of the shadowhunter’s cock tightly. </p><p>With one hand, he managed to get his own briefs down and the relief came as a wave through his body as the stiff, throbbing cock hit the air. He wasn’t patient enough to slick it up with lube, but Alec’s hole was still wet from the lube and Magnus spat in his palm, covering the tip of his cock. </p><p>Just the sensation from his own hand felt like a burning pleasure. He was in no doubt that he would be on the edge in no time, all this teasing had gotten him more than worked up and horny. He let go of the shorter boy’s cock, lining up his own and grabbing Alec by the hips. He thrusted into the gorgeous boy, letting go of a deep moan at the tightness of Alec’s small, pink hole. </p><p>“Shit,” he exhaled, bottoming up in one go. Alec’s eyes were wet with tears as he adjusted to the sensation. But Magnus wasn’t giving him much time before he was moving inside of the shorter boy, slowly, creating a tight pressure on his throbbing cock. “Fuck, fuck,” he said, it being almost too much for him.</p><p>Alec moaned softly, rocking his hips along with Magnus’, smirking slightly as he asked underneath his breath, “too sensitive?”</p><p>Magnus responded by grabbing a fistful of Alec’s dark hair, holding him steady as he started moving his hips a little faster. He had to close his eyes, shut out the sight of the sexy boy before him, otherwise he wouldn’t be able to hold for long. </p><p>“Shut up,” he ordered, angling his cock just right so it was hitting the soft spot inside of Alec. It had the opposite effect, the boy cried out in pleasure, clenching lightly around Magnus’ hard dick.</p><p>“Oh, Magnus,” he whimpered, and as Magnus opened his eyes again, watching Alec’s perfect curves, he saw that the boy had started stroking his own cock. He couldn’t help but pick up his pace, making sure to hit the spot over and over again as he felt the burning pleasure building in his own stomach. He was already close.</p><p>“Don’t stop,” Alec said hoarsely, panting quickly and desperately. “Please don’t stop, I’m gonna-” he was interrupted by a deep moan falling from his lips, he rocked back against Magnus, hand picking up pace. “I’m gonna come.”</p><p>And just as a high pitched, wrecked sound ripped itself from the shadowhunter’s throat and the orgasmn went through his body, Magnus couldn’t hold back, either. He had been on the edge for too long now, he needed to feel the release, and the burning feeling in his stomach increased, going through his whole body in intense waves. </p><p>He kept up the pace while the orgasmn was still in his body, but then the sensation was too much on his sensitive dickhead, so he pulled out letting all the semen spill from Alec’s hole. </p><p>The shorter one sighed, straightening up a bit and turning around so he could face his boyfriend. They were both panting quickly, probably still a little high from the orgasmns. Magnus took the shower head down, cleaning up the gorgeous boy’s body. </p><p>Some of the cum had landed on his stomach and Magnus made sure to get it all off, letting the shower head hover over the red cock as well, sticky from the cum. </p><p>“Don’t do that, it’s sensitive,” Alec said, grabbing the warlock’s hand as the water hit his dickhead, guiding it somewhere else. </p><p>Magnus smiled, thinking about what had just happened. “Do you want me to clean up the mess I made back there?” he asked teasingly, pointing towards Alec’s ass. The shorter one blushed, knowing just how sensitive that was going to be, now. </p><p>“No.” he said. “I’m still mad at you. And stop smiling at me like that.”</p><p>“What, I can’t smile now?” Magnus asked, taking a step closer to put his arm around his boyfriend. Alec tried to hide away a soft look that flashed through his face and the love that showed in his eyes. It only made the warlock smile even wider. </p><p>“You’re, like, completely out of control,” Alec stated shyly. </p><p>“But you love it, don’t you?” Magnus couldn’t focus on anything but Alec’s blue eyes. He was just so lucky to have this boy in his life, and the affection was going through his body like small bubbles. </p><p>“Yeah,” Alec admitted, blushing a little. </p><p>Magnus smiled at his boyfriend. Then he leaned down, placing a soft kiss on the shorter one’s forehead, ignoring the slight taste of salt and the wetness of his sticky hair. “Now, let’s get you cleaned up so you can get back to your important author-stuff and deadlines,” he then said. </p><p>Alec hit him on the arm teasingly, saying “shut up, Magnus,” and well, maybe Magnus deserved that one. He would be sure to not disturb Alec like this another time. </p><p>Or would he.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I feel like this scene needed to be a part of this story. Yep, one chapter of pure smut. Oh well. It was actually a lot of fun writing this fic - thanks for following along. Xxx</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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